Wife Swap: the Cullens and the McClains
by AussieGal20
Summary: Alice and Emmett sign the Cullens up for Wife Swap. The Cullens swap with a very strict family called the McClains. Will the Cullens like their new mother? Will the Cullen kids drive their new mother insane? please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** SM owns all things Twilight.

**A/N:** Hey Everyone,

I read a few stories like this so I decided to try and write one mself. My favourite Twilight Wife Swap is "Wife Swap: Cullen vs Clyne" by xoCullen4everxo. I recommend it to anyone that likes reading wife swap fan fictions.

Acceptance and a video

Emmett POV

"Yay" I heard Alice say from upstairs. I was lying on the couch with Rosalie lying on top of me and we were both watching a car race. I heard the postman at the mailbox.

"Emmett, we're in. It starts in a week." Alice told me.

"Yes, woo-hoo," I yelled. We did it; we would be on national television.

_Flashback_

"_Alice, you're a genius, we should so do it," I said. Everyone except Edward, were out hunting so now was the perfect time. Alice and I were signing our family up for Wife Swap._

"_It's okay, I already filled out the form," Alice told me._

"_This is such a stupid idea, don't even think about it." Edward said, "Esme and Carlisle will be so mad." I rolled my eyes. _Party pooper_, I thought dryly._

"_Edward, come on, it's worth a shot. It'll be so much fun," Alice whined. I got what she was doing; we would annoy Edward into letting us do it._

"_Please Eddie boy, it'll be great," I said emphasizing the 'Eddie.'_

"_Don't call me that," he replied and he came downstairs from his room._

"_Edward, don't be a baby," I said._

"_Fine, but if anything happens, you two get the blame, alright," He finally agreed._

"_Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou," Alice squealed, "you have to _promise_ that you won't tell_ anybody_ about this, okay?" Alice asked._

"_Fine," he said. _

_End Flashback_

"Em, what's Alice talking about? What starts in a week?" Rose asked suspiciously. "Well, Alice and I kind of signed up for Wife Swap," I said grinning. "Cool huh," I said.

"Emmett, how could you?" Rose asked. "What a stupid thing to do," Rose said angrily.

"Hey, it was Alice's idea, and besides, Edward agreed," I said hoping that some of the blame would be shifted onto someone else.

"You knew about this?" I heard Bella screeching at Edward from upstairs.

"What's going on?" Nessie asked, confused as she and Jacob walked in.

"We're going to be on Wife Swap," I said excitedly.

"Yay, that sounds like fun. I love that show," Ness squealed.

"See, _she_ likes my ideas," I said to Rose, pouting slightly.

"Oh no, you are not using my niece against me, neither are you using that face." My Rosie said stubbornly. "You are going to be in so much trouble with Esme and Carlisle, I can't wait to see that," she added.

"Whatever, I don't care, it will be a blast,' I said and ran out to the mailbox to get the acceptance letter. There were magazines for Alice and Rose, a few bills, a letter for Carlisle and a thick envelope from Wife Swap. I ran in the door, threw the other stuff on the table and started to rip open the thick envelope. Despite their outrage at what Alice and I had done; everyone was still curious to see the envelope. They all crowded around me as I opened it and began to read.

_Dear Mr Cullen,_

_I am pleased to inform you that here at Wife Swap we loved your application letter and video and that you have been selected to participate in the next episode. Your wife; Esme, will be swapping with the McClain family from New York City. The cameras will be at your house by eight o'clock in the morning on Monday the 17__th__ of January to start filming. Your wife will be escorted to New York and will leave at nine o'clock. _

_Thankyou,_

_Michael Sherman,_

_Producer._

"Wait until Esme and Carlisle find out, you are going to be in so much trouble," Bella said.

"No we won't, it's a good idea," I said. "They are going to love it."

An hour later Esme and Carlisle were on the couch waiting for Alice and me to tell them the big news.

"Okay Alice, what did you want to talk about?" Carlisle asked.

"Emmett, you tell them," she said.

"Well mum, dad," I began, "Alice and I signed us up for Wife Swap and we got in. They sent us the acceptance letter today. It starts in one week on Monday," I said.

Carlisle and Esme froze. Exactly three minutes later Esme came around.

"What!" she exploded. I cowered away; Esme when she's angry is not fun. "Emmett, how could you do such a stupid thing, do you know how dangerous this is? Do you realise that you have now risked our exposure to humans?" she asked me.

"Hey, it was Alice's idea," I said. Esme turned from me to Alice and started on her.

"Alice, I thought you were smarter than this, why would you do something so ridiculous?" Esme asked.

"Well, we thought that we needed to get out of our comfort zone and be adventurous," she said.

"I meant it as a rhetorical question," Esme said. She was so furious she was almost snarling.

"Edward agreed to do it," Alice said shifting the blame onto someone else. Once again Esme wheeled around and faced Edward. It was clear that if someone didn't act fast, Edward would probably be going without an arm for a few days.

"Jasper," Bella said.

"Oh, right," Jasper said and I immediately felt calm and peaceful.

"Esme, sweetheart, sit down," Carlisle said. "Emmett, I want to see that letter," he said sharply. I handed him the sheets of paper and he read them quickly.

"What's this about a video?" he asked.

"Well, I sort of made a video to go with the application," I said.

"Emmett, go and get this tape, I want to see it," Carlisle said. I ran and got a copy of the video and placed it in the DVD player. I turned on the TV and pressed play.

Carlisle POV

Emmett had just told us he had signed us up for the reality TV show Wife Swap. This was the worst idea he had ever had. And that's saying something. I loved my son but this time he had gone too far. Did he realise the danger he was putting us all in? I thought, but then again, it's Emmett, he never thinks before he does something. I was mostly disappointed with Alice and Edward. Alice was smarter than that, why would she give this sort of idea to Emmett? And Edward, I was shocked. The fact that he would go along with this and not tell us about it? It was unbelievable. I sent Emmett to get a copy of the DVD he had made to see exactly how much trouble he had gotten us into.

He came back and pressed play on the DVD player.

"Hello, I am Doctor Carlisle Cullen" A voice very similar to my own said. "Together, with my wife Esme, I adopted eight children; Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Isabella, Renesmee and Jacob." The camera was circling the house and as it made its way into the house it cut to an image of Jasper in his room.

"This is my son Jasper Hale; he is 18 years old and has emotional issues. He loves reading and is currently in a serious relationship with Alice." The scene then cut to a picture of Alice walking into the house with at least 15 shopping bags of different brands.

"Alice is 17 years old and is a complete shopaholic and despite her size; she can be very volatile."

The video showed Edward sitting at his piano.

"This is Edward, he is 17 and he is in a relationship with Isabella. Edward is in a depressed teenager stage." The clip then cut to Bella sitting alone in the bedroom she shared with Edward.

"This is Isabella, but she prefers to be called Bella. She is 17 and also a depressed teenager." The "My voice" said.

On the screen was Rosalie and she was underneath her BMW in the garage.

"This is Rosalie Hale; she is 18 years old and is Jasper twin. She is currently dating Emmett, the stud in our family. In her spare time she likes to shop and work with cars."

"This is Emmett, he is 18 and he is extremely funny and enjoys spending time with Rosalie; his girlfriend." There was a short clip of Emmett, showing his bulging muscles.

"This is Renesmee she is the youngest child in our family at the age of 11 and she has an extremely close bond to Jacob who is 21." There was a picture of Renesmee and Jacob playing checkers at the coffee table in the lounge room.

"Then there is my wife Esme; she enjoys gardening and interior designing. Esme is a house wife and occasionally works for an interior designer. Esme takes care of everything around the house."

The video was now filming Esme working in our front garden. The camera then filmed in my office watching me work at my desk.

"Last of all, me, I am a Doctor at the local hospital and I am a workaholic. I love my job and I spend as much time at work as possible." The DVD ended and there was silence for about a second before the accusations and arguing started.

"I do not have emotional issues," Jasper said loudly  
"I am not a shopaholic and I am not volatile" Alice screamed.

"We are not depressed teenagers," Edward and Bella said together, equally outraged.

"I was in there for like two seconds; that is so unfair," Jacob whined.

"Emmett, I am _not_ a workaholic," I said.

"I thought it was fine," Rosalie said.

"Yeah, me too," Renesmee added.

"That's only because _you_ weren't made to look like an idiot," Jasper said.

"Hey, I worked really hard on that DVD, it took a lot of effort and concentration to make. Instead of moping around and complaining, you could all be thanking me," Emmett said smugly.

"Why the hell would we want to _thank_ you Emmett?" Bella asked perplexed.

"Well, I had to make our family look interesting to get on the show, It looks like my plan worked," He grinned triumphantly.

"We don't even _want_ to go on that show." Another round of arguing began.

"Alright," I said firmly. It wasn't a yell but everyone stopped talking and turned to face me. "What's done is done, we cannot change it. It looks like we have no choice but to go on the show. Now I want all of you to go up to your rooms. Ness I want you to go to sleep, I'll be up to check in half an hour."


	2. Chapter 2

Wife Swap: Cullen and McClain

Handbooks

Esme POV

The week had flown by so quickly. When I first found out Emmett and Alice had signed me up for Wife Swap I was angry and nervous. When Alice said Edward had agreed to do this I was completely shocked. Not Edward. He would never allow this sort of thing to happen. He was the sensible one, the mature one. Then as the time went by, I felt excited. This could be good for me; for us all. It was an adventure. Alice had assured me that it would be cloudy and raining the whole week in New York. I had just heard the sound of tyres turning from a smooth gravel road, to an uneven dirt road. The camera men would be here within five minutes.

"Alright, everyone, the camera men are here. Come down here now and get ready for them," I called. A car pulled up outside and there were footsteps and finally the doorbell rang. Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we went to answer the door.

"No more funny business, act human from now on," Carlisle murmured softly.

I reached out and opened the door, a young man looked at me and his jaw dropped.

"H-h-h-h…" he stuttered as he looked at me.

"Ernie, get a move on," I heard lady's voice say. She walked up the steps and when she saw Carlisle her chin dropped slightly as well. It seemed that she had better control over herself, as she quickly looked away and said,

"Hello, I am Wendy and this is Ernie, we are from Wife Swap; we will begin filming in an hour when your car arrives to escort you out. Until then we'll set up and get ready.

An hour went by and everything was set up and I was about to leave. The driver of my car was lugging all of my six suitcases into the trunk.

"Alice, how much did you have to pack?" I asked. Originally, I was going to pack my own clothes but Alice nagged until she finally got her way.

"It's okay, I only packed the essentials." She assured me.

"Okay, I'll see you in two weeks," I said and began to hug everyone good bye. I saved Carlisle for last and he gave me a hug that would defiantly crushed bones if I were human.

"Now, how are you going to behave?" I asked.

"As good as gold," They all said as if they were reciting the alphabet.

"What do you do if your new mum flirts with dad?" I asked the girls.

"Scream rape until her eardrums burst," Alice, Bella and Rose answered immediately.

"Good, boys no wrestling in the house and so help me if I get back and _anything_ is broken, you will all be in so much trouble." I said. "I'm going to miss you, have fun," I said and I sat in the back of the large car.

"Bye mum," I heard them all say. I shut the door and a second later the car was moving.

The car trip had been okay, it was the plane trip that was utterly boring. When I had finally arrived in New York; I watched as the car drove around the streets. I watched as the houses got shabbier and shabbier until the car stoped outside an extremely old and dirty looking house.

"Well, this house could certainly do with a face lift," I said to the camera. I looked at the house. It was a small two storey house with a small unkempt front garden. The paint on the house was peeling and I could just see the pale blue paint the house used to be. I turned the doorknob and it was unlocked so I opened it. It opened slowly and it creaked loudly.

"Well, I guess no one is going to be able to get inside without being heard," I said. "It will keep burglars out," I said smiling. I had entered a small room with an old dirty couch and the smallest, oldest television I had ever seen. Judging by the dust, it was rarely ever used. I walked around the house and I found that each room in the bottom storey was as small and old as the first. The last room I found was the kitchen. I noticed a few sheets of paper and I sat down, picked them up and began to read.

_Hello, my name is Lulu McClain. I have three children; Mark, Bert and Carmella. Mark is 18 years old and is a senior at the local high school. Bert, 16 is a sophomore, also attending the local high school. Camilla is 13 years of age and attends junior high in year 8. All my children are active participants in many clubs and activities. Mark is involved in basketball, hockey, water polo and debating, Bert participates in Football, archery, wrestling and is also a mathlete, Camilla is a cheerleader, plays netball, tennis and chess. My husband, Gerald, is an architect and is very strict and organised. I myself am a housewife. _

_I have many values and we attend church every Monday, Wednesday and Sunday evenings. I believe that children should be seen and not heard and that they should only speak when spoken to. _

_Everyday I do groceries, volunteer at the retirement village in the morning and then I volunteer at the animal shelter in the afternoon. At three pm sharp I pick up the children and take them to their various activities. Depending on the day we will then go to Church. When we arrive home we eat dinner together as a family and the children must finish all their homework before they go to bed at 10pm for the boys and 9:30 for Camilla. _

_We have a dress code in our house that must be obeyed at all times._

_- Shirts must be buttoned up to the neck and the sleeves cannot be shorter than the shoulder and the shirts must not be tight fitting or revealing. _

_- Boys must wear long pants and girls must wear a dress or skirt that cannot be higher than the knee. _

_- Boys should have neatly combed hair and the girls must wear their hair up in a ponytail or a bun at all times._

_The children have various jobs around the house that must be completed each morning before school. _

_There are schedules on the pantry for further instructions,_

_Thankyou,_

_Lulu._

When I finished reading I realised that I had not said a word.

"This woman sounds horrible. It looks as though she treats her children like slaves and they don't even have time to be children because of their schedules. I hope I can let this family loosen up a little," I said to the camera. And the dress code, I thought. I was positive that everything Alice had packed for me would be breaking it. I decided to take a look upstairs. I made my way up carefully and the first room I came to was a bedroom. The shelf was filled with books and trophies. I closed the door and looked into the other rooms. All three bedrooms were very similar, very bare and not one of them had anything interesting; no posters, nothing. I made my way downstairs and as I reached the living room, the doorbell rang. It was time to meet my new family.

Lulu POV

The trip to Oregon was long. I thought about my children mostly. I thought it was a bad idea to enter this show but Gerald had convinced me it was fine and that it was a good opportunity for all of us. I had decided that it would be a good idea to enter this show as a way to help other families in need. I wanted to make a difference in the world and helping a depressed family would be a great way to do this. I thought that this family would most likely be poor and have no structure and the children would be very deprived and corrupted. It was my chance to help them see the real world. I had never left my children for more than two days at a time, and to have to leave my perfectly behaved and well dressed children to take care of children I didn't know would be difficult. I hoped that these two weeks would go quickly.

I looked out the windows of the car and realised we were passing the last houses in the town, I wondered if the driver was lost. All of a sudden the driver turned onto an unmarked dirt road. This road went for five miles and soon pulled up outside a large house. I stared in amazement. It was huge; at least three storeys high. I opened the car door and ran quickly to the porch to get out from the rain. I turned the key and opened the door. I walked inside to see the house a gleaming white, with antiques and priceless artworks hanging on the walls; originals no doubt. This house was so clean and open. I began looking around the house and I found a kitchen. I saw a few sheets of paper and I picked them up.

_Hello, my name is Esme Cullen. Together with my husband Carlisle we adopted eight children. _Eight children; how does she keep this place so clean, she must be cleaning all day.

_My children are; Edward 17, Rosalie and Jasper who are twins 18, Emmett 18, Alice 17, Isabella (or Bella) 17, Renesmee 11 and Jacob 21. All my children are well behaved and very mature even if they don't always show it. The children attend the local high school and are juniors and seniors. Renesmee, the youngest is home schooled by myself and Jacob stays home with her. All my children are together Bella and Edward, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie and Renesmee and Jacob have a special bond although they do not share a room as the others do. _What? They allow their children to date? And stay in the same room together?Even if they aren't really related, it is still immoral and disgusting.

_My husband Carlisle is a doctor and works at the local hospital. He works extremely long hours and if he is not at work he can be found in his office._ What a father, by the sounds of it he never sees his children and leaves everything for her to do.

_I work part time as a garden designer for magazines and part time as an interior designer. I believe that children should have freedom and should be allowed to make mistakes; as long as they learn from them. I do all the cleaning, laundry and groceries. We never eat meals together, I just cook it and they come and eat when they feel hungry. _She does everything around the house? It sounds like these children are spoilt. I hope I can teach them a few lessons and teach them the proper way of life.

_I advise, for your sanity and my own, that you keep Rosalie away from Jacob and watch out for Emmett and Jasper. They are both jokers and love a good laugh. Because of her past; Rosalie will take some time to get used to you and I can assure you that you two will not get along in the beginning._

_Esme._

Eight children. I couldn't shake that thought out of my head. I decided to take a look around the rest of the house.

I wondered around the house and I made my way up the large marble staircase to the second floor. I walked along the corridor and found four doors. The first door I opened, I saw a room with one entire wall filled from the floor to the ceiling with CDs, record, CD players and anything musical. On the opposite wall was a collection of books, mostly classics. In the middle of the room was a large metal bed with gold covers. I noticed as I walked into the room, there were two other doors. I opened them both and one led to a closet as big as the bedroom. The other door led to a bathroom with a large spa bath, shower and vanity table. I left that room and made my way to the next. This room was the same dimensions as the other only the room was filled with photos and rifles that looked like they were real antiques from the war. The closet in this room was bigger than the other one. How many clothes do these people need? The next room I went to was similar to the other rooms instead there was a large mirror covering half a wall and a large king sized bed in the middle of the room. The floor had a large rug on it, a cherry red while the bedspread and curtains were a range of browns and beige. I left that room and went to the last door on this floor. I opened the door and saw the biggest room I had ever seen. I realised that this was the master bedroom and I closed the door in a hurry. I walked up the stairs again and saw two doors I opened one and it was smaller than the others and was hot pink and reds. It was evident that this was a young girl's room. The last door had a large sign on it reading: _Get lost Blondie_ on it. I opened the door and saw the biggest mess imaginable. There were clothes all over the floor and posters were covering every inch of the walls. I realised that all the posters were of cars or motorbikes. I could smell something funny and I decided that investigating further might not be the way to go. I left the room and headed back downstairs. I waited in the lounge room for the family to arrive. I had already looked around the house briefly so I decided to entertain myself until the family arrived. I walked out of the house and made my way to the garage. I opened the side door and saw four extremely expensive and fast looking cars and a large motorbike. I noticed two empty spaces.

"Wow look at all these cars," I said in shock. "I only have one and it is thirteen years old," I said. "This family is obviously very spoilt and the children are used to getting whatever they want," I said.

The family was supposed to be here at six o'clock and it was six thirty and they were still not here.

"This family is clearly not organized. I do not agree with a lot of their rules and I can't wait until it is time for rule change," I said.

I waited in the living room and finally; at 7:15. I heard the cars pulling up in the driveway. It was time to meet my new family.


	3. Chapter 3

Wife Swap: Cullen and McClain

Gerald POV

I drove into my driveway, stopped the car, took the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the car. I waited for my children to get out of the car before I started talking.

"Now, I don't want any rudeness, to me or the new mum, I want you to act exactly how you usually do and I swear if one of you step out of line once; you will be grounded until your fifty" I said sternly.

I wanted to show this new mum how my wife treats my children. I suggested for my wife to go on this show, so the world would know how horrible she was. I hated it. I didn't know what I was getting into when I married her. I do love her, I knew that when we married she came with a baggage, but she was taking all her anger and pain out on my children and myself. I had tried to reason with her, but she threatened me with all sorts of things. I was hoping that these two weeks would show the children how normal teenagers lived.

We all filed into the house and walked into the living room where we were greeted by the most beautiful women imaginable.

"H-hi," I stuttered out. Great, I now looked like an idiot. I tried to regain myself. "Hi, my name is Gerald McClain and these are my children. Children, please introduce yourself." I said.

"Hello, my name is Mark and I'm 18," Mark said.

"Hi, I'm Bert and I am 14 years old," Bert told the new mum as he shook her hand.

"I'm Camilla and I just turned 12," My daughter, Camilla said shyly.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all, my name is Esme and I am really excited about these two coming weeks," The most beautiful lady said.

"Well, Esme, please, take a seat and tell us about yourself," I said courteously and I gestured to the old couch beside me. I placed myself in the armchair and the kids sat on the floor.

"Well, my husband is Carlisle and he works at the local hospital in our hometown in Oregon as a doctor. Together, we adopted eight children." She said.

"_Eight_ Children," I said. I couldn't believe it. How did she manage with eight children I asked myself?

"Yes, eight. Rosalie and Jasper are twins and are 18 along with Emmett; Edward, Alice and Bella are all 17; our youngest Renesmee, is 11 and Jacob is 21." Esme informed us.

I looked at my children who were all gaping at Esme in shock. Seven teenagers/ young adults and one 11 year old.

"Wow, that must be- that must be difficult," I said. What a stupid thing to say; of course it would be difficult to raise eight children.

"No not really, they are all very well-behaved and mature for their age." Esme said loyally. I had a feeling that they weren't as well-behaved and perfect as she said they were.

"Well, I trust you read the handbook my wife left for you?" I asked. I secretly hoped not; just so I could stay and talk to her.

"Yes, I did," She said.

My hope vanished in an instant. "Well, I expect dinner to be ready by 7:00 then. Children, chores please," I said a little more harshly than I intended.

"Yes father," My children said as they stood up and went to do their various chores.

"I must go to my office, I have work to do." I said and I left the room.

Esme POV

The door opened and I saw man of about forty-five years of age walk in; followed by his three children. When they entered the room, the father, Gerald, gaped at me and his eyes widen in shock at the sight of me. I was used to this but it was unsettling standing in front of a man who was probably thinking of me in ways I don't want to know and Carlisle wasn't here with me.

"H-hi," Gerald managed to force out. "Hi, my name is Gerald McClain and these are my children. Children, please introduce yourself." He said in a stronger voice.

"Hello, my name is Mark and I'm 18," The eldest boy said to me.

"Hi, I'm Bert and I'm 14 years old," the other boy said happily as he shook my hand. I watched as he flinched at my cool skin.

"I'm Camilla and I just turned 12," the young girl told me shyly, although I could detect proudness in her voice.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all, my name is Esme and I am really excited about these two coming weeks," I said to them politely.

"Well, Esme, please, take a seat and tell us about yourself," Gerald said and he gestured at the old couch that was falling apart. I sat on it carefully; Alice would be disgusted at this and would refuse to be in the same room as something this old and disgusting. Rose and Emmett wouldn't care as long as it was stationary and they could do their _stuff_ on it. Gerald sat down on the armchair and the children reluctantly sat down on the ground.

"Well, my husband is Carlisle and he works at the local hospital in our hometown in Oregon as a doctor. Together, we adopted eight children." I began but stopped at the shocked faces around me.

"_Eight_ children," Gerald asked me.

"Yes, eight. Rosalie and Jasper are twins and are 18 along with Emmett; Edward, Alice and Bella are all 17; our youngest Renesmee, is 11 and Jacob is 21." I told Gerald. I noticed that the children were wearing expressions identical to their father's.

"Wow, that must be- that must be difficult," Gerald said.

Oh, he had no idea. "No not really, they are all very well-behaved and mature for their age." I half lied. Most of the time they were mature, but when they weren't, they were crazy.

"Well, I trust you read the handbook my wife left for you?" Gerald asked me in a tone that was hoping I didn't, probably so he could explain the rules and ogle at me even more.

"Yes, I did," I told him and I watched the hope leave his face.

"Well, I expect dinner to be ready by 7:00 then. Children, chores please," He said coldly.

"Yes father," his children replied and left the room and went in various directions.

"I must go to my office, I have work to do." Gerald said and he left the room quickly. I had a little under an hour to have dinner ready so I decided to go and prepare the food.

Lulu POV

The Cullen's were over an hour late; and by the time they finally arrived I was tired and in desperate need of a shower.

I opened the front door and stood on the porch, waiting for them to come out of the garage. When they did emerge, they walked slowly, as if they didn't notice that it was raining. As they got closer, I heard them arguing.

" – so mean, I told you that they are only selling those shoes today and I _have_ to have them, if I don't get them _now_ they are going to cost five times more than they normally would. Please Dad." I heard a small girl with pixie like features and extremely short and spiky hair.

"No, I told you, you are not getting them, especially after you go and pay $14,000 for clothes you don't need," I heard an older man say. He had blonde hair and was extremely good looking. Behind them, I saw a girl with long mahogany coloured hair holding hands with a boy with bronze hair, talking intently to an extremely tall man who had dark- copper skin and had a young girl on his back. When I saw this I was reminded of Mark, when he used to piggy back Carmella. I always told him to stop treating her like a baby and that she had to legs of her own and I would see the disappointment in both of their eyes. I didn't care though, they needed to grow up properly, and relying on someone else for something as simple as walking was pathetic.

Next I saw a tall girl with long blonde hair that fell in waves down to the middle of her back. She was filing her nails and telling another two boys to not drop anything or that she would rip them both limb from limb. I thought this was strange. That girl was particularly violent and I made a mental note to get to the bottom of it. I noticed that the whole family were wearing designer clothes. _What a waste of money_, I thought.

The two boys behind her came out of the garage carrying at least ten shopping bags each.

As they all reached the porch the older man with blonde, who I assumed was the father, Carlisle, said,

"I'm so sorry, we're so late. We had a little _incident_ at the mall." I saw the girl with spiky hair glare at him.

"That's fine, I'll accept your apology this time, but I don't want it to happen again," I said. I had decided while I was waiting, I would give them all a lecture, but I couldn't bring myself to yell at a man as beautiful and god-like as the one standing in front of me. I heard someone snicker and I glanced around but I couldn't determine who the sound had come from.

"Why don't we introduce ourselves inside," The father said.

I nodded and turned around and walked. The next thing I knew I had staggered backwards and I heard fits of laughter behind me. I had walked into the front door. I had forgotten that I closed it behind me when I came outside. I turned around and saw all the children laughing until Carlisle shushed them.

"I'm so sorry, are you all right?" He asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine thankyou," I said as I glared at the children. I was appalled at the disrespect they had shown me so far. I opened the door and walked inside. I walked into the family room and took a seat on the sofa. I waited until everyone was seated before I spoke. When everyone was seated and quiet I noticed how beautiful they all were. Even the tall copper man was beautiful, in his own unique way.

"Hello, my name is Lulu McClain and I am going to be your new mother for the next two weeks." I said as enthusiastically as I could.

I heard a snort and this time I saw where it came from. The tall blonde girl.

"Isn't Lulu what you'd call a poodle?" she said scornfully.

"Rose," The father cautioned while another burst of laughter went around the room. "Children, please." Father said again in a soft, but also stern voice I would have thought they couldn't hear but they all stopped laughing immediately.

"I'm sorry for my children's behaviour tonight. I am Carlisle and these are all my children." I was right, he was Carlisle.

"I'm Alice, I can tell we're going to have lots of fun during the next few weeks," The small girl with spiky hair said as she bounced forward and hugged me. I heard giggling again as she spoke.

"I'm Emmett," the incredibly huge muscular boy said. I was suspicious of him already, I should drop hints to Carlisle that his son might be on steroids.

"I'm Jasper, ma'am, pleased to meet you," The boy who had helped Emmett carry in all the bags said in a beautiful southern accent.

"I'm Jake," The dark boy said and he stood up and shook my hand in a firm grasp. When he stood up, I realised he was taller that I originally thought. He must be at least 6'5 tall.

"I'm Renesmee, but all my friends call me Nessie and because your not my friend, you have to call me Renesmee otherwise I won't listen to anything you say." I was horrified. How could a child speak so rudely to an adult? I watched as everyone laughed and I saw that even Carlisle smiled.

"I'm Edward," the last boy said. I looked at him and with his wavy, messy, bronze coloured hair and perfect features, he was by far the hottest of the children, next to Carlisle though, he was nothing. I saw him look at me in disgust.

"Bella," the girl beside him said. She was the one with long mahogany hair and she was resting her head on Edward's shoulder and holding his hand.

I looked expectantly at the last girl, waiting for her to introduce herself to me. Nothing. She didn't even look up from examining her fingernails.

"Rose," Carlisle said.

"Yes, Dad?" She asked sweetly.

"Introduce yourself please," He said.

She obviously didn't want to even look at me but something tells me that these kids would always listen to their father.

"I'm Rose," She muttered, not even looking directly at me.

"Well, that's us why don't you tell us about yourself?" Carlisle asked me.

"I live with my husband, Gerald and three children; Mark, Bert and Carmella. I love my children and have brought them up to be respectful and responsible. I believe in the sayings "_Children should be seen and not heard_" and "_Children should only speak when spoken to._" My children do all the chores around the house and cook meals and I do the shopping and volunteer work everyday. We also attend Mass and we have a dress code." I said. Everyone looked at me with raised eyebrows and I was sure I heard Rose mutter,

"Those poor kids, we've known her for less than ten minutes and we already hate her," under her breath. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw Carlisle look at her sternly and she hung her head.

"Well, I'll get Jasper and Emmett to take your bags to you room." Carlisle said.

With that everyone left and went upstairs, probably to their various bedrooms, except Jasper and Emmett who were grumbling about being treated like slaves. The picked up the suitcases in one hand and made their way along a corridor that was hidden behind the giant staircase and I followed them. I was shocked. It took the camera men all their effort to carry my bags in yet these boys were doing it with ease. They walked along the long corridor right to the end and then opened a door on the right. For a second I had thought they were heading for the door on the end. They walked in, placed my bags on the bed and left. I walked into the room and saw that it was no where near as grand as any of the others in the house. There was a small double bed, a bedside table with two small draws, a desk, a wooden chair and a small cupboard. There were sliding doors that lead into a tiny ensuite with enough room for a toilet, small shower and a small sink. This whole room that was mine for the next two weeks must have been smaller the size of the ensuites in the rooms upstairs. I unpacked the bags as quickly as I could and sat down on the bed. I looked over my shoulder at the alarm clock on the bedside table and it read 8:23. I stood up and went to see about dinner. I closed my bedroom door and I noticed the door next to me. I saw that it had a shiny padlock on it so I was unable to opened it and have a look inside. I shrugged my shoulder and just assumed it was a basement full of old broken things. I walked down the corridor back to the family room. No one was around so I walked into the kitchen and found it deserted. The lights were off and it was in the exact same condition as it had been when I first arrived. I walked up the stairs.

"Carlisle," I said, I realised I had no idea where exactly his office was. I heard a lot of talking, shouting, music and arguing coming from one of the bedrooms. I had a huge shock when I turned around and Alice was suddenly behind me.

"Carlisle's gone, he went to work, said he had a lot of paperwork or something," She said to me.

"Well, what's for dinner?" I asked. My children cooked the meals in my house but I abruptly remembered that Esme did _everything_ around this house.

"We all ate already, we didn't want to bother you so we ate by ourselves and we didn't know what you wanted so we didn't cook you anything," she said with a big smile on her face. She turned around and went into a bedroom where all the noise was coming from. I shook my head in disapproval and walked back down the stairs, heading to the kitchen to find something to have for dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

**SM owns Twilight **

**Hey everyone, sorry for the wait, as I said in Saviour, I have decided to update on the 8****th**** of every month. I know it seems like a long time, but I need time for school and sport and my job.**

**Enjoy**

**AussieGal20**

**Please R&R**

**Please check out the poll on my profile, I want to know whether to write from Lulu's POV or from the Cullen kids :D**

_Monday (Still)_

Lulu POV

It was almost 11:30 at night and all the children, apart from Renesmee, were still awake. I decided to walk upstairs and see why they weren't in bed yet. I walked up the stairs and opened the bedroom door all the noise was coming from.  
"Geez, don't you ever knock?" Rosalie said rudely.

I looked in and saw everyone sitting in the middle of the room on the carpet playing cards.

"Go away, we're in the middle of something," Rosalie said.

"Dad's home," Alice squealed and everyone scrambled up from their position and ran out of the room pushing past me. I don't know how Alice knew Carlisle was home because I didn't hear any doors opened.

"Ness, Dad's home," Emmett yelled. I heard a door open and a thud as it slammed shut.

"Yay, I haven't seen daddy in ages," Renesmee said and she ran down the stairs as fast as she could. I followed Renesmee after a few seconds and when I entered the room I saw just who loving this family was. All the children were crowding around Carlisle and all talking animatedly. It took me a while to realize that they were actually all arguing.

"Children," I said loudly, but they didn't acknowledge me at all.

"Children, be quiet," I said louder. They all stopped talking and turned to face me.

"Dad, Edward was cheating, he always cheats," the big brawny one whined, Emmett I think his name was.

"Edward did you cheat?" Carlisle asked wearily.

"No, Emmett's making it up, he's just a sore loser," Edward replied.

"I am NOT!" Emmett yelled.

"Emmett, calm down," Carlisle said.

"NO! Everyone calls me a sore loser and I'm not. Edward cheated. He always cheats," Emmett yelled.

"Emmett Cullen," I said angrily, don't you dare talk to your father in that tone."

"Who said we had to do what you say, you're not our mother and besides you're supposed to be like Esme and she never yells." Rosalie said to me angrily.

"Rosalie, that was uncalled for, please apologize," Carlisle said calmly.

"No, I don't want to, she has done nothing to earn my respect," Rosalie seethed.

"Carlisle, isn't it a bit late for the children to be awake? They have school tomorrow morning," I asked.

"No, we always stay up this late. It's the only time we get to see Car-dad," Bella said to me.

"Children, Lulu's right, it's getting late and it's time you were all in bed. Renesmee get Jake to tuck you in tonight, I might come in later, but I have work to do right now," Carlisle said. The children obediently and grudgingly made their way upstairs, glaring at me as they walked past. Once we had heard five doors slam Carlisle leaned back into the armchair he was sitting in and sighed. He closed his eyes took a deep breath.

"Lulu, I have to go and take care of a few things, I'll see you tomorrow," Carlisle said and walked smoothly up the stairs. I walked into the kitchen and decided to make something to eat.

Esme POV

I was in the kitchen staring at the meal chart Lulu had taped to the fridge. Today was Monday so we were having steak and vegetables. I really felt sorry for these kids, they had no room for change and their mother even had schedule for meals. I rummaged around the kitchen until I found the appropriate utensils and food and started preparing the meal. I heard heavy footsteps on the stair case and figured that it was Gerald.

"What are you doing?" I heard him ask me angrily.

"I'm preparing dinner, like you asked," I answered, confused.

"No, the children are to cook dinner, like they do every night," He said forcefully.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but it wasn't mentioned in the handbook that the children cook dinner," I told Gerald.

"Well, they do," he retort angry still.

"Oh, um, what would Lulu be doing now?" I asked.

"She would either be supervising the children with their chores or she would be reading," he told me.

"Oh, right well, I'll leave everything here for the children to do later, I'll be up in my room if you need me," I said and quickly left the room. I made my way to my bedroom and sank onto the bed. I knew there was something odd with Gerald, his harshness and sternness with his children seemed forced and earlier when he told Mark to stop playing with Camilla, it seemed half-hearted. I was not in the mood for reading so I made up my mind to go and see the children's opinions on their lifestyle and if they wanted any particular changes. I walked into the laundry where Camilla was loading the washing machine with clothes.

"Hello Camilla," I said politely.

"Oh, hello Esme, please call me Milly" Camilla told me.

"Well, Milly, I was just coming to talk to you, and see if you wanted anything in particular changed," I asked calmly.

"Oh um, well, you see, there is heap of things I want changed," Camilla told me.

"That's okay, just tell me and I'll try to accommodate as many as possible," I said smiling. I wondered how horrible their life was if they were begging for changes.

"Well, mum makes us do four activities each, I really don't like them, except for cheerleading, that's fun, but I hate everything else. My friend Scarlett does Karate and said it heaps of fun," Milly said excitedly. "And I wish I didn't have so many chores, All my friends at school only have to do the washing up and stuff, and I hate having to eat the same thing every single week," Milly exclaimed rolling her eyes.

"Is that it?" I asked.

"Oh no, there's heaps more but I'm sure Mark or Bert will mention the rest," She said.

"Alright if there's anything else you want changed, or anything you want to talk about, please, just come and see me, I'll be happy to have a chat with you," I said and left the room. I walked into the bathroom, where Bert was methodically scrubbing the bathtub.

"Hello Bert," I said.

"Hi," He grunted and continued scrubbing.

"I just came in to see if you wanted anything you want change next week in rule change," I asked hesitantly. Bert stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me.

"You mean, we can _choose_ the new rules?" he asked incredulous.

I was confused, _how controlling is this woman?_ I thought.

"Of course Bert, I want you to know how it feels to live in a normal-" I broke of. I wasn't one to criticize this family on 'normal' considering my family was far worse than this one.

"I'm sorry. I just want you to experience living a little differently," I rephrased.

After I had spoken to all the children, I had a fair idea of what rules I would put into place next week. Meanwhile, I was in the living room, watching the children prepare dinner, I felt absolutely helpless, but I was supposed to follow their rules this week.

I still had the feeling that something was bother Gerald though, but I just figured it was the nerves of having a stranger in his house. I decided to confront him about it later in the week if he was still this angry and anxious.

From what I had gathered by the close observing I had done of the children, I had gathered that they were all very polite and well behaved. Or in other words, brainwashed by these parents. I especially liked Milly, she seemed like such a lively person, and from talking to her earlier after she had finished her chores, I had the feeling she would get along well with Alice.

Hey everyone,

I know this chapter is a lot shorter but the next one is bigger, I promise.

Please read and review, let me know if its good, I want to know if I can write comedy… well :]


	5. Chapter 5

Hey everyone

ENJOY

_Tuesday_

Alice POV

It was just after Carlisle had sent us to bed that I had gathered everyone in mine and Jaspers room for a meeting.

"I hate Lulu, she's so mean," Ness said.

"Renesmee Carlie, hate is a very strong word," Bella scolded. I rolled my eyes, and she glared at me.

"Hunny, I have to agree with our daughter on this one, Lulu is very judgemental and has quite a few inappropriate thoughts," Edward said. Everyone scrunched up their noses at that thought.

"No, Emmett, she hasn't thought about Rosalie like that, she's not a lesbian mother with kids and a husband who had a sex change," Edward said exasperated. I giggled, it was such an Emmett thing to think.

"Anyway to the point, we have to come up with a plan to get rid of her," I said.

"Does anyone have any ideas?" I asked. "No, alright then," I continued, in the same breathe. I was anxious to share my ideas. "We really ought to plan this out, a game plan, you might say, and we'll always be a few steps ahead of her, thanks to Edward and I. I know that in exactly five minutes Bella, Rose and I are going to walk downstairs claiming to get Bella some Pepto-Bismol for Bella, because she feels sick. Then we are all going to over hear her attempt to flirt with Carlisle," I said disgusted at this woman. I couldn't believe that what I had seen was her best attempt at flirting. And her _clothes_, it was like she lived in the Stone Age. "Then we do exactly what Esme told us to do," I smiled proudly at my plan.

"Do we get to do anything?" Emmett complained.

"Did, I say I was finished?" I snapped. _Such_ a baby, I thought. "Emmett and Jake are going to have a fight wake up Renesmee. Jasper, you yell at them and by then she'll snap and yell at Carlisle to control us," I said happily.

"Alice, do we really want Carlisle yelled at?" Bella asked uncertainly.

"Bella, Carlisle's old, he'll survive being yelled at," I assured her.

"Woohoo," Emmett cheered.

"Alright, everyone to their stations," I ordered, and we all scattered. Rose and I walked on either side of Bella, while Bella groaned convincingly. She was better at this acting stuff than she gave herself credit for. We walked past Carlisle's study when we heard Lulu's '_flirting._'

"Hey Carlisle, I can tell you work out," Lulu said in a disgusting purr. I don't know how Carlisle could listen to her without gagging.

"Three,"

"I love doctors,"

"Two,"

"I mean they're so…"

"One"

"Strong, and–"

"RAPE!"  
"RAPE!"

"RAPE!"

We all screamed at once, running into the room rushing towards Carlisle.

"RAPE!"  
"RAPE!"

"RAPE!"

Lulu was covering her ears glaring at us.

"Girls, stop," Carlisle said. It was immediately quiet, only the sound of Lulu's heavy breathing.

"What was that all about?" Lulu asked fuming.

"We were just doing what mum told us to do," Bella muttered, glazing her eyes over with venom, to give the appearance of watery, teary eyes.

"What, stay awake until past midnight and interrupt adult conversations?" Lulu said crankily. _Somebody_ clearly needed to go to bed.

"No, mum said that we had to scream rape until your eardrums burst if we caught you flirting with dad," Rose said in her usual off-hand manner.

"What are you still doing awake anyway, you were sent to bed half an hour ago," Lulu added.

"We came with Bella to get Pepto-Bismol, she feels sick," I said, adding to the conversation. I saw Carlisle's face tighten slightly and I smiled at him.

"And all three of you need to go together?" Lulu asked skeptically.

"Bella needs the moral support if she feels sick," I said in tone that implied she was stupid.

Right on cue there was a huge thwack.

"Hey," Jacob said indignantly, "Stop it,"

_Slap!_

"Oww," Emmett whined.

"Don't you dare throw that lamp Emmett," Jacob growled.

"Stop snoring then!" Emmett yelled.

_Bang!_

"Emmett, Esme will kill you, you broke her lamp," Jacob said, laughing maniacally.

"Stop laughing!" Emmett yelled. There was a huge _thud_ and Emmett had launched himself at Jacob and they were now wrestling.

"What's going on?" said Nessie's sleepy voice.

A door slammed and it was Jaspers turn to contribute.

"What is with the arguing, I can't hear the TV," Jasper's angry voice said.

"What, can't hear you stupid discovery channel?" Jacob sneered. _This is good_, I thought, she was almost going to snap. Just one more push, I thought desperately.

"Excuse me?" said Jasper, incredulously. "I wasn't watching the _discovery channel_, I was watching _the matrix 3_," Jasper said.

"Yeah sure you were," Jacob said, I could almost see the eyes rolling.

"Hey," Jasper said. I saw him push Jacob in about two seconds.

Jacob pushed him back, and it kept going until Emmett eventually pushed them both over the railing.

_Thud_!

The sound of Jasper and Jacob hitting the ground echoed through the house.

Lulu screamed blue murder and ran out of Carlisles study to investigate the damage inflicted, of course, we all knew they were both fine. Carlisle looked at us, disappointment evident in expression. I felt a slight twinge of guilt, but ah well, this was all for a good cause.

"Carlisle," Lulu screamed. Carlisle sighed and walked out towards where Lulu was.

"Look at the mess these children have made! You need to learn to control them," she said angrily. Bella, Rose and I followed to see what mess she was talking about, the only mess was the broken lamp and a photo frame.

"Jeez, no need to overreact," Emmett said and rolled his eyes.

"I am not over reacting, and don't speak back to me young man," Lulu snapped. We all started howling with laughter at her comment, Carlisle even smiled slightly. "Stop laughing, and clean this mess up," she ordered.

"your supposed to be mum this week," Emmett reminded her. "And mum always cleans up the mess we make after we argue," Emmett said. This was not true, if anyone ever broke anything, she made us clean the mess, replace whatever we broke, and depending on the value, we would lose a privilege, that was only in extreme cases though, or in Emmett's case, every few weeks.

Lulu glared at us but accepted and Carlisle sent us up to our rooms and we were forbidden to leave again until it was time to 'wake up' in the morning.

It was 3:30 in the morning, the crew had left right after we had all been sent to bed for the last time and Lulu was sound asleep, as was Jake and Nessie, while the rest of us were occupying ourselves quietly. I was currently in Carlisles office pleading with him

"Carlisle please, its just a few harmless pranks, she won't get hurt or anything, I promise you," I tried to reason with Carlisle.

"Alice, you should have thought about this before you signed us up for the show. Now you have to suffer the consequences," Carlisle said.

"Please, please, it will make for good TV; we want to be the awesome house, not the boring one," I said. "We promise that all the pranks will be harmless and she will in no way, get hurt or injured," I swore.

Carlisle wasn't buying it so I had to go all out.

"Please daddy, I'll give up shopping for a whole 24 hours," I begged him

"I shouldn't be going along with this, but if you promise that she won't get hurt, and anything that gets broken, you have to explain to your mother, and no pranks that can expose us," Carlisle said. "Wow, this must be important if you want to prank her that much. I won't make you give up shopping though Ali," he added.

"Yay, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou," I said excitedly as I hugged Carlisle. I danced out of the room and rallied everyone else for a second meeting.

Lulu POV

I woke up the next morning at 7:30 and I slowly made my way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. The house was eerily quiet, and I noticed a sheet of paper on the bench top.

_Lulu,_

_I have left for work and will not be back _

_until late tonight, please have the children_

_ready for school by 8:15, Jake will help_

_you with Renesmee,_

_Thanks, Carlisle._

I had 45 minutes to get these devils ready for school. I made my way upstairs and began waking everyone up. I started with the same room I entered first yesterday, when I opened the door I saw Edward and Bella in the bed, sleeping peacefully.

"Get up," I said loudly, using the same method that I did at home.

"Ungh," was the only response I got.

I entered the next room, the one with the vintage rifles and saw Jasper and Alice, still asleep.

"Get up," I said. Alice picked up a pillow from beside the bed and hurled it at me with a surprising amount of strength. I wondered if this was the same attitude that these children displayed towards their mother, _Probably_, I decided.

The next room was Emmett and Rosalie. They were both on top of the sheets, in a very immodest position.

"Eww, go away, you perv, ever heard of knocking?" I heard Rosalie growl in disgust. I staggered backwards and made my way upstairs. I walked into Renesmee's room and woke her up. Last but not least was Jacob.

"Get up," I repeated for what seemed like the millionth time. He was snoring so loudly that he couldn't hear me. I shuddered at the thought of entering this pigsty, but did it anyway, against my better judgement. I shook Jacob until he began to wake up.

"Get your gross hands off of me, he said, and jerked away from my touch. His skin seemed extremely hot and I was afraid he was unwell, but he looked fine. _Serve him right anyway. Staying up until after midnight and fighting like that,_ I thought.

I made my way back down stairs and double checked the bedrooms again. Emmett and Rosalie were still in bed, but at least they were under the sheet now.

"Get out of bed, you have to be ready for school in less that an hour," I said.

The stirred again, and from what I could see, began to get out of bed.

I walked into Alice and Jasper's room again and saw that they were both still sound asleep. They looked so peaceful and innocent, but then I remembered what they were like yesterday.

"Wake up, time for school," I said loudly, I opened the curtains as well and let the bright light shine in their faces.

I left them and went back into Edward and Bella's room. Bella had her eyes closed but her face was scrunched up in anguish. Edward rolled over, his back to her.

"Get out of bed, it's time to get ready for school," I said.

"I don't feel well," Bella moaned. It was like a switch had been flicked. Edward opened his eyes and sat up immediately.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked, concerned.

"No," she groaned in pain. "I feel sick," she said.

"What's wrong? Where do you feel sick?" Edward asked almost frantically. You would have thought she was dying or something.

"My stomach, I feel like I'm going to throw up," she said as she curled into a ball and clutched her stomach.

I walked over to her and put my hand on her forehead. She wasn't hot like I was expecting. On the contrary, her skin was ice cold and she looked extremely pale, paler that she was before.

"It doesn't look like you're well enough for school, I said grudgingly. Bella groaned again and she clutched her stomach tighter.

"Bella, it's okay, I'll stay here with you, you won't be alone," Edward said.

"Oh no, mister, you'll be going to school, just like everyone else," I said firmly.

"I'm not leaving Bella alone when she's sick, she needs to be looked after," Edward said stubbornly.

"Bella won't be alone, Renesmee, Jacob and I will be with her," I said.

"What's wrong? Are you guys not going to school?" I heard Alice enquire as she bounded into the room, followed closely by Jasper.

"No, only Bella is staying home because she is sick, everyone else is going to school," I said.

"Bella needs me, I'm staying home," Edward said defiantly.

"What that's not fair," Alice whined. "If Edward gets to stay home with Bella, than Rose and I should too, Bella, needs female support," She tried to reason.

"You're all going to school, only Bella is staying home," I said firmly. If was being spoken to like this by my children, they would have been belted by now. However I had to stay calm.

"What, they get to stay home?" Emmett whined, joining the argument, Along with Rosalie.

"No, no one except for Bella is staying home," I said.

"If Bella's sick, I have to be her to help her through her terrible ordeal. She'll need a real man around the house," Emmett said, earning a glare and a pillow in the face from Edward.

"No one else is staying home," I said.

"I'd rather be stuck at home all day with Jake and Emmett that have to go to school alone, I want to stay home too," Jasper declared. It was as if I was invisible or mute, they all completely ignored me.

"Guys, keep it down," Bella whimpered.

"Sorry Bella," they all said quietly.

"Well I don't care, I'm staying home," said Edward.

"Me too," Alice said.

"Me three,"

"Yeah me too,"

"And me," Everyone declared. I knew that it wouldn't be worth arguing with them over this, I would lose and there would most definitely be a argument of some sort, with another object broken.

"Fine," I conceded grudgingly. "But you're all doing homework," I added but they had already left the room cheering with triumph. I left the room and went downstairs to make some breakfast.

By 11:00 that morning, all of the kids were occupied with something. Bella was upstairs in bed; the other girls were reading magazines, while the boys were playing some sort of band game. I think I heard Emmett call it _Band slam_. Renesmee had resisted her usual school work, arguing that if everyone else got a day off, then she should to. I didn't want another argument, so I let it go. While they were all relaxing, I was slaving away, cleaning the house. I rarely did most of what I was doing now; these were the chores I set for my children. None of the Cullen kids had offered to help me either. I felt sorry for Esme having to live like this. At least next week, I would be able to show this family the proper way of living, and teach them some respect as well. This is what I kept telling myself, this is why I agreed to do the show, to help a dysfunctional family. Although the Cullen's weren't exactly what I had thought they would be like, they were still a family who needed help. A piercing, bloodcurdling scream came from upstairs, interrupting my thoughts. I heard a stampede as everyone ran upstairs to see what had happened to Bella. I dropped the cloth I had be working with and ripped of the gloves, grabbing the phone. I quickly called the number Carlisle had left me in case of an emergency as I raced upstairs.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered.

"Carlisle, its Lulu, Bella's hurt herself," I explained.

"What happened?" Carlisle said.

I entered Bella's room and I first saw Alice sobbing into Jaspers chest repeating, "No, no, no, no, no, no." My eyes drifted to Emmett hugging Rosalie saying, "It's okay, it's happened and there's nothing we can do to change it, everything will be okay."

I saw Edward shielding Bella, blocking her from view saying,

"Bella, Bella, can you hear me?"

I noticed Renesmee in the far corner pulling on Jacobs sleeve asking,

"Jake, will Bella be okay?"

"What's wrong? What happened?" I asked when I found my voice.

"Tiffany g-got voted off America's n-next t-top model," Alice replied through sobs.

"Carlisle, false alarm, the girls are just being overly dramatic," I explained and hung up.

"That's it? That's all the fuss and screaming was about?" I asked. Rosalie turned around to face me, a menacing glare on her face,

That's it, that's it? Tiffany getting voted off is as horrible as Elmo getting fired," she said angrily. I rolled my eyes and walked down the stairs angrily. I couldn't believe they got so worked up over some stupid reality TV show.

Esme POV

I 'woke up' this morning at 6:30 and woke the children up for school, like I was instructed to do by Gerald last night. They were all dressed and downstairs eating breakfast within twenty minutes and I was sure this was abnormal for teenagers. It took me longer to wake Nessie up and I didn't even bother attempting to wake Jacob up anymore. I had to force down some breakfast, like I had with the dinner last night. And by the time the kids had all left for school and Gerald had left for work, I was almost running up stairs to empty my stomach of the disgusting stuff humans called food. I walked back downstairs, and consulted the handbook once again. According to this, I was to go grocery shopping before volunteering at the retirement village. I used the car that had driven me here and directed the drivers to the closest shopping centre. I had noticed the Lulu had a sheet of paper and she wrote down what she was running out of during the course of the day and would then stock up the next day. I thought it was slightly odd, surely humans didn't have to go shopping _every_ day? I thought to myself.

After the grocery shopping, I went to the retirement village, which was, I had to admit, slightly boring. All I did all morning was mop floors, clean dishes and change bed linen. I did have more fun at the animal shelter, despite the dull ache in my throat from the blood. At the animal shelter, I cleaned out the cages and although I desperately wanted to hold the extremely cute puppy, it growled and barked at me, knowing that I was something different, a danger.

At 20 to three, I picked up Camilla first, after she got into the car and we were on our way to the boys' school I asked her,

"How was school today?" Milly looked perplexed, but I didn't know what at.

"What's wrong Camilla?" I asked her kindly, in an especially soft tone I used around humans.

"N-nothing, it's just that mum _never_ asks us how school is, we aren't allowed to talk in the car, you see, because it distracts her," Milly said. I frowned; this woman really was a piece of work wasn't she. I hated to think how she was treating my children, but I had to smile at that thought. If they ever crossed someone they really didn't like, whether it be a human, vampire or other mythical creature, that person was really going to have to watch out.

I talked to the children the whole car trip, discussing homework, class assignments, daily gossip and other small talk. I did notice that the kids seemed a lot happier than I had seen them, they were always so quiet and worried that they would do something wrong and get in trouble. I drove them to their various activities. Today it was Basketball for Mark, Mathletes for Bert and Cheerleading for Camilla.

By the time we were home and had finished our dinner, I was bored out of my brain. I couldn't bear to have to think about following this monotonous schedule for five more days.

**This chapter is bigger than the last,**

**It is mostly the Cullen's household although I did add Esme at the end, please let me what house you want to read more of, personally, I find it more fun to write about the Cullen's but I really want your opinion too:)**

**Please do the poll on my home page, I want to know who's POV you enjoy most so that the story is most interesting for you ;D**


	6. Chapter 6

_Tuesday evening/ Wednesday _

Emmett POV

The last prank we pulled off was a huge success. Crazy lady had totally fallen for Bella feeling sick and we all ganged up on her so we could stay home and execute our next plan. That one was a success as well, when she found out that Bella had screamed over a TV show, she was so angry. All this planning was paying off. We had decided not to do too much, so she didn't get suspicious, so that was all the pranking we had for today. Arguing and wrestling didn't count as pranks though, because we did that anyway. It was 4:30 in the afternoon and Bella was still faking sick so she was lying on the couch, while the rest of us were playing poker, while Lulu was reading in her bedroom.

"Edward stop cheating," I whined. He had just won his eighth hand in a row.

"I'm not cheating, I'm just better that you are," he said.

"You are not, you're cheating," I said. "No one can win that many times in a row," I said.

"Edwards not cheating Emmett," Bella piped up.

"Well if Edwards not cheating, then Alice is," I said. It was true, one of them _always_ cheats.

"No we don't Emmett," Edward said.

'Alice does not cheat," Jasper said.

"Yes she does, and so do you," I said, accusing Jasper now.

"How the hell could I ever cheat at poker?" Jasper asked.

"Oh don't pretend as if you don't know," I said.

"I'm not pretending. I really don't know," Jasper said.

"You cheat by making us all feel totally confident, so we bet and raise when we really have a crappy hand and then we lose all our money," I said.

"Emmett, stop blaming others for your inability to play poke well," Jasper sneered. I leaped over the coffee table we were playing at and tackled him into the couch. We rolled around and wrestled until there was a huge CRACK! We both stopped immediately and saw that we had broken the plasma screen TV.

"Jeez guys, good work," Rosalie said mockingly.

"Now, we're going to be in so much trouble, I told Carlisle we wouldn't break anything," Alice whined. "Now he won't let us do anymore pranks," she said. "Oh, quick, Lulu will be here in 10 seconds," Alice said. We hid the cards at vampire speed and we all arranged ourselves so we were all in a comfortable nonchalant manner. We were all talking quietly when Lulu walked into the room.

"What's going on in here?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," we all answered casually.

She narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything else.

"Hey Lulu, want to play a game with us?" I asked her cheerfully. Everyone looked at me warily, while Lulu looked calculating. She eventually decided that I sounded genuine enough so she agreed.

"Sure, what do you want to play?" she asked slowly.

"Okay, the game is called hide the broken TV from mum and buy a new one before dad finds out too," I said. Lulu glanced at the TV, noticed the damage and stared at it in disbelief. Everyone else was groaning.

"Emmett, why did you have to go and say something? She wouldn't have noticed and we could have gotten a new one without her even knowing. No she's going to tell Carlisle and we'll _all_ get in trouble," Alice said crossly.

Carlisle came home early, at 7:00, after arranging with his work so he could be here more for the next two weeks, like a normal father with a bunch of teenage children would. Apparently no human woman was brave enough to face the wrath of the seven Cullen's and well, Jacob.

"Carlisle was sitting in the living room and we were spread out on the sofas, leaving no room for Lulu to sit. So she had to stand.

"Children are you going to tell your father what happened today?" she asked us. Man, why did she have to call us children? Most of us here were older that her grandparents! Edward suppressed a snort, but Lulu didn't notice while the rest of us just looked at her with blank faces; my dear wife didn't even make the effort to raise her head. "No?" she said.

"What happened Lulu?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

"What happened? Today was a disaster. First it took me half an hour to get them out of bed, then after I told them Bella was staying home sick they all started whining and carrying on about how unfair it was, then they all declared they were staying home. I got sick o the arguing and complaining so I let them off for today. Then when I told Renesmee it was time to start school work, she had a temper tantrum because the others didn't have to do school work. Then Bella screams bloody murder, of course with that reaction I expected her to be injured but when I get upstairs, I find Bella, Alice and Rosalie crying over a television show. Then this afternoon, I hear yelling and fighting going on, so I walk into the other living room to see them all extremely calm and quite, and then I find out that Emmett and Jasper broke the Plasma screen TV in another one of their fights." Lulu was panting for breath when she finished ranting about how awesome we were.

"Lulu, I am very sorry for my children's behaviour, they have all come from very different and stressful backgrounds and because of this, none of them cope well with change, of any kind," Carlisle said. "I will however have a word to them and if this behaviour gets any worse, I am sure they understand that there will be consequences," Carlisle assured her. She seemed to relax after this.

_The next morning_

Lulu POV

I woke the next morning to the sound of yelling. I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and nearly had a heart attack. It was 4:45 in the morning! How could they be arguing already? I thought to myself angrily. I got up out of bed and put on my dressing gown to go and see what all the noise was about. I walked out into the living room and saw the strangest sight. All of the children, Renesmee included, were lined up against the wall made of glass. Each person was holding what looked like old army rifles, from the civil war. Similar to the ones I had seen in Alice and Jaspers bedroom. The yelling I had heard was Emmett screaming at the top of his lungs, probably what he considered military commands.

"Attention!" he screamed at the others. "walk, walk, walk, walk, TURN! Walk, walk, TURN! Walk, walk, walk, STOP! At ease soldiers," Emmett said, directing the others around the room. The crazy thing was, was that they all obliged, wearing serious faces, as if they were professionals, and were _actually_ soldiers. I waked out of the room, heading back to bed, hoping to get another hour and a half sleep at least. I was confused, one morning these children refused to get out of bed, the next; they are all awake before dawn. _What have I gotten myself into?_ I thought as I got into bed.

Of course the Cullen children were unable to be quiet for more than ten minutes at a time. I shoved the pillow on top of my head, attempting to drown out the noise of Guitar Hero! ™ But that proved impossible. I eventually gave in trying to get extra sleep and went back out to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

I ate breakfast slowly, trying not to fall asleep in my cereal when suddenly I felt extremely alert, and energetic, I had the sudden urge to go out into the living room and join the Cullen's in their intense game. As quickly as it had come, the feeling left and in its place, came an intense depression. I felt suddenly lethargic and had no energy at all. Again, this emotion left quickly and now I just felt normal. _I must be going crazy! What the hell is wrong with me? I swear it's because I'm tired and have lost sleep_ I reasoned with myself.

I walked into the living room where all the children were.

"Get ready for school now," I said before leaving the school to go and have a shower myself.

After my shower, I wrapped myself in a dressing gown and walked out of the ensuite and into the bedroom. I opened the cupboard and saw that all of my clothes were gone. I checked the dresser and the bedside table and both were empty. _Where the hell is all my stuff!_ I thought angrily. I stormed out of my room and down the hall into the living room. At first I was shocked to see them all dressed and ready for school, I could see six backs packed ready and next to the garage door, and all eight of them in the living room. The surprise of the children _actually_ listening to me for a change was quickly morphed into anger at my missing clothes, and I was positive that these kids had something to do with it.

"Where are my clothes?" I demanded. I was shocked when they all started laughing.

"Where did you put my clothes?" I demanded again getting angrier by the second.

"Oh, I took care of them," Alice said airily, everyone burst into laughter again.

"What do you mean by took care of them?" I asked

"I threw them all away," she said casually, not taking her eyes of the screen or wavering her beat as she hit the drums.

"You threw my clothes away?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, they were the ugliest clothes I have ever seen in my life and they were insulting the meaning of clothes, not to mention upsetting the clothing Gods," she said, as if this was something she did everyday.

"Why are you so bent out of shape?" Rosalie said. "It's no big loss, I mean those clothes were what? Bought at a garage sale In Jesus' time?" she said sneeringly.

Now, not only was I angry at Alice for throwing away my clothes, but I was now angry at Rosalie for disrespecting our Lord Jesus.

Who the hell did she think she was? Throwing away my clothes like that?

Why oh why did I have to get swapped with a family that was o ignorant and loud? I swear these kids had it in for me, why did I get stuck with the demonic children. _Their_ mother was lucky; she got to spend two weeks with my perfectly behaved children. She was probably savouring these two weeks, before she has to come back home and deal with this, I thought angrily at my on horrid fate.

I stamped out of the room angrily, straight to call Carlisle.

"Carlisle, I just went to take a shower and when I got out, to find that all my clothes are missing. Your daughter Alice has just informed me that she threw them away because I quote: "upsetting the clothing Gods." I fumed on the pone to Carlisle. The last reaction I expected was laughing but that was exactly what he did.

"Yeah, that sounds like my Alice," he chuckled. I was horrified that he allowed this to happen, let alone laugh about it. "Lulu, can you put Alice on, I'll have a word to her now," he said. Okay, a better response now.

"Alice come here, your father wants to talk to you," I said and handed her the phone. I strained my ears so I could hear Carlisle talking, hoping to hear what Alice's punishment would be.

"Hey dad," she said breezily. "How's work?" she asked as if nothing had happened.

"Works great Alice, why is Lulu calling me at work, only two hours after I left?" Carlisle asked.

"Because I threw out her clothes," she admitted to her father, unashamed.

"Alice why would you throw out Lulu's clothes?"

"Because they were ugly," she reasoned with her father.

"Alice, that's not a good enough reason to throw away somebody else's clothes," Carlisle said.

"Yes it is," Alice argued.

"Alice, you can't throw out somebody else's clothes because_ you_ don't like them," Carlisle told her.

Alice looked genuinely shocked by this statement.

"What! Why not?" she asked pouting petulantly.

"Because everybody likes different clothes. Just because you don't like somebody else's clothes it doesn't mean you have the right to get rid of them." Carlisle told Alice. "And as a punishment, you are going to go out and buy Lulu some new clothes, using _your_ credit card," Carlisle said. I didn't think this was a punishment at all, because from what I had observed of Alice was that she loved shopping. I didn't think this was a punishment rather a reward. Apparently Carlisle knows his daughter better than I because Alice exploded at this.

"What! Carlisle, why do I have to use _my_ credit card? Why can't I use yours or better yet, _hers_?" Alice squealed in outrage. "I don't want to waste _my_ money on _her_," Alice said indignantly.

"Alice you were the one who threw away her clothes, so you are the one who has to pay for some new ones. Now let me speak to Lulu please," Carlisle asked calmly. Alice growled in frustration and stormed out of the room after slamming the phone down on the kitchen counter. I picked it up and put it to my ear.

"Carlisle?" I said.

"Lulu, I am sorry for my daughters poor behaviour, she gets a little out of hand when it comes to clothes," Carlisle said apologetically. "In the mean time, you are welcome to borrow some of Esme's clothes, Bella would probably be the best person to ask, I'm sure she'd find something of Esme's you could wear," Carlisle told me.

"Thankyou Carlisle, I'll see you this evening when you get home," I said and hung up. I walked into the living room to find eight people glaring at me.

"Squealer," someone, Alice no doubt, mumbled under her breath loud enough for me to hear.

"Bella, can you find me something of your mothers to wear?" I asked. She promptly turned around and ignored my request, as did everyone else. They all turned their attention back to Guitar Hero™ "Bella can you find me something to wear?" I asked her. Again I received no response. I was just about to yell at her when Edward turned to me and said,

You know, you might get a better response if you used some manners."

I had never been spoken to like that by one of my children. I looked confused.

"Our mother has always taught us to use our manners and say please and thankyou," Edward said. I rolled my eyes. If this woman had to teach her children anything, it was not something as basic as please and thankyou.

"Bella, can you _please_ find me something of Esme's to wear." I emphasized the please. I had never, not once had to ask my children with a please. They knew tat they were to do as they were told or else. Bella sneered at me.

"See was that so hard?" she asked scornfully. She reluctantly got up off the couch and walked upstairs into Esme and Carlisle's room. She walked into the closet and took three seconds to emerge again. It looked as if she walked in and picked up the first item of clothing she could see. It turned out to be a tight fitting, short sleeved top and pair of sweats. I hated the outfit, it completely broke all of my rules; the short sleeves and the pants; but I knew that this was the best I was going to get.

Two hours later six of the eight Cullen's were gone and I was now left with Renesmee and Jacob. At least today would be quieter than yesterday. According to Esme's handbook, she would clean in the morning and allow Renesmee to play, then at 10:30, they would start their lessons. I did clean the house like I had done yesterday, and then at 10:30 I ordered Renesmee and Jacob inside to start school work.

"Jacob, what does Esme teach Renesmee?" I asked him. Of all the children, I had expected Jacob to be the most mature and responsible. This however, was not the case.

"Ah, school work," was the genius answer that I received.

"What kind of school work?" I asked.

"School work that 11 year olds do," he answered in a tone that implied I was stupid.

"I get that, but does she teach maths, English, geography, history?" I asked.

"She teaches all of it," Jacob said.

Clearly, I was not going to get a better response so I sat down in the seat next to Renesmee and opened her books. The mathematics work that Renesmee was to be covering at the moment looked relatively easy so I decided to begin with that.

"Alright, let's start here Renesmee," I suggested.

"No, I hate maths," she wailed.

"Tough, that's what we're going to do," I told her.

"I don't want to," she said.

"And I don't car, now lets start by revising what you've done so far," I said.

Just as I got Renesmee settled the phone rang.

"Hello, Lulu McClain, Cullen residence," I answered it.

"Hello, could I please speak to Esme Cullen?" a lady asked.

"She isn't here right now, I am on the show wife swap and I am the mother filling in for the Cullen family," I explained.

"Oh, right, well this is Mrs, Cope from the high school and I was just calling to let you know that none of the children are present today," Mrs Cope said.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked, "I saw them all leave this morning," I told her.

"Quite sure, none of them have been marked present for first or second period," Mrs Cope assured me.

"Right, well thankyou, I'll get a hold of them somehow," I said and hung up. I didn't know whether to call Carlisle, or to wait until they got home from wherever they had been to get them in trouble. I decided with the latter and let the matter slip my mind for the time being.

After I got her started, Renesmee grasped the concept of basic algebra, quickly, but this improvement and good behaviour, proved to be short lived. Within an hour, she was starting to get bored and distracted.

I tried to convince her to work, but I was fighting a losing battle. Jacob proved to be no help at all, instead, encouraging Renesmee to stop working and join him in the garage, while he worked on his motorbike.

At midday, I gave in and let Renesmee go off to play, obviously she wasn't as innocent as she looked, she was just as bad as her older siblings.

The other kids got home at exactly the same time they would have if they had actually gone to school. It was obvious by the way they walked into the house, that they had no idea that their school had called and informed me of their absence.

"Hey Lulu, we had a great day at school today, we learned about protoplasm's in biology," Emmett said enthusiastically.

"Oh really?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, it was great, best thing I've learnt all year," he said.

"You know I got a call from your school today," I began.

"Emmett!" five voices cried.

"What?" he asked.

"Did you call the school and tell them we were all sick?" Jasper asked.

"Oops," he said an impish grin on his face. The five of them were throwing murderous glares at him.

Alice started yelling at him, her voice getting higher and higher until I couldn't make out what she was saying anymore.

"Okay that's enough!" I snapped, "Where were you today?" I asked furious.

"We went shopping," Alice said. "Oh, now that we don't have to sneak past Lulu, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, you can go and bring in the bags," Alice told them. They all immediately walked out to the garage and began bringing in armfuls of shopping bags. I stared open mouthed at the sheer number of bags.

"Why did you go shopping when you were supposed to go to school?" I asked them heatedly.

"Um, excuse me, Dad said we had to go shopping and buy you new clothes, when else did you think we were going to do it? In our free time?" Rosalie said scathingly.

"Alice did you buy all of these clothes?" I asked once the boys had bought all the bags inside.

"Don't be silly" she said. "Bella bought these ones, Rose bought these and I bought these," she said. Hers of course was still the biggest pile. "Oh and Carlisle bought this," she said and lifted up two bags from the local charity store.

"Your father went shopping with you?" I asked sceptically.

"Don't be stupid, I bought these for you with his credit card," Alice said and threw the bags towards me.

"I thought your father told you to buy my new clothes with your own credit card?" I said.

"I know, but there was no way I was wasting my money on your ugly clothes, besides, I memorised the number to his credit card years ago, you know in case he took mine away," she said. "Though, I've memorised those numbers too," Alice said.

"Why did you guys get to go shopping?" Renesmee whined.

"Hey Ness, I would gladly have traded with you," Emmett stage whispered to her.

"No you wouldn't I had the worst day, Lulu made me do maths, _all_ day," She complained. I rolled my eyes at that.

"Renesmee, we would have let you come shopping, but then Lulu would know and then _all_ of us wouldn't have been able to go," Alice said.

"But Ali, I love shopping," Renesmee said, pouting. "I hate staying home; you guys get to have all the fun.

"Hey, what about me?" Jacob said. "I was good company wasn't I Ness?" he asked.

"Yeah, you were the best," Renesmee said.

Again, Carlisle was welcomed home by a flurry of initial excitement, before arguments broke out and then I told him what had happened today.

Carlisle listened to what I had to say and when I finished, he turned to face the children.

"I am very disappointed with you all," Carlisle said. I thought he would elaborate, yell at the ground them for the rest of these two weeks, but that simple sentence was apparently very effective. All the children hung there heads in guilt and mumbled an apology.

"I want you all to go up to bed straight away, no arguing, and stay there until Lulu wakes you up tomorrow," Carlisle said. With that they all made their way upstairs to bed, with out another word.

Bella's POV

We were currently in Alice's closet, in another of our 'secret meetings' as Alice called them.

"Today was a huge success," Alice said excitedly. We all smiled and nodded in agreement. Shopping today had been alright, it wasn't just me and Alice, and everyone was there, so it was better. What really made it a fun trip was Edward being there. Instead of Alice's help, I had Edwards help, so most of what I had bought was lingerie.

"Now we have to come up with something for tomorrow," Alice said.

An idea immediately popped into my head, "I have an idea," I said. All heads turned to me.

"Okay, spill," Alice said.

"We all know how horrible Lulu is right?" I said. I received seven nods. "Well, what do you think her sex life would be like?" I asked, cringing as the thought of Lulu and sex life came into my head.

"Mum, Eww," Renesmee said. Renesmee knew quite a lot about sex, having received the talk when she was, biologically two, when she looked around eight years of age, but was still disgusted my the mere mention of it. We had had no choice but to tell her, after she had walked in on her dear Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett, in the middle of the act.

"It wouldn't be a very goo one right?" I said.

"It would be non existent" Emmett all but yelled.

"You're right Em, so don't you think that that topic would embarrass her?" I asked.

They all nodded.

"How do you think she would react if she saw it happening?" I said.

"Bella!" Alice squealed. "That's ingenious," she giggled.

"Not to mention gross," Edward added.

"I suppose, but wouldn't it be funny?" I said.

"It would be priceless," Alice agreed. "We just have to decide who's going to do it," Alice said. "You know, it could very well be caught on camera and you know, be seen by the whole of America," Alice added.

"We'll do it," Emmett volunteered. Of course this wouldn't bother him. Rose scowled at him.

"I don't want to do it in front of _her_," Rose said.

"Baby, why are you so embarrassed, we've been caught before, besides, you're perfect, there ain't nothing to be embarrassed about," Emmett said.

Rose was still hesitant. "Rose, if you do this, I'll get you the new Jimmy Choos that are coming out," Alice said. Rose immediately became more interested in the idea.

"Fine, I'll do it," she conceded.

"Yes," Alice said. "Great idea Bella," she said and she gave me a high five.

With that, we all left to go and entertain ourselves until the next morning.

Esme POV

The McClain household was one of the dullest households in the world. I preferred activity, rather than inactivity. This bring lifestyle, even made me miss, Alice's hyperactivity, and Even the boys arguing in the house, breaking things, at least that gave e something to do. I couldn't believe how lazy this woman was. She made her children do _everything_ around the house.

From the observations I made and from talking to them, I knew exactly what rules I was gong to change for the children. I didn't know what to do for Gerald yet, I hadn't really seen much of him, or spoken to him. I figured I would have a chat with him later today, or tomorrow maybe.

I picked up all the kids from school and drove them to their various activities. When I picked them up, we drove home and changed to go to church, seeing as it was Wednesday. I could tell that none of the children enjoyed going, the glum expressions on their faces said it all. While we were in mass, all the children fidgeted, and their eyes were glazed over, a sure sign of daydreaming or in deep thought. I had seen this expression on Bella countless times when she was a human. Even Gerald wasn't paying attention; obviously it was only the mother that was involved or interested in Church.

After mass, we went home, had dinner and I supervised the children do their homework, just like the night before, and the night before that and what would happen tomorrow and on Friday. Oh how I wished to be back with my huge loud family and hectic lifestyle.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey Everyone,**

**Sorry for the long wait **

**After much deliberation, I have decided to put my Story Saviour on hiatus only because it felt like a chore to write, the story wasn't coming naturally to me anymore. This doesn't mean I will never keep going with it, just not right now.**

**The upside to this is that it gives me more time to concentrate on this story, so the updates will most likely be quicker now.**

**Now that I've thoroughly depressed you, hopefully I can cheer you up with the next chapter **

**Chapter 7**

_Wednesday_

Rosalie POV

Today we actually went to school, not because we wanted to, but because Carlisle said we _had_ to, not to mention we needed to go to put Lulu at ease a little so we could execute or next plan. This morning, we had of course driven Lulu crazy, with the usual arguing and bickering, a few broken objects and mess to clean up. We decided to wake up at random times during the week, so she never knew what to expect. If Nessie had done what she was supposed to, Lulu would already be furious and in a bad mood. As we drove the cars up the drive way and into the garage, Jacob stuck his head out of is bedroom and gave us the thumbs up. This meant that Lulu was indeed frustrated and we could now move on to our next phase.

"Jasper, just because you were in the principal's office first, it doesn't mean you won, I was caught first, it just took me longer to _get_ to the principal's office, I was on the other side of the school," Emmett whined.

"No, I was totally caught first; I don't care how long it took you to get there, I was first in the office so I won," Jasper said smugly.

"What's this about you going to the principal's office?" Lulu asked angrily.

"Geez, nice greeting, we actually do what we're told and go to school and the only thankyou we get is more yelling," I said angrily. I was sick of this disgusting human and I wanted her out of my house.

"Rosalie, I don't think going to school and getting sent to the principal's office is a cause for congratulations," Lulu said, "No why were you in the principal's office?" Lulu asked.

"Well, Jasper and I made a bet on who would get in trouble first I we said the word bitch at the end of every sentence," Emmett explained enthusiastically. "Jasper thinks he won, because he was in the office before me, but I was sent to the office first but I got there first."

"If you were sent to the principal's office, why wasn't I called?" Lulu asked. What was wrong with this woma? She actually wanted to come down to our school? Esme hated it when on the off chance the boys got in trouble.

"No. this was only our fifth time in the principals office and the school calls mum and dad every third time we're sent there," Emmett explained.

"Wait so what were you doing again?" Lulu asked again. Were all humans this stupid or was it just this one? I thought

"Jasper and I wanted to see how long it took for the teachers to send us to the principal's office when we said bitch at the end of every sentence. See like this bitch," Emmett said. Everyone in the room laughed.

"Emmett, no, I don't want you to show me," Lulu said firmly.

"Why not bitch?" Emmett asked with a big, goofy grin on his face.

"Emmett, stop it right now," Lulu said.

"But I don't want to bitch," Emmett said pouting.

"Emmett, so help me if I have to ask you one more time, I'll call your father," Lulu threatened.

Emmett immediately shut up and Lulu stalked off. Even I didn't need Jasper's gift to know she thought she had beaten us for once.

"Alright, that was great," Alice said, "stations everyone."

Everyone went outside, except me and Emmett.

"Now you two just have to make enough noise to make Lulu want to check on us and make sure we're not breaking anything," Alice said.

"Alright, I guess we're up," I said.

I walked over to Emmett, and wrapped my arms around his neck

"Just be careful, this has to stay PG rated, it'll go on television," Alice warned us.

When Emmett and I got caught up in the moment, we tended to forget where we were and our surroundings. I concentrated on Emmett and slowly moved my arms from his hair and I began to undo his first button.

"Emmett," I said louder than I normally would have. We needed to get Lulu's attention.

He was currently kissing my neck.

"Rose baby, you are so amazing," he said.

"Oh, God Emmett," I said loudly.

My fingers were undoing his second last button.

"That's good, she'll walk in the room in five," Alice said from outside.

I undid his last button and his shirt fell to the floor.

"Three."

Before I knew it, my shirt was on the ground with his.

"Two."

Emmett nuzzled his head in my neck and kissed me.

"One."

I fisted my hands in Emmett's hair and kissed him deeply.

I heard and gasp from the doorway and it took all my effort and control to pull myself from my husband.

"What is going on in here?" Lulu asked. When Lulu walked in, my legs were wrapped around Emmett's waist and Emmett's face was buried in between my breasts.

"Do you mind?" I asked coldly.

Lulu stood there gaping at us for what seemed like a year.

"Can you hurry up, we were kind of in the middle of something," I said.

"I, I really don't think this is appropriate," Lulu said, still in shock.

"Well, it's our house and our rule week and we say it is appropriate," I said.

No if you don't mind, we're going to go upstairs, we don't want an audience," I said as Emmett swung my legs around and he was carrying me bridal style. We were halfway up the stairs and Lulu was still frozen in the living room.

An hour later, Emmett and I were walking down the stairs to join everyone who was huddled around the coffee table, Lulu was in the kitchen and Carlisle was still at work.

"Did you two have fun?" Jake asked. I glared at him

"Hey, at least I got some," Emmett said. Everyone laughed except Renesmee, because she had no idea what we were talking about and Jake just glared at Emmett and punched him in the arm.

"Seriously, you guys were great, you really freaked her out," Alice said, and everyone applauded us.

Tonight, we'll have to come up with something else big, and I'm going to try and see what she has planned for next week so we can look for loopholes and plan to do stuff around her stupid rules," Alice said.

"Until, we come up with something else big, our arguing and the boys fighting and breaking stuff really seems to get on her nerves, so just do what ever feels natural," Bella suggested.

"Alright, let's get started," I agreed.

Lulu POV

Every day was getting progressively worse. I swear these kids were out to get me, torture me to death. I was officially in hell and I hated it. I desperately wanted to get back to my sane family, where the children knew there place and did what they were told and never argued or broke things.

A few hours ago, I had just seen something that should never be witnessed by another human being. I swear, it was like these children had no inhibitions or self respect and were willing to do anything. I suppose I was glad I walked in on Emmett and Rosalie when I did because if I walked in any later, I would have surely seen something much worse. After I was able to function again I had called Carlisle and told him that I needed to speak to him when he got home. For now, I should be grateful, the children weer quiet and I needed to revel in this moment as long as it lasted. No sooner did I think this that the noise started again. From what I could hear, there was more than one argument and I decided to diffuse the boys argument first before it escalated and someone, or something, got broken.

"Jasper, we are not watching that, we've seen that movie 300 times," Emmett complained. "I want to watch the football."

"Emmett, I am sick of football, I want to watch something else," Edward said.

"Let's watch the discovery channel," Jacob suggested.

And here I was thinking that none of these kids would ever do something even remotely educational.

"Seriously, the last time I watched it, it was on whales and you saw them have sex," Jacob defended himself when he saw the glares of the others.

Yep that's more like it, I thought.

"Alright, we'll check, but if it's something like a butterfly, we're watching the football," Emmett said.

"No, I am not agreeing to that, I hat football Emmett, I want to watch the basketball," Edward said.

"Leave it up to you to choose a girly sport to watch Eddie boy," Jasper snorted. Before I knew it Edward had flung himself at Jasper and they were currently wrestling on the ground.

"How many time to I have to say don't. Call. Me. EDDIE!" Edward screamed as he attempted to punch is brother.

"Edward stop it right now," I said.

Of course, my words had no effect whatsoever so I think it was pure luck that Carlisle walked in when he did. I didn't here him come in over the sound of the girls high pitched screams from the next rooms and the boys yelling in here.

"Carlisle, can you do something before one of them kills the other?" I asked exasperated.

Carlisle pursed his lips and emitted a shrill whistle. The boys immediately stopped fighting and Emmett and Jacob ceased there chanting of;

"Fight, fight, fight, fight."  
The girls on the other hand were still arguing in the next room. It seemed as though Carlisle had a handle on things in here so I began to make my way to the next room to end the girls' fight.

"Lulu wait," Carlisle said. "Its pointless going in there." He said. I looked at him quizzically. "Judging by the pitch of Alice's voice, their argument will be over in a few minutes, you'll just rile them up if you walk in now," Carlisle said. Sure enough, ten minutes later, the girls walked into the room, all laughing as if nothing had happened.

"Everyone, sit down please," Carlisle said. They all start calling where they wanted to sit and once again, I got left standing. "Boys, I'll start with you. Edward, why were you and Jasper wrestling in the living room when I came home?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"Because he called me Eddie," Edward said shooting venomous glares at Jasper.

"Jasper, why did you call your brother Eddie when you know he hates it?"

"Because he wanted to watch girly basketball," Jasper said.

"Because he wanted to watch basketball? Jasper, is that really a good reason to call you r brother Eddie?" Carlisle asked.

"No Carlisle," Jasper said.

"And Edward, was Jasper calling you Eddie a good reason to tackle him?" Carlisle asked.

Edward opened his mouth but before he could answer Carlisle said,

"Think about your answer carefully Edward," he warned.

"No," Edward said.

"I want you to apologise and as your punishment, you will both stay within three metres of each other, no arguing, no name calling, nothing but respect and politeness," Carlisle told them. They immediately started whining but did as they were told and sat together.

I couldn't believe Carlisle was so calm when the children were arguing and being so disrespectful and rude. Although I had to admit that they seemed to respect their father and did what he told them to.

Esme POV

I was having, quite literally the worst week I had ever experienced in my prolonged life. The monotony of the life that these poor children have to endure has the power to send a vampire crazy. I knew that there was something bothering Gerald, I knew there was something he wanted to tell me because I would catch him opening his mouth and then closing it again when i looked at him. It seemed he was trying to work up the courage to tell me whatever it was that he wanted to say, so I figured I would save him the trouble and ask him myself. The children were currently doing their chores and Gerald was in his office. I knocked softly on the door and I heard him mumble a "come in."

"Gerald, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something." I asked him.

"Sure," he grunted without looking up.

"Gerald I was just wondering what was bothering you, I know you've wanted to tell me something since I first arrived," I said.

Gerald looked startled and looked up from his work.

"Um, well, Esme I don't know where to start," Gerald said uncomfortably. The psychology degrees Jasper had really helped me now. I gathered from his discomfort, that this was a particularly difficult subject for him to talk about so I knew I had to be careful with how I said things.

"Starting at the beginning is always a good place," I said smiling. I usually said this to Emmett when he was explaining to me how something got broken.

"Esme, when I say what I will, I don't want to sound ungrateful or rude," Gerald clarified. I nodded slowly; I was trying to think back to what I could have done to elicit this sort of reaction.

"You see, when I convinced Lulu to go on this show, my ultimate goal was so the children could see that how their mother acts is so different to how other families behave. I went on this show so I could get the courage to tell Lulu that how she treats our children the way she does is not right. I wanted another mother to come and show the kids a good time. The reason I make the kids do what they usually would this week, is so that you would see just how horribly Lulu treats them, I can tell that you disagree with the way things run around here, and I'm trying to get the courage to stand up to Lulu, hopefully this show will help," Gerald explained this to me in one go.

I was shocked, the few days I had been here, I had pinned Gerald's coldness down to disliking me or not wanting to be the show. I had gathered that Lulu wanted to do the show.

"Well, Gerald, that really wasn't what I was expecting. I can assure that next week, I will show the kids a good time and give them the opportunity to live a little more like other children their age," I said.

"Really? All I want is for the children to have a better life, have some fun for once," Gerald said, relief evident in his features.

"I'll do my best," I said as I made my way out of the study and up to my room.

I suppose that Alice and Emmett signing me up for this show wasn't all bad, though I would never admit it to either of them, they both had big enough egos as it was.

**Quick question... in the next chapter, should I introduce Jacob as a werewolf to Lulu (obviously she doesn't know its Jake, but she'll freak out when she see's a huge dog thing?**

**Thanks for reading... I hope you all enjoyed it.**

**Please let me know if I'm, any good at comedy, I know that Esme's part isn't funny, but that's the point, the McClain family is supposed to be extremely boring.**

**The Cullen's though, are they funny,**

**I am open to any ideas and suggestions regard things that can happen during Lulu's time at the Cullen's and Esme's at the McClain's:)**

**I really would appreciate some feedback,**

**AussieGal20**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone, sorry for the long wait.**

**I just wanted to say before I started, that I now have a website for my work on fan fiction, it's kind of boring but I was procrastinating with my school work when I made it, so go check it out and leave a comment or send me an email or something:)**

**Now, on to the story!**

**Chapter 8**

_Thursday_

Lulu POV

This morning it wasn't the fact that they woke up too early, or that the slept in and refused to get out of bed. This morning, they were out of bed at a reasonable hour. The arguing was what made this morning hell. For the first time this week I wasn't woken up by one of the children. I walked into the kitchen and it was quiet, too quiet for my liking. Before I knew it, there was a piercing scream of one of the girls. _Here we go_, I thought. Of course, there was no sign of Carlisle, he was lucky enough to be at work and miss the majority of his children's antics. I walked slowly upstairs and walked into Bella's room where she was arguing with Alice.  
"Alice, there is no way in hell that I am wearing that to school," Bella said.

"Why not?" Alice asked.

"Because Alice, it is so not appropriate, not to mention, it's the middle of winter I'll flipping freeze," Bella yelled angrily.

"Language Bella," I said.

"Shut up," she said to me. I rolled my eyes; there was no way I would ever get an apology out of her so I let it go. I looked at the outfit Alice was holding and I had to agree with Bella, it was the epitome of inappropriate for school and Bella would most likely come home with hypothermia.

"Alice, Bella is not wearing that, besides, why can't she choose her own clothes?" I asked.

"What a dumb question," Alice said. "If I let Bella choose what she would wear, she'll probably end up going to school is sweats and a hoodie," Alice said.

"So?" I asked. I failed to see what Alice was getting so worked up about, these kids could wear a potato sack and make it look a million dollars.

"So? So I am not going to be seen socialising with someone wearing sweats," she said. "You should be lucky I'm talking to _you_ right now," she said looking me up and down.

"Fine, Alice, can you please choose something else for Bella, I'm sure she has something else in that huge closet of hers that you approve of," I said.

"Fine," Alice grumbled and threw the clothes she was holding down.

I walked out of Bella's room and was almost bowled over by Emmett who was running along the hallway. Not two seconds later, he was followed by Edward. Emmett, I noticed, was wearing only shorts and socks while Edward was sporting shorts and an unbuttoned shirt.

"Emmett!" Edward bellowed as he ran after Emmett down the stairs. "Give me my pants back!"

"Only if you catch me," Emmett taunted from behind the couch downstairs. I watched from over the balcony as Edward launched himself at his brother and in the process, knocking the couch backwards. Emmett somehow got away and bolted up the stairs again.

"Boys, stop it now, Emmett, give your brother his pants back," I ordered.

"No," Emmett said defiantly.

"Emmett, do as you're told," I said firmly.

"Why should I? Edward stole my shirt," Emmett said.

"Because you decided to run into my room this morning and rip the sheets of our bed, do you realise just how lucky you are that we were actually wearing something?" Edward asked angrily.

"Bro, I've seen much worse than you and Bellsy naked," Emmett said simply.

"Eww Emmett," Edward screamed at him.

"Edward, give your brother his shirt and Emmett, give Edward his pants," I said as I made my way back down the stairs.

I was half way down when there was the loudest scream of rage from the third level.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" I heard Jacob scream.

"Its time to wake up," I heard Jasper say.

"So you felt the need to dump a bucket of freezing cold water on me?" I heard Jacob ask furiously.

"Well, the water was more for the stink; I can smell you from the garage" Jasper said.

I thought that was fair, Jacobs room was disgusting and didn't look like it had been cleaned in months, but the comment about being able to smell him from the garage was an exaggeration.

I heard a loud bang from above me.

"Jasper and Jacob, cut it out now," I yelled from where I was. There was no way I was going to waste my energy to walk upstairs when I knew they would listen to me anyway. I saw Renesmee walk down the stairs from upstairs where the boys were making noise.

She walked past me and sat on Bella's lap who was on the couch next to Alice. Funny, I hadn't seen them walk past me on the stairs. I shook it off, and just told myself I should be grateful that they weren't still arguing over clothes. I did see that Bella was in slightly more appropriate clothing now, slim jeans and a long sleeved chemise. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal before taking it back out to the living where I could keep an eye on the demonic children. They sure need constant supervision, I thought to myself. Bella was absentmindedly running her fingers through Renesmee's hair while Alice was talking about something fashion related I'm sure. Rosalie walked down the stairs then in a shirt that barely contained her chest and a skirt that was so short it couldn't be classified as an article of clothes.

"Guys, is this outfit too slutty?" she asked as she walked down the stairs.

"For a stripper no, but for school yes," Bella said. Rosalie laughed at her comment and continued walking down the stairs. If I had said that she would have ripped my head off but Bella was right, I refuse to let that girl walk out the door dressed like a hooker.

"Rosalie, go and change your clothes now, I refuse to let you out of this house dressed like that," I said.

"Well good, I'll just stay at home, I don't even _want_ to go to school," She sneered at me.

"Rosalie, if you don't get changed right now, I'll call your father," I had learnt over the week that this was the only thing that would work, I didn't know why; they still mucked up when he was here.

"Come on Rose, just go change, you don't want to be stuck with _her_ all day anyway," Alice said. Rose huffed and stormed upstairs.

"I'll come and help you choose something in a sec," Alice called out loudly and she stood up from the couch and flitted towards the stairs. She suddenly stopped at the bottom and her body became rigid.

"Don't you dare Emmett!" she screamed suddenly.

"Try and stop me," Emmett's voice floated from upstairs.

I had no idea what they were talking about. Emmett suddenly appeared at the banister and he was holding a water balloon. I was about to warn him not to drop it but Alice beat me to the punch.

"Emmett, I swear if you do it..." Alice trailed off as a water bomb hit her head, soaking her from head to toe. She let out an ear piercing scream that hurt my ear drums. The next second she was upstairs and was perched on Emmett's back aiming punches at him.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, I warned you not to drop that water bomb," Alice screamed at him.

"Ow! Get off," Emmett complained. For someone so small, Alice was quiet strong and could give a fair punch I had learned when she punch Jacob the day before.

"Alright that's enough," I said loudly. Edward appeared at the banister, he too was soaked, as was Jacob and Jasper standing beside him.

"Everyone who is wet, go and change your clothes, everyone else, get your bags packed, you have to leave in 10 minutes," I said. There was a flurry of activity.

"Alice, what should I wear?"

"Has anyone seen my Ralph Lauren jeans?"

"Where are my shoes?"

"Where's my psychology textbook?"

"I dunno, where my calculus book?"

Miraculously, in 10 minutes, they had everything they needed and were fully dressed, walking out the door.

I watched as they drove off in two cars and sighed in relief.

"Finally, they're gone," I said and sunk onto the couch.

"Hey, they are my sisters and brothers," Renesmee said from the top of the stairs. "I hate you!" she screamed and stormed up the last flight of stairs to her bedroom. I heard the door slam and finally it was silent. I stood up and noticed the big mess that was a result of this morning.

"Great," I groaned. Of course I got stuck cleaning the mess they made.

I started cleaning and at about 11:00 after I had finished the house, I realised I now had to have an argument with Renesmee and convince her to do school work. I couldn't hear any noise from upstairs, so I figured that she was in the garage with Jacob. My guess was right and I was slightly disappointed that she wasn't in her room by herself; I found it so much easier to argue with just her, without the added pressure of arguing with Jacob.

"Renesmee, it's time for school work," I said.

"Alright," she agreed and hoped down off the bonnet of the car next to the one Jacob was currently underneath fixing. I had not expected her reaction, I was mentally preparing myself for a full on argument and temper tantrum like every other day this week.

Of course, my hope proved to be short lived as I saw Renesmee head straight to the formal living room instead of family study where she would usually do her work.

"Renesmee, I told you it was time for school," I said as I followed her into the room.

"I am, on Thursday's I start with piano, daddy say's music is very important," she said as she sat on the piano school. I found this odd, because I had only ever seen Edward take any sort of interest in music, but then again, I rarely ever saw Carlisle.

"Fine, you have half an hour," I said.

"Mum lets me play until whenever I feel like it, Thursday is the day I get to choose what I learn, and I want to do the piano," Renesmee said with so much attitude that I swore she could have been a twin of Rosalie.

"Fine, But I want you to do more than piano today," I said.

Of course, I didn't get what I wanted. After a solid two and a half hours on the piano, Renesmee claimed that she wanted to do her metal works class lesson with Jacob. I agreed, only because I was exhausted.

When I went out to the garage to give them some afternoon tea, I wasn't at all surprised to see Renesmee lounging on the couch; yes they had a couch in the garage, while Jacob worked on a car. The music was turned up so loud that they didn't even hear me enter the room. I walked straight to the player and pulled the plug out.

"Dude, what the hell, that's my favourite song," Jacob whined from under the jeep.

"I don't care," I said curtly. I was beyond caring when it came to these kids.

"That's really not how you should speak to us. Don't you believe in that crap about treat others the way you want to be treated?" Renesmee asked.

"Yes well, I'm only treating you how you treat me," I said.

"That's really not a very mature thing to do," Jacob said from under the car. I refrained myself from rolling my eyes.

"Afternoon tea is ready," I said.

"Well why didn't you say so?" Jake asked. Within five seconds, he was out from under the car and was already walking into the kitchen with Renesmee over his shoulder.

I followed them inside, waiting for him to finish before I could clean up yet another one of their never ending messes.

By the time the other Cullens got home I had a huge headache that was refusing to go away. I suppose it would have helped if the Cullens had any paracetamol in the house.

"I'm going to my room for a while," I addressed the room at large. None of the kids even looked up to acknowledge me, so I took that for an, "I don't care," and walked to my room. I fell onto the bed and attempted to sleep away the headache.

What seemed like five minutes later I was woken up by the loud sounds of Rock band. I groaned and rolled over and walked down the hall.

"Do you children find it impossible to be quiet for more than five minutes at a time?" I asked impatiently.

"Dude, it's been like two hours, we were quiet for ages," Emmett shouted over the TV noise. I looked at the clock and saw that it had indeed been two hours and they were telling the truth.

"Well, can you lower the noise a little?" I asked.

"No," Bella said simply.

"Please, I have a headache," I said.

"God, you sound like a whiny five year-old," Alice said.

I ignored them and went back to my room.

I had no idea how I would get to sleep, but, miraculously, it happened, because before I knew it, my alarm was going off to get out of bed the next morning.

Esme POV

Gerald was so much more relaxed now that he had opened up to me about his feelings for his wife and how she treated the rest of the family. Gerald was now less harsh on the children and they seemed to be more relaxed now that their father was in a better mood. Although I still couldn't do too much around the house, because it was still their rules, everyone seemed so much happier and they still didn't know how their rules were going to change.

My life was still as boring as ever, but the children seemed happier, so I didn't mind at all. The only thing I was counting down to, was seeing Carlisle and my children again, being away really did make me appreciate them so much more. I was almost craving for the boys and their fights, just so I would have the chance to do something productive with my time.

Tonight, I was going to call Carlisle, I didn't care about the rules of the show, I missed my husband too much and I needed to hear his voice, even if t was only a few seconds. I also needed to check up on the children and make sure they were behaving, although, I didn't really think that was the case.

At 2:30 in the morning, I called Carlisle and he answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Carlisle," I said, letting out a breath I had unknowingly been holding.

"Esme?" he said.

"Yes, I've missed you so much," I told him.

"I've missed you too," he said.

"How is it living with a human family? Is it hard?" Carlisle asked.

"No, it's not hard at all. And as for the life here, this woman is horrible; her own husband can't stand her!" I said outraged.

"Yes, that's the same reaction the children have had to her," Carlisle chuckled.

"Oh no, what have they done?" I asked, momentarily worried, before remembering that my husband would never let any harm come to anyone.

"Oh, they've just been themselves," he said calmly. My eyes narrowed.

"Carlisle," I said in a warning tone.

"Really, Esme, they've actually been alright. No one has been hurt, and the jokes they've pulled are the usual things we'd expect. Although, Lulu walked in on Emmett and Rose," he said.

"She walked into their room without knocking?" I asked. Did this woman know nothing of privacy?

"No, they were in the living room."  
"Oh, so they did it on purpose then?" I asked.

"Yes, I'd say so, they knew Renesmee was home. I'm about to go and warn them that there is to be no more sexual activity, unless they are far away from the house," Carlisle informed me.

"That's probably a good idea. I don't want them naked on TV," I said. I knew that Emmett and Rosalie didn't care about getting caught, but I didn't want the whole of America to see my vampire children naked.

"Listen, I can hear someone stirring, I better go," I said, regretfully.

"Yes, I love you, I can't wait until you're home, as much as I try to find the good in everyone, I'm finding it difficult with this woman," Carlisle said.

"I love you too," I whispered.

I sat back down on the bed and picked up the magazine that I had bought this morning, ready for a long night tonight.

After hearing Carlisle's voice, I really couldn't wait to go home.

**What did you think?**

**Please, I am open to any suggestions regarding what will happen next week, I have already written the rule change chapter, but any funny little tidbits you can think of, please let me know, and I'll see what I can do with them... you'll get a chapter dedicated to you if you give me ideas and I use them (which I most likely will).**

**Please Review.**

**Love,**

**AussieGal20.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Why hello all my faithful readers!**

**Here is the next chapter of the story that you love to read and I love to write!**

**I am so sorry I have not updated in a while, I have a completely viable excuse:**

**I fell in love with StarKid! **

**For those who don't know StarKid is a theatre company created in Ann Arbor Michigan and they created the musicals**

**A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, Starship, and another musical titled something not PG rated **

**If you are fellow Harry Potter fans (Yes, I like both series), and have not yet seen the musicals, I highly recommend them. Even if you aren't a Harry fan, try it out.**

**(I don't know if this will work, but I added a hyperlink).**

**Here**** is the link to their YouTube page :)**

**On with the story!**

**Chapter 9**

_Friday_

Lulu POV

It was two days until I could change the rules and hopefully straighten these kids out and teach them some manners. This morning was especially difficult to get them out of bed. They all decided to suffer from fridayitis as Renesmee informed me.

By the time I _did_ manage to get the children out of bed and ready for school, they were late and I was already frustrated.

Now I had to convince Renesmee to do school work and my job was done. Easy as cinch, I thought to myself sarcastically. That child may look innocent, but she was just as bad as her older siblings. She had as much rage as Edward when he was angry, as much attitude as Rosalie and as much impatience as Alice. She was as loud as Emmett at times and could be as quiet as Jasper, if he wanted to be, and she had the same air of calmness around her as Bella did. I suppose, she was at a young age and easily influenced by those around her.

"Renesmee, time for school work," I called loudly. Of course, like I was expecting, there was no reply. I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water before I made my way upstairs to find her.

I was walking out of the kitchen when a sudden movement caught my attention outside.

I saw Renesmee and she was standing at the edge of the forest waving her arms around, twirling around and she threw her head back laughing. Then, out of nowhere, a huge dark creature jumped out of the trees.

"RENESMEE!" I screamed as I ran out of the kitchen and into the backyard. "RENESMEE!" I screamed again as I was running. Renesmee ignored me completely and walked towards the creature. She lifted her hand up and patted it on its head.

"Renesmee, what do you think you're doing?" I asked her angrily.

"Playing with cuddles," she said simply.

"Cuddles?" I asked, perplexed.

"Yeah, this is Cuddles," she said laughing as the creature licked her cheek.

"This, monster thing has a name?" I asked.

"Cuddles isn't a thing!" Renesmee said in a hurt tone. "Cuddles is a stray and we feed him and play with him," Renesmee said as she softly petted the animal.

"Renesmee, get inside now, it's time for school," I said angrily. I was still recovering from the horror of think Renesmee was going to be mauled.

"No, I want to play outside with cuddles," she said defiantly.

"Renesmee, that thing is a stray, it could hurt you at any moment," I said.

"Cuddles, won't hurt me, I play with him all the time and he has never hurt me," Renesmee said.

"I don't care, Renesmee get inside now and start your school work or I will call your father," I threatened. This threat had worked with the children all week, but Renesmee shocked me once again.

"I don't care, I'm staying outside with Cuddles," Renesmee said defiantly.

It was as if the animal was taunting me because the noise it was now making sounded like a mocking laugh.

"Come on Cuddles, let's go play," Renesmee said. As if the animal could understand Renesmee, it dropped down onto the ground and allowed Renesmee to clamber onto its back, before standing back up and sauntering off around the side of the house. I stormed back into the house and planned to call Carlisle and yell at him about how disrespectful and disobedient his children were.

I called the hospital, ready for the chance to vent my anger, but that chance never came.

"Hello, this is Barbara at the local hospital, how can I help you?" I heard a female voice answer the phone.

"Hello, I was wondering if I could speak to Dr. Cullen please." I asked politely.

"I am so sorry, but Dr. Cullen is in surgery right now," Barbara on the other line said.

"Do you know when he'll be available?" I asked.

"Dr. Cullen will not be out of surgery until at least six o'clock this evening ma'am." I groaned.

"Thanks anyway," I said and hung up. I suppose that Renesmee would win this time, I was too tired to go and find her.

Two days, I reminded myself, two days until I can restore some structure to this dysfunctional family.

Alice POV

We had some EPIC ideas planned for this afternoon, none of which were too bad, but we knew that Lulu would be annoyed and frustrate the hell out of her. Last night, we had decided it was time for Lulu to meet Jacob as a werewolf. Nessie had whole heartedly agreed, she missed riding around on his back when he was in his wolf form. Edward was a little hesitant though; he was worried about something going wrong and Lulu figuring out the truth.

"Come on Edward, the woman's an idiot. She's been living with vampires for the last five days and she hasn't noticed anything," Rosalie had said.

"I suppose," he had grumbled.

"Besides Edward, can't you hear her thoughts; she hasn't been the tiniest bit suspicious about anything yet has she?" Bella asked. It was nice to see that Bella finally had the courage to stand up to Edward.

"Fine," Edward had conceded.

After we had planned what Nessie would do, Carlisle had gathered us and told us no more sex in the house. If we really wanted it, we had to go somewhere else, the separate house that we had bought when a couple wanted some alone time, not too far away from the rest of us though.

Carlisle's rules had really given us some more ways to piss off Lulu. We had told Jake our plan, and he passed it onto Nessie, so she knew not to worry.

It was currently 6:00 in the evening and the six of us were in the cottage, sitting on the floor playing a giant version of monopoly containing four boards 16 pieces, three decks of chance and community chest cards and our own created $1,000, $5,000, $10,000, $50,000 notes as well as the four sets of the original money. We all lost track of time and before we knew it, it was 8:00 when my mobile finally rang.

"Hi Lulu," I said cheerfully.

"Alice, where are you?" Lulu said.

"Oh, I'm with Jasper," I answered. I pulled the phone away and giggled loudly. "Jasper, stop it."

"Alice, come home right now," Lulu said.

"I can't I'm kind of busy at the moment, Jasper!" I said, before snapping the phone shut.

This happened again twice more first with Rosalie and then with Edward and we all did the same thing.

By 8:30, I saw that if we left now, we would beat Carlisle home by three minutes.

We piled into the two cars and were home within two minutes.

"Nessie!" I squealed. "I haven't seen you all day," I said and ran over to my niece and gave her a hug.

"Where were you guys?" Nessie asked a puzzled look on her face. That kid could grow up and be an actress, she was so good.

"We were busy," I said and made a show of winking, right as Lulu walked in the door.

"Where on earth have you all been? I called you half an hour ago," Lulu said angrily as she stormed into the room, where the boys were already settled on the couch watching a football game.

"Lulu, we were all kind of busy," I said. "We told you that all ready," I said, this woman _was_ kind of stupid.

Carlisle walked in then.

Of course, we all ignored Lulu completely and ran over to Carlisle. Carlisle was greeted with a chorus of,

"Hey Dad"

"Sup old Man" and,

"Did ya save any lives today dad?"

Of course, Lulu had to go and open her mouth and rat us out, like we knew she would.

"Are you going to tell your father what happened today?" she asked.

Carlisle immediately sighed.

"What happened this time?" he asked.

"Your children didn't get home until about five minutes ago is what happened this time," Lulu said and boy was she furious.

"Where were you all?" Carlisle asked.

"Well" I said slowly. "Do you remember how on Wednesday night, Lulu saw Rose and Emmett?" I asked.

"Yes."

"well, you said that if we wanted to have sex–"

"You told us to do it dad!" Emmett butted in.

"Emmett, I don't ever remember telling you to stay out until after 8:00" Carlisle said.

"Emmett shut up," I said. "You said that we couldn't have sex here, and that we had to go somewhere else, so that's where we were. Away. From here," I said.

"Alice, when I told you that, I did not mean, stay out until after 8:00, without calling anyone and telling them where you were," Carlisle said firmly. I hung my head, pouted and looked extremely dejected and hurt by Carlisle's 'harsh' words. This was Jasper's signal. And cue the feelings of guilt and remorse

"Oh Carlisle, I'm sure they won't let it happen again," Lulu said sympathetically. I looked up and smirked at Edward, who in turn looked at Bella, who started giggling.

"Jasper, stop it this instant," Carlisle demanded, in his usual authoritive yet calm voice. Jasper stopped immediately and Lulu's expression turned to one of sympathy to extreme confusion. "I want all of you to apologise to Lulu, she must have been really worried about you and no parent likes going through that," Carlisle said. I was positive that Lulu didn't feel at all worried about our wellbeing but to humour Carlisle we all said sorry and turned our attention to something else.

"Family movie and games night!" Emmett yelled suddenly.

"Yay," Nessie squealed from the kitchen. She came running in, Jake behind her and they were followed by Bella and Edward.

"I wanna play strip poker!" Emmett screamed.

"Emmett McCarty, do you remember what happened the last time we played?" Rose asked sternly.

Emmett frowned as he recalled. "I don't want to play anymore," he said.

"But Emmett, its gambling," Jasper countered.

"Jasper, I love you, but if you encourage him..." I trailed off and narrowed my eyes.

"What's going on?" Lulu asked tiredly.

"Friday night is family movie and games night," Carlisle explained. "Every Friday evening, as a family, we play games and watch a movie."

"Apparently you're part of the family, so you _have_ to join in," Rosalie said with as much contempt in her tone as possible.

The arguing started up again as we tried to decide what we were going to play.

"Carlisle, aren't you going to stop this arguing?" Lulu asked at one point.

"No, I see their arguing as a way to work together, they'll eventually come to an agreement by themselves without me stepping in," Carlisle explained. Good on ya dad, I thought.

We did eventually settle on a game we all wanted to play. Charades. It was amusing to see Emmett attempt to act out the children's film _Thumbelina_.

After a long and entertaining game of Charades, we put on a movie, Sex and the City. Lulu's look of disbelief and dislike was evident; we all knew she would hate it, so that was why we chose it. And as for Renesmee, she was smarter and more mature than most humans, so there was no real problem there. Bella and Edward weren't happy with her watching this film, but Renesmee begged, and eventually, their dislike for Lulu won over.

Over all, this weeks family games and movie night was more fun than I expected it to be, annoying Lulu was becoming one of our favourite things to do.

We all couldn't wait for tomorrow though, we had huge things planned for the last day of our rules.

Esme POV

The McClain's household was still as boring as ever, but Now that the children were more comfortable around me, I found myself talking to them, enjoying their company and listening avidly to what they had to say about school, friends, sports and whatever else they wanted to talk about.

Over the course of the week, I realised just how different humans were to us vampires, and while my children did put up a good facade, these human children were experiencing everything for the first time; every day was new for these children, everyday an adventure where they would learn something. This is what my children never got to experience; the exciting rush of growing up, and experiencing new things and even new emotions.

Camilla, Mark and Bert were all children, growing up and experiencing things that my children had been through time and time again.

**I'm s****orry Esme's part is so small, but the McClain house is just so BORING to write about. Nothing happens there; all the action is at the Cullens' household (obviously).**

**Please comment, flame (whatever the hell that is), if you have any ideas, I am all ears, I am honestly open to any suggestions you have,**

**Thanks :)**

**AussieGal20.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello Everyone :)**

**I have decided to update a couple of day early because of the fantastic response to the last chapter.**

**So on with the story!**

**Chapter 10**

_Saturday_

Lulu POV

Finally, I had one day left living like the Cullens before I could change the rules and have them live in a calm and structured environment.

I had no idea what this family did on weekends, surely not schoolwork, I hadn't seen the kids touch their school books once, the whole time I've been here. One thing I was happy about was that Carlisle didn't work on the weekends, which meant he would be here, and when Carlisle was around, the children seemed to behave, not well, but better than they did when I was with them. I had been hoping that this would be a quiet day, where the children would go out with Carlisle somewhere and I would get the day off, but apparently not so.

While the Cullen's have a family games and movie night, they also use Saturday as a family outing day where each week, someone gets to choose where they go. As much as I approved of the idea for them to spend the day as a family, I did not like the idea of giving these frenetic children power over what the family did. I never did this, children needed to learn respect and to obey orders. It was Alice's turn to choose what the family did this week, and after living with her for a week, I had a fair idea as to what we would be doing.

We were all in the living room, waiting for Alice to tell us what we were going to do today.

"Okay, everyone, I've decided that today we're going to go to Seattle and we'll go shopping!" Alice squealed excitedly and clapped her hands. Immediately the arguments began.

"Alice, why do you purposely choose activities that I hate?" Bella asked.

"Bella, its not my fault you hate everything I like, besides, I never do it purposely," Alice said.

"That's o not true, of course you do it on purpose, you love torturing me," Bella whined.

"No, that's not true, I never torture you, just because you have an aversion to shopping and fashion," Alice said. "Besides, you made us go to the _theatre_ last time it was your turn to choose!"

"Yeah, but you had fun, and you said that the comedian was better than you thought it would be," Bella retorted.

"Yes, but at the beginning, I thought it was a stupid idea and you _still_ made us go!"

"But, Alice, my opinion of shopping will _never_ change, you know that," Bella whined.

"I don't care, it's my turn to choose and we're going shopping! Carlisle, tell Bella to stop complaining," Alice turned to her father for support. Bella groaned in frustration.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but Alice is right, it is her turn to choose, so we're going to Seattle, whether you like it or not," Carlisle said.

Bella screamed in frustration and stomped up the stairs to her bedroom and slammed the door shut.  
"I want everyone ready to go in 10 minutes," Carlisle said and immediately everyone scattered, getting last minute things they wanted to take. I noticed Alice walk into Bella and Edwards room and on cue, five seconds later, I heard Bella's scream.

"Alice, I am NOT changing my clothes. Get out of my room!"

"I'm just trying to make you look presentable," Alice said as Bella's door slammed in her face. "Fine, look gross, like Lulu," she muttered. She took three slow steps away before Bella opened her bedroom door again.

"Fine Alice, you can choose a new outfit, but I _have_ to approve it," Bella agreed.

Precisely ten minutes later, Carlisle was splitting the children into travel groups and he put me in a car with Alice, Jasper, Renesmee and Jacob.

"Lucky me," I muttered under my breath.

"Are you excited Lulu? You get to drive with us," Alice said enthusiastically.

I didn't answer, knowing that Alice wouldn't like the answer.

"Let's go," I said instead.

"We're taking Jake's car, only because we can all fit in it," Alice said, scrunching up her nose delicately as if she was disgusted by the idea.

"Alice, stop whining, just because it means that you don't get to drive," Jake said.

"But you drive too slowly," Alice complained.

"SHOTGUN!" Renesmee screamed just then as she ran down the stairs as fast as she could.

"Damnit," Alice said. "I'm on the side," She called out.

"Alice, I don't fit in the middle," Jasper said.

"But Jazz, I don't want to sit next to _that_," she said, looking at me with disgust.

"Alice, you can't catch bad clothes disease," Jasper said, trying to appease her.

"Please Jazz," she pouted, "If you love me, you'll let me sit on the side, please," she begged.

I could see Jasper's resolve crumble in an instant.

"Fine," he grumbled.

"Yay! I love you Jazzy," Alice squealed in delight, and jumped up wrapping her arm and legs around him, kissing him passionately.

We all piled into the car, apparently, I got no say in where I sat.

"Renesmee, I'm in the front seat," I said.

"No fair, I called shotgun," she said pouting.

"I don't care what that is, Get in the backseat now," I said.

"Lulu, Renesmee did call shotgun, it's only fair, and do you really want to start an argument?" Alice asked.

I ended up sitting in the backseat behind Jacob, next to Jasper, who, because he was so tall, took up most of my space, so I was squashed against the door.

We had been driving for half an hour and the whole time it was either Alice singing, or Jasper and Jacob arguing about sports teams.

"Jacob!" I screamed. I noticed how fast he was driving. He was at least 40 m/h over the speed limit. Alice called this slow? I thought to myself in shock.

"What?" he asked.

"Jacob, drive the speed limit or I will call your father," I warned.

"Fine," Jacob grumbled and he slowed down to the speed limit.

"See Alice, _now_ we're going slow," Jacob complained.

"We'll never get to Seattle if we go this slow," Alice whined.

I had to listen to Alice complain for 15 minutes until we had to stop at the service station to refuel and we all got out to stretch.

"I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be back in a minute," I informed them.

"Don't hurry back, we'll be late enough as it is," Alice mumbled under her breath.

I walked into the bathroom, and in an effort not to annoy Alice, to much, I hurried and was out within two minutes. When I walked out, I couldn't see the car or them, so I assumed they had finished and parked around the side in the car park. When I went around the side, I couldn't see them any where. I narrowed my eyes and almost growled in frustration. They had driven off without me.

I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I immediately grabbed my mobile phone and called Carlisle.

"Hello," Carlisle answered almost immediately.

"Carlisle, it's Lulu," I said.

"Oh, Lulu what do you need?" He asked.

"Your children have driven off and left me at a service station," I huffed.

"Lulu, I'll be there soon, which service station are you at?" He asked me.

"It's one on the highway," I said.

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible.

"Thanks," I said and snapped the phone shut.

I went inside, out of the freezing cold and sat on a chair.

Carlisle must have been close, because he arrived in little over 15 minutes.

"Lulu, I am so sorry about this," he apologised profusely, It was difficult work, trying to fit us all in, but eventually, Rosalie sat on Emmett's lap in the front passenger seat While Carlisle drove and I was in the back with Bella and Edward.

By the time we got to Seattle, it was past midday. We found the others at the meeting place we had settled on before we left.

As we approached them; Bella, Edward, Emmett and Rosalie all started laughing and hi-fived the others.

"Good one guys," Emmett said.

"It was wasn't it?" Jacob said.

"Yeah, but then we got stuck with her, you couldn't at least wait until half way, that would have been more fair," Rosalie complained.

"Children, I would like to talk to you before we go any further," Carlisle said in a disappointed tone.

"Daddy we're so sorry, please let us stay! I don't want to miss out on shopping," Alice begged.

"I am very disappointed with you, you should know better than to drive off without Lulu," Carlisle reprimanded them.

"Daddy, she was making Jake drive _so_ slowly, we would never have gotten here if we drove at the speed she wanted us to," Alice whined.

"Alice that is still no excuse to drive away and leave Lulu at the service station. I want you to apologise immediately, all four of you," Carlisle ordered them.

"Sorry Lulu," Jasper, Jacob and Alice apologised.

"Renesmee, you too," Carlisle said in a warning tone.

"But, I didn't do anything," Renesmee groaned.

"Yes, but you could have called me and stopped it from happening," Carlisle said.

"And be called a tattle tale for the rest of my life?" Renesmee asked sceptically.

"Renesmee Carlie, I want you to apologise right now or you'll be going to bed early for two nights," Carlisle threatened her.

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry," she said.

"Now, today, we're leaving at 4:30," Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, I don't see how that is a punishment," I said, I couldn't believe that Carlisle thought, leaving half an hour before the shops, but Alice was not thrilled at all.

"What! Dad, that is so unfair. Why am I the only one being punished?" She screeched.

"Alice, we _all_ get punished, we have to listen to you complain the whole trip home because you missed out on half an hour of shopping," Edward told her. Alice just glared at him and immaturely poked her tongue out.

"It wasn't even my idea," she grumbled under her breath.

"Alice, give it up, I know for a fact that it was all your idea," Carlisle said.

Every single second we were in Seattle, we were being dragged into different stores until Alice's watch said 4:30 exactly.

I could see exactly why Bella hated shopping with Alice. If I thought Alice was excited and hyperactive at home, it was nothing on how she was when we were all shopping. I had no idea how Carlisle managed to afford all the stuff that was bought today alone, and from what I'd seen, Alice went shopping every day, and Esme had to replace the pile of things that were broken when the boys fought.

To avoid any mishaps like this morning, Carlisle and I travelled together, and the kids played a big game of scissors, paper, rock to decide who would travel with 'the old slow people' as Emmett called us.

In the end, Renesmee, Jacob and Edward were driving with us, while the others drove together. I was glad that Alice wasn't in the same car, because I had a feeling she was going to complain about missing out on half an hour, and this made me almost; feel sorry for her siblings travelling with her.

Everyone in this family liked to drive fast apparently, so I was quite surprised to see that Carlisle Renesmee, Jacob, Edward and I were the first home. I had kept an eye on the speedometer the whole time Carlisle was driving. When the other children still weren't home 45 minutes later, both Carlisle and I knew something was up.

"Edward, where are your siblings?" Carlisle asked as if Edward had any clue.

"I honestly don't know Carlisle," he said in a completely genuine voice.

Just then, I heard a car speed up the driveway. They took their time to walk inside and when they did, they were all laughing and mucking around as if nothing unusual had happened.

"Why did you take so long?" I asked immediately.

"We drove the speed limit," Rosalie snapped at me.

"Rosalie Hale, drop the attitude now young lady," Carlisle said sharply. I was thoroughly shocked; I had not heard him speak in that tone or raise his voice with the children the entire time I had been here. "I told you strictly, no more shopping after 4:30," Carlisle said.

Did he think they snuck back to the mall to shop? I thought.

"Dad, we didn't shop," Alice said.

"Alice, does it look like I was born yesterday? I know my own children well enough to know that they found a loophole in my order. What excuses to you have now?" Carlisle said.

"You only said we had to leave at 4:30, there was nothing about no more shopping," Alice said, slightly smug. "So we left Seattle and went to shop in Tacoma."  
"Alice, I have given up trying to reason with you. When I told you we were leaving at 4:30, you knew that I meant no more shopping. Now while I am used to you finding loopholes and doing what you want, it doesn't change the fact that I am very disappointed in you." Carlisle said. I was happy to see that the children looked guilty, including Rosalie. "Now I want all of you upstairs and in bed now, no 'buts' and no arguments. Are we clear on this?" Carlisle said.

"Yes dad," all eight children said.

"Good. Upstairs to bed, all of you, now," Carlisle said.

All of the children did exactly what they were told and I didn't hear another noise from anyone all evening.

Bella POV

We were all huddled in Alice's giant closet, in another 'planning session' as Alcie called them.

"Alice, maybe we pushed it a little when we left her at the station," I said softly.

"Yeah maybe," she admitted.

None of us were in the good mood we expected we would be and to top it off, Jasper said that the smugness was rolling off Lulu was immense. Not to mention we all hated it when Carlisle was disappointed with us. We all knew he wasn't totally happy with what we were doing, but we might have gone too far when we decided last night that Alice, Jasper, Jake and Renesmee would drive off without her. Of course, we knew nothing would happen to her, Alice and the others had parked the car a few miles up the highway, parked the car and ran back to keep an eye on her until Carlisle came and picked her up. We had seen them hiding, not far away, and we knew for a fact Carlisle had seen them watching too, so none of us really got why he was so disappointed. We kept the promise we made about her not getting hurt, but this fact didn't make me feel any less guilty.

"Bella, stop it, you're making my head hurt with all the guilt," Jasper complained.

"Sorry," I said apologetically.

What are we going to do next week?" the ever eager Emmett asked. "You know, once she's made up some dumb rules for us to follow."

Alice told us the rules she had already seen Lulu enforce and we managed to come up with something to counter each one. By the end of our meeting, I was actually eager for the week to come.

Esme POV

Today was the last day I had to be tortured by boredom, and the last day until the McClain's would be able finally have some fun. I already knew exactly what rules I was going to enforce and change but the thing I was most excited about, was the opportunity to actually do something! I had asked Gerald last night if I could have permission to get his house repainted, he had at first declined, saying it was too much on my part, he eventually agreed after some I convinced him that it was what I loved to do.

On Saturday's the McClain's had a family day like we did at home, only their family days were exactly like the rest of their week. Boring. We played a board game and I read out loud to them, and finally, in the evening, they were permitted to watch an hour's worth of television before bed.

When I 'went to bed' that night, I was actually quite excited and eager for the next day, unlike every other night here where I was only looking forward to one thing, Carlisle.

**So what did you all think?**

**Please review and let me know :)**

**If you have any suggestions for the story, please let me know in a review, or if you want to do it privately, PM me or email me to:  
apple(dot)sauce(dot)is(dot)coolhotmail(dot)com**

**I check my email more than once a day so I'll get your feedback faster that way :)**

**Thanks AussieGal20**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, So I am so sorry this is a couple of days late but I have had a busy few days! First I had an orthodontist appointment – Oww! Everytime I go there, I like it a little less.**

**Second, I went to my sisters Wakakiri performance – it was a lot better than I thought it would be.**

**Third, I have been preparing for the biggest day of my school year – St Clares Day! It's my schools patron saints' day and we have this big mass in the morning and then we all dress up[ and there's like a fete and it's really fun:) It's my last one EVER so I have to make it count.**

**Four, in between all this I have had normal school work and I have to study for the AST which are in less than 19 days. Damn!**

**I'm only rambling now because well, this is the pivotal moment in the story, the first half of rule change. Its supposed to be a big moment so I hope I did it okay.**

**ENJOY!**

_Lulu's rule changes_

**Chapter 11**

_Sunday – Rule change day_

Lulu POV

Finally, the day had come. The day where I got to change the rules and restore order to this chaotic household. I watched as eight incredibly forlorn and thoroughly depressed looking children entered the room, followed by Carlisle who looked, well, the best way to put it was wary.

I was too, a little, I knew that the reactions to my rules would not be received well by the children.

"Well, I would first like to thank you for including me in your family and let me see how you work, and as much fun as I had living with your rules, I would really like to try some new ones," I said. I knew I was laying it on thick, but the producers said I had to be polite and enthusiastic about their rules.

"The first thing I would like to enforce is a dress code, because I believe the clothes you girls are too revealing and I don't think walking around the house with no shirt on is very appropriate for you boys either," I said.

'Eww, I am not wearing clothes from the Stone Age," Alice said in disgust.

"I don't expect you to wear clothes from the Stone Age Alice, I just expect you to wear more appropriate clothes," I said. This was only the first rule and I was already earning death glares from all of the children.

"I have also noticed that there is no routine here, so in order to have some structure in this household, we are now attending Church today and Wednesday," I said. This earned groans from the whole room.

"I'm not Catholic," Jacob said.

"Me neither."  
"Or me."  
"I believe in satanic rituals," Emmett said grinning.

"Emmett, that is not something to joke about," I warned him.

"Who said he was joking," Bella quipped.

"Well, children I believe going to Church will help you all, and because it's my rules, that's what we're doing," I said.

There was a collective groan from around the room, but no more comments, so I moved on.

"I have noticed over the course of the past week, that all of you are very materialistic so my next rule comes in two parts. Firstly, no electronics for the rest of the week and that includes the television, you playstation, Xbox, wii, rock band, computer, laptops, DS's, iPods and phones," I said. At this there was a huge uproar.

"No, I'm not giving up all of that for a week!" someone yelled. I looked at Carlisle and he knew immediately what I was pleading for with my eyes.

"Children," he said in his usual calm voice. "This is Lulu's rules and we must follow them. We made her follow our rules, so it's only fair," Carlisle said.

"No it's not dad, we didn't make her do anything she didn't want to do," Jasper said. _Oh really_, I thought to myself.

"The second part to this rule is no more shopping," I said. I had expected another outburst like the previous one a few seconds ago, but all I got was silence. It was like everyone stopped breathing and all the children turned their heads towards Alice. Alice was frozen, in shock I would assume. After what seemed like ten minutes she began to come too again.

"N-no," was all she managed to choke out.

"Alice, baby, are you all right?" Jasper asked her concerned. I rolled my eyes at her overreaction.

It took a total of 20 minutes for the Cullen's to be ready and listening to my next rule. And I thought I was getting death glares before.

"Alright, moving on," I said. "Despite the family games and movie night, and the family outing day, I really don't think that you spend enough time together so we are now going to be sitting at the dining table as a family at dinner time," I said.

"What? No, Dad we don't want to do that," They all started whining immediately.

"Dad, don't make us do it please," Bella begged.

"Children, this is Lulu's rule change, I have no authority over the matter, he said, a slight smile on his face, although, I didn't know why.

"Are you done yet?" Jacob asked me angrily.

"Almost," I replied, not bothering to reprimand him for his tone. I was too happy to let that get me down. I finally got to give these kids a taste of their own medicine. "The next rule change is chores. The chores will be ironing, gardening, cooking, cleaning and laundry. You can decide amongst yourselves who does what, but it's going to get done," I said firmly.

"But we don't know how to do any of that stuff," Renesmee whined.

"Well, this is your chance to learn," I said smiling at her. "I also want to change the sleeping arrangements. I believe that you all have very inappropriate sleeping arrangements so this is how it's going to go. For the rest of the week Edward and Emmett will bunk, Bella and Rosalie, Alice and Renesmee and Jacob and Jasper," I said smugly. While I knew for a fact that they were going to hate this, I was not ready for the explosion that occurred.

Suddenly there was a shrill whistle and they all immediately turned to Carlisle.

"Now that's enough," he said. "Lulu, while I accept and support your rule changes, I do believe that this is not the wisest way to go. If I may, I would like to change the pairings so that the house doesn't end up on fire, or even more chaotic than usual," Carlisle asked me politely.

"Fine," I huffed.

"I believe Bella and Nessie should be roomed together and Alice and Rosalie together. This will avoid the arguments that would have come from Bella and Rosalie's room, while giving Alice someone to talk to about fashion. Now if Emmett and Edward were roomed together, we would find ourselves in a war zone, same with Jasper and Jake. So if I may, Jasper and Emmett should be together, and Edward and Jacob," Carlisle said.

I must admit that his changes were wise. More so than mine had been, I noticed now.

"Can we go now?" Alice whinged.

"No, I only have one change left," I said impatiently. Was it really so hard for these children to be quiet for more than a few seconds at a time?

"Hurry up then," Edward said. Maybe I would if you all quit interrupting, I thought angrily.

"Okay, the last rule change I have come up with is because I have noticed that you all have a lot of energy, and yet none of you play a sport or extra curricular activities. So, girls, you are all going to take up cheerleading and become part of the chess club, and boys you will start football and debating. Jacob, all you do is muck around here all day everyday, so I want you to get a job this week, and Renesmee, you are going to help me in the kitchen," I said.

"I am not joining the chess club, they're all nerds," Alice said.

"I am not cheerleading, those girls are all sluts," Bella said.

"I am not doing football, those guys are such tools, and I will not be known as a tool," Edward complained.

"I am so not debating, those people are all weird," Jasper said. Emmett and Rosalie were in the corner of the room, kissing each other passionately.

"Well children, I really feel that these changes will benefit us," Carlisle said.

"Thankyou Carlisle," I said smiling smugly at the children. They would listen to their father no matter what.

"Are you ready to try something new?" I asked them enthusiastically.

"No, your rules suck," Emmett said immediately.

"I hate your rules," Alice said crossing her arms defiantly.

"You're a mean lady," Renesmee said and pouted.

"I feel sorry for your kids if they have to live through this every day," Rosalie said icily and she turned her body so she was no longer facing me.

"Children, I want you to get all your electronics and credit cards and bring them down here," Carlisle said. "Now."  
They all stood up grumbling but stomped up the stairs and did what they were told.

Half an hour later, every piece of electronic equipment in the house was locked away in Carlisle's study and I was currently holding the basket as the children threw their credit cards in. They each threw in about three cards each and I was about to take it into my room when Carlisle said,

"_All_ of your credit cards." I _had_ thought they had given in too easily.

They all groaned when they realised that they had been caught out and everyone put another handful of credit cards in the basket. I had counted every credit card go in and I was shocked to count a total of 67 credit cards between them. Who needed 67credit cards? I was about to move away again when Carlisle said,

"Alice, I don't want to have to tell you again."

Alice looked at him with the most pained expression, that even I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

"Daddy, please," she said in a heart broken voice.

"Alice, I'm not going to fall for it," Carlisle told her, exasperated. Alice had dropped another handful of cards in the basket and she stepped back into Jaspers arms.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it?" I asked. Wrong thing to say.

Alice looked up at me with menacing eyes.

"Shut up you stupid cow!" She screamed at me and stormed upstairs.

"Well, you get what you deserve," Bella said looking at me. For a second I thought she was talking about Alice and the credit cards, but I immediately realised that she was referring to Alice calling me a stupid cow.

"I'm sorry for Alice's behaviour, I'll give her a few minutes to calm down and then bring her down her to apologise," Carlisle said. I felt a strong wave of sympathy wash over me.

"No, it's alright, I imagine this is hard for Alice," I said.

"Yes, thankyou for being so understanding," Carlisle said. He looked at Jasper, who shrugged and smiled impishly. I shook my head and ignored it.

Ten minutes seemed long enough to Carlisle for Alice to have calmed down so he walked upstairs and remerged five minutes later with a disgruntled Alice at his side.

"Okay, children, now that the electronics and credit cards are settled, its time to switch rooms," Carlisle said. "I'm giving you forty five minutes to switch, and you'll live with what you have moved into your new room for the rest of the week. Go."

Immediately, they all scurried away each calling out what rooms they wanted to sleep in.

"Why did you give them a time limit?" I thought out loud.

"Believe me, it's necessary, if I didn't, they would never switch rooms. I have learnt over the years, that they need a sense of urgency to get anything done," Carlisle said cryptically.

Emmett POV

While I hated Lulu and her stupid rules, I was excited to be able to find loopholes in all of them. We were all excited about that. I had immediately noticed that there was nothing in her rules about no arguing or fights, so, let the games begin.

"Edward, get out of my room!" I yelled at him.

"Emmett, this is my room," he said annoyed.

_Dude play along,_ I thought and remembered my mini epiphany.

"Oh, got it, I'll tell the others," Edward said.

"I'm on it," Alice called. It was times like this that I loved that pixie. _Not_ when she foresaw the results of a bet Jasper and I were going to make and she tells him how to win, so I lose.

"Get out, I'm trying to set up," I said.

"Get OUT!" Edward yelled.

"NO!"

"What is going on here?" Lulu walked into the room.

"Edward won't get out of my new room," I complained.

"Emmett, you are not having my room, Jake and I are, go find a different room," Edward said.

"No, I called this room," I argued.

"No you didn't," Edward said.

"Yes, I did."  
"No you didn't."

"Yes I did, in my head," I grinned triumphantly.

"Emmett, you are not having my room, go away," Edward said angrily.

"Stop ordering me around in my own room," I said indignantly. "Have I _ever_ gone into your room and bossed you around?" I asked him.

"Carlisle!" Edward yelled. I realised that Lulu was still standing there, dumbfounded. Time to up the ante, I thought. Edward slightly moved his head nodding.

"Careful of my music though," he said at vampire speed so Lulu couldn't hear.

_Okay_.

"What a taddle tail," I said.

"I am not a taddle tail," Edward said.

"Yes you are, you just did. Not to mention you're a wuss bag, totally whipped and–"

Edward launched himself at me, not too hard, and we began rolling around on the floor, aiming punches at each other. It took all I had, not to start laughing.

"Boys, stop it," Lulu said. "Stop it, stop it!"

An ear piercing scream came from upstairs.

I chanced a glance at Lulu and could tell she was torn between trying to stop Edward and my fight, or to try and diffuse whatever was going on upstairs. Obviously, the latter won. As soon as she was out of sight, Edward and I stopped hitting each other and got up off the floor.

"Okay, get out of here," Edward said. I rolled my eyes and made my way to mine and Rose's bedroom. I could hear the argument upstairs, between Bella and Alice, and how many clothes Bella was going to have for the week.

After our allotted 45 minutes of room switching, we were all packed and ready to go, Alice and Rosalie had literally moved their entire wardrobe out into the corridor, with clothes racks along the corridor, claiming they couldn't choose outfits because the didn't know what they would feel like wearing during the week. Lulu had sat us down in the second living room and was waiting for us to stop talking.

"Now, I believe that in my rule change earlier, I said that I wanted you to wear some more modest clothing, and Alice, I see now that you have not changed your outfit," Lulu said finally.

"You never told me to change my outfit," Alice said.

"Alice, one of the new rules was to dress modestly, and what you're wearing right now, is not modest at all. I understand that none of you will have any clothes that I deem suitable, but I would still like you to change into something a little more modest," Lulu said.

"But you never specified that I had to change my clothes today," Alice argued.

"Alice, it was one of the rules, so it applies to today as well, can you please go and change," Lulu said.

"No," Alice said simply.

"Carlisle," Lulu said turning to Carlisle for help.

Carlisle just looked at Alice for a few seconds before she collapses under his gaze.

"But dad, I had to give up shopping, aren't I allowed to dress nicely for _one_ more day?" Alice begged. Carlisle looked at her with pity before saying,

"Alice, I'm sorry, but I have no say in the matter, I –"

"So if you have no say in the matter then you can't tell me to get changed," Alice said triumphantly.

"She has a point dad," I said.

"Emmett, stay out of it," Carlisle said warningly.

"Alice," Carlisle says and holds her gaze for no longer than forty seconds before Alice again, gives in.

"Fine," she stands up and begins to walk away. "I hate these dumb rules," she says loudly as she stomps up the stairs. She turns around when she gets to the top.

"Jazz, you wanna come and help me pick something out?" Alice. Jasper wastes no time in running up the stairs. Rose, Bella, Edward, Jake and I roll our eyes, Carlisle sighs and Nessie looks around innocently and Lulu looks disgusted. See, we found another loophole; she had nothing against having sex in her rule changes.

"Well, Renesmee, you'll help me cook dinner tonight, so I want you in the kitchen at six o'clock, alright?" Lulu asks Nessie.

"Fine," Nessie reluctantly agrees.

"Good, you can all go, but I want you all here for dinner," Lulu said.

We all stood up and went upstairs, making our way into Alice' closet, for another secret "operation torture Lulu" meeting.

**Did you guys enjoy it? It was alot of fun to write!**

**The next chapter is Esme's rule changes.**

**Love you all,**

**AussieGal20.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight BUT I do own Milly, Lulu, Mark and Bert's characters :) **

**So I know that this chapter is insanely short, but I promise they'll be getting longer from now on.**

_Esme's rule changes_

**Chapter 12**

_Sunday – Rule change_

Esme POV

Finally. The halfway point. Rule change, the day where this poor, depressed, boring family can have the chance to liven up a little and live by some different rules. I was itching to go home and see my family, but I wanted this family to know what a fun family lives like.

I knew that based on how this family live, my family was in for some huge shocks today, but I also knew my children better that Lulu did, and therefore knew that they could get around any rules she lay down for them.

Gerald was already sitting on the armchair, excited, obviously. I could hear Camilla, Mark and Bert were making their way down the stairs.

When they were all settled I started.

"Okay, over the last week, I have lived by your rules, which are completely different to what I am used to, so while your way of living is very unlike the way I live with my family back home, I didn't dislike it. So, I would like to say thankyou for giving me the opportunity to try something different."

All of the McClain's were raising their eyebrows in scepticism.

"Over the week I have spoken to each of you, trying to get an idea of what you would like changed and what you want to do a bit differently around here," I continued. "Milly. During the week, you told me that you really didn't like chess, netball and tennis, but you did enjoy cheerleading. So for you, I would like you to stop chess, netball and tennis, and its up to you whether you stop cheerleading as well. You also told me that your friend Scarlett does karate and that you wanted to give it a go. I have already called a karate school and you are booked in to have a lesson on Tuesday, and if you really like it, I have you in for Thursday and Saturday as well," I said.

"Oh Esme, thankyou!" Camilla squealed and gave me a hug. I smiled and patted her back gently.

"I'm glad you approve of your new activities," I said smiling at her pure joy and thankfulness.

Mark. I see your expression when I pick drop you off at all your activities, so you can drop them all for the week and I know you want to start football, so I called your school and you can train with them this week," I said.

Mark looked at me, blank faced.

"How did you know I wanted to do football?" he asked me, both surprise and worry in his voice.

"Let's just call it a mother's intuition," I said and winked. Truthfully, I had looked in his school bag and found a few football magazines.

"Thanks Esme, I really appreciate it," he said sincerely.

"Now, Bert, your turn," I said. "I know that you are very talented at maths, and that your mother wants you to use this talent, but come on, who likes to do extra maths, just for the fun of it? I know you hate it so you can drop that and I gather from your scars and multiple bandaids, that you aren't the best at archery, which gives you no reason to enjoy it," I said. He looked at me with so much relief in his face. "I also found the nasty notes from the boys in the team in your school bag, and because I have no rights to barge into your life, I'll let your father deal with those," I said.

"Is this true?" Gerald asked.

Bert nodded his head slowly, looking down.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Gerald asked.

Bert's discomfort was clearly visible all over his face so I decided to intervene,

"Maybe this can be dealt with later, I don't think it's the best topic to be discussed on camera."  
"You're right Esme, I'm sorry Bert, but we'll talk about this later," Gerald said firmly.

"On to the next rule," I said. "This one applies to all three of you," I looked at the children. "I think that you are all old enough to be allowed to watch television by yourselves, I am giving you permission to watch TV in the afternoons and evenings during the week. I do however want to limit the time to two hours because I don't want your marks to suffer," I said. "I also give you permission to use the computer without supervision."

They all widened their eyes and looked at each other grinning.

"I also think that you do too much around the house, so no more chores for the week. I don't want to invade your privacy so the only thing I ask you to do is your own rooms," I said. They all looked so relieved, but I was no where near finished yet.

"Now, eating the same thing every single week is incredibly boring, so I'm going to shake things up a bit. Each of you get to choose the menu for a day and I will do all the cooking. I can't tell you how much I miss it," I told them sincerely. Since we had met Bella and Jake had started living with us, I had found that I had a knack for cooking, and I really enjoyed it. It made me feel almost human again.

"I also get the feeling that you all dislike going to church, so I am cutting it down to once, on Sunday," I said.

"Why do we still have to go on Sunday?" Camilla asked.

Gerald was about to reprimand her, but I stopped him.

"No, it's a perfectly valid question," I assured him. "Milly, I am not taking away your religion altogether, I just want to limit the amount of time you go to church so that you have more free time," I said.

"Oh, cool. Thanks Esme," she said.

"I also think that even though you do have a 'family day', you don't really do anything that interesting, so on Saturday, I give you permission to go somewhere with friends, with a curfew of 10:00 for you boys and 9:00 for Camilla," I said.

"Yes!" They all squealed. They all began talking to each other, planning what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go at the same time.

"Milly tomorrow is Monday, and now that you have no activities on Monday, I will be picking you up early, and we are going to go shopping. The clothes your mother has you wearing look like what my mother wore in her youth," I said. This was a lie, it was what I had worn in _my_ youth, but I didn't want to freak them out.

Camilla squealed again. "Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!"

"You're very welcome Milly," I said.

"Gerald, I saved you for last." I said.

"You have a rule for me?" he asked.

"It's not really a rule," I said.

"Well, what is it then?"

"As told you during the week, I am a designer for a home renovator's magazine, and I specialise in gardening, as well as an interior designer and I also help design exteriors as well," I told him. "I was talking to my boss, the magazine producer, and I had to pull some strings, but they have offered you the choice to allow the magazines team, to come and renovate your gardens and the exterior of the house, just fix it up and such," I said. "The magazine has agreed to pay for all of the workers and half of the supplies," I added

"Esme," Gerald began. "Esme, I have been nagging Lulu to let us get the house fixed up, but she always refused to spend the money on something she deemed so 'materialistic' and 'unnecessary.'" Gerald said.

"So that's a yes then?" I confirmed.

"Yes, thankyou Esme," Gerald said.

"Well, as much as I think that the charity work Lulu does is really great, I will be giving that up, so that I can be here to oversee the renovations on the house," I said.

"That's fine Esme," Gerald said quickly.

"Well, I would like to thankyou all for being so accepting of the new rules I have decided to put in place," I said, even though I new they were all ecstatic about the rules I had changed.

We all dispersed, and I called the magazine, letting them know they had the green light to go ahead tomorrow.

Gerald POV

Esme was wonderful. She was such a kind, thoughtful, good hearted person, and I felt truly honoured to have had the chance to know her. She really had Milly, Mark and Bert's best interests at heart. Three children she had never met before a week ago. And her pulling strings at her work to help us fix our house, I was so grateful. I had no idea how to repay her, but I had a feeling, that anything I tried to give her she would not accept, that just seemed like the person she was. Her husband and children were very lucky to have her, but I bet they already knew that. And they will certainly appreciate it now that they've had to live with Lulu for a week. I almost cringed, thinking of what she was going to make them do this week as her rule change. I had overheard Esme on the phone to her husband the other night, through the walls. She had no idea how thin these walls were. I wasn't going to tell the producers that she had broken the rules though. Not after she had given my children these opportunities, and lived through the rules we lived by, it was clear that she had disliked them, anyone would.

If Esme's children were half as cheeky as what I had gathered from her side of the conversation, Lulu had probably had a shock, and I knew they were going to get a shock from her rules, but they seemed like smart children, and I had faith that they would somehow get around them.

**So there we have it; the second half of the rule change :)**

**Now, from here on in, the chapter's are either going to be longer (I have a lot of mischief planned on the Cullen side of things) or more chapters will be posted of this week than of the first week, or both. I haven't decided yet.**

**If you have any ideas regarding things the Cullen's can do, or things that can happen at the McClain's please PM me or let me know in a review or email me at:**

apple(dot)sauce(dot)is(dot)coolhotmail(dot)com

**Give me a break on the address, I was eleven when I made it.**

**Anyway, I check my**** emails more than once a day, so I'll get your ideas faster that way :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**I am one of the most superstitious people in the world, and I really do think the number 13 is bad luck, so ****I don't want to leave my chapter count at 13, so I am not waiting a month to update the next chapter, you'll be getting it in a week or so. Maybe sooner if I get a load of replies ;D**

_Responsible driving_

**Chapter 13**

_Sunday afternoon – rule change day_

Lulu POV

After the chaos of the swapping rooms, which I sort of wish I had left out of the rule change, but I wasn't going to say anything now, I had to find all the children and Carlisle telling them they had an hour before we left to go the 4:30 mass. I knocked on Carlisle's study door and walked in when he replied.

"Carlisle we have to leave for mass in an hour, can you let the children know?" I asked. Best to let Carlisle do it, they actually listen to him, I thought.

"Sure Lulu," They'll be ready in an hour," he promised me.

I made my way back down to the living room and settled into the couch, waiting for any noise to signal that the children had been informed that we had to go to church.

Five seconds later and the noise began.

"What?" Alice's loud, high pitched voice said.

Before I knew it, Alice was storming down the stair case a furious look on her face. I had no idea she was so opposed to going to mass.

"You give me an HOUR to get ready to go to a social event?" she screamed in my face.

"Alice, please, I am tired of your overreacting," I said. Obviously the wrong thing to say, since I heard an "uh-oh" from someone upstairs.

"I am NOT overreacting. You have given me ONE hour to find outfits appropriate for the weather, event, and length of time we will be gone for, for NINE people," Alice yelled again. "And then I have to organise hair and makeup for the girls. How is that overreacting?" she asked me. I assumed that it was a rhetorical question, so I didn't answer.

"Alice, I don't care for your tone, so I am going to talk to your father and come up with an appropriate punishment," I told her.

"Good luck with that, dad is on _my_ side," Alice said angrily. At least she had quietened down a bit, but an Angry Alice was slightly scarier than a Loud Alice.

"Alice, based on your tone, I'm pretty sure that your father will be with me on this one," I told her. Again, it was evidently the wrong thing to say.

"No he won't be. He hates you. We all do. He's only making us do what you say because he _has_ to. Because of the show," Alice said before storming back up the stairs.

Well, that was slightly worse than what I was expecting. I figured I would give Alice her space before I went to talk to Carlisle so I stayed downstairs until they were all ready to go. The trickled downstairs, one by one, Carlisle, then the boys, then Renesmee and then followed by the girls. Except Alice.

"Eww, I feel like a nun," Rosalie said disgust on her face. I don't know what she was complaining about. She was still wearing make up, I had forgotten to take that away, five inch heels and her skirt was just above the knee. It was the most proper outfit I had seen on any of them. I was pleased to see that Alice had stuck to my rules regarding the clothes, but I had a feeling Carlisle had kept her in toe. Bella was wearing skinny jeans, and a nice deep blue shirt that complimented her skin tone, but her buttons were too low for my liking, as were Rosalie's but I knew that that was an already lost battle so I left it be. The boys and Carlisle were all in nice suits, that complimented each of their body types and skin colours and Renesmee was wearing a gorgeous dress that went to her mid shin. Over all I was pleased.

"Alice, hurry up, we are going to be late," I called.

"Shut up," I heard her voice call from upstairs somewhere.

"Alice, please," Carlisle said.

"No, I got you all ready and now it's my turn," she said.

I looked at Carlisle impatiently and he started to walk upstairs but Emmett stopped him.

"Dad, I've got this one," he said. Carlisle narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Emmett, so help me, if you step one foot into my room, I have my hair straightener and I am not afraid to use it," Alice threatened. The girl either had a sixth sense or really knew her brother.

I glanced at my watch and saw that the mass would start in exactly 15 minutes and I knew we would be late.

I hated to be late for church; in fact, I think it had only happened once, when Milly was a little girl.

Five minutes later, Alice slowly ambled down the stairs, wearing a nice, but low cut shirt and a shorter than I would hope for skirt.

"Thankyou Alice," Carlisle said. What? Why was he saying thankyou.

Seeing the quizzical expression on my face, Edward explained,

"Alice could have done a lot worse," he said simply.

I had no reason to doubt that.

"Okay, Edward, Emmett, Alice and Renesmee are with me. Rose, Bella, Jasper and Jake are with Lulu," Carlisle said. I was positive that Carlisle had split Alice from me on purpose and for that I was thankful. Others were less happy with the arrangements though.

Just as they were about to start arguing Carlisle said,

"No arguing. I am driving my Mercedes, and I am assigning Jasper to be driver. No arguing," Carlisle said again. We split to our assigned car rides and left for church.

Jasper POV

Everything so far was going according to plan. Alice foresaw that she would only be given an hour to get everything ready for church, so she had the outfits picked during the night, all she had to do was act it out and make us late. We also knew that Alice would be in Carlisle car, away from Lulu because of Alice's behaviour, and therefore, Jasper would be with Lulu, and based on how we all get along on car rides, we knew exactly which cars Carlisle would put us in, so we had something to work with, and a plan to make. We knew Carlisle would pick me to drive because he didn't trust Rose or Jake behind the wheel, and because Bella's car was too small to fit five people, one of which who would be Jake. Now I just had to put my part of the plan into action.

Edward's eavesdropping came in useful when she was first telling us that we had to go to church, she had remembered that she had never been late, so we knew that if we were, she would get pissed. My job was to drive really slowly.

When we were all sitting in the car I turned around and said,

"Is everyone buckled in?"

I received four yes' in response.

"So help me Jacob, if you touch anything in the glove box, I will pull over and choke you to death," I said in a cheerful voice.

"Jasper, violence is not the answer to anything," Lulu's annoying whiny voice came from the backseat.

"Maybe in your Catholic world it isn't, but in my car it is," I said.

"Oh man, I have to adjust the side mirrors," I said.

"If this is your car, and you are the only one allowed to drive it, why do you have to adjust the mirrors?" Lulu asked tensely.

"I let Alice drive my car the other week because Rosalie was fixing her Porsche and she needed to go to the shops. Alice is a very different size to me, so of course she had to adjust the mirrors," I said. I played around with the mirrors until I was 'satisfied.' I played around with my chair as well and then settled on a spot.

"Now I have to fix the mirrors again," I said and played around with them a bit. Any of us could drive perfectly well without any of the mirrors, but it was the law, and it was just another way to prolong the trip to church.

Okay, are we ready to go?" I asked, starting the engine.

"We were ready about half an hour ago," Rosalie complained. I grinned at her in the rear view mirror, fast enough the Lulu didn't catch it.

"Well then, off we go," I said.

I drove five miles under the speed limit at all times, braked at least a hundred feet before I had to and waited longer than the law requires at any "give way" signs.

Halfway there, Rose started her complaining.

"Why on earth did Carlisle choose you to drive?" she asked.

"Because dearest sister, I am the best driver out of all of us," I said. "I am a responsible driver, while you are a bad driver," I said.

"Take it back," Rose said.

"No."

"I am not a bad driver. Take it back."

"You are fast and irresponsible, that adds up to bad driver."

"Take it back!" Rose yelled.

"No, I will not take back the truth," I said all the while driving slowly, and staying perfectly in the middle of the road.

Rose punched my arm and I swerved 'accidently' on to the other side of the road. With an oncoming car approaching. Lulu screamed. I pulled back to the right side of the road and continued driving.

"Geez, you almost got us killed," I said.

"Lulu was clutching onto the seat in front of her, Jake's, and her knuckles were white. The fear rolling off her was quite intense. Suddenly, blue and red lights were behind us.

"Great, thanks Rose, I'm getting pulled over," I said.

I pulled over to the side of the road and waited until the police officer was far away enough to the car that it was safe to send him feelings of nausea and close enough that he felt he had 'checked us out' enough and he had done his job.

He threw up into a close bush and waved us on. I smiled at him in the mirror and continued driving.

"Jazz, put the radio on," Bella said.

"No, it distracts me," I said.

"Please, I'm so bored," she said.

"Bella, stop talking to me, I need to concentrate," I said.

"Turn the radio on," she replied.

"No."

"Please?"

"No, that's final."

Jake leaned forward and turned the radio on. "There you go Bella."

"Thanks Jake. See, at least _someone_ listens to me," she said.

"Jacob. Touch my car again and I will choke you, got it?" I said as I turned off the radio.

"No," he replied as he turned on the radio again.

"Fine," I said. I left the radio on and drove the next half a mile to the church, slightly quicker than I had been and I pulled up into the car space next to Carlisle's car.

I stopped the car and got out of the seat and walked around to the car to Jake, grabbed his shirt and pulled him a few feet away. We began swinging punches at each other, not hard enough to do any sort of damage, but hard enough to convince Lulu we were really fighting.

"Boys, stop it," she said.

Carlisle pulled us apart.

"We are about to go into church. A sacred place," he said. "We need to clear this up before we go in," Carlisle said.

Jake and I straightened our jackets and brushed off a bit of dirt before Carlisle started to solve our 'issues.'

It took over ten minutes before Carlisle was satisfied that the fight had been resolved and we moved into the church quietly. Well, as quietly as the Cullen family can manage. There was, of course, a bit of bickering over where people wanted to sit, and who they wanted to sit next to, but didn't that happen in every family?

By the time we were seated, the Priest had already finished his homily and was about to start the communion part of the Mass.

"Emmett, why do you have an iPod with you, I thought I confiscated all electronics?" Lulu whispered furiously. "What you are doing is extremely disrespectful."

"Lulu, shh, it's rude to talk in church," Emmett said and promptly turned to the front and ignored the multiple death glares Lulu sent his way.

The rest of church was quite boring, as were the rides home. We were driving in the same cars, Jake and I promising on our respective others' lives, that we wouldn't argue. It wasn't part of the plan anyway. Of course, I drove as fast as I could so we could get home and away from Lulu's boring monologue about how disrespectful we were through the whole mass. Lady, we weren't even there for half of it, I thought.

Renesmee POV

We all hated this mean lady, I don't know why Auntie Alice and Uncle Em said it would be fun to go on the show, but, I suppose they didn't know we'd get such a horrible person for a replacement mum. She was so condescending and patronising. I was probably 10 times smarter than she was, and she expected me to do times tables for homework. When mum and dad and the others told me I got the chance to be a part of plan to annoy the hell out of Lulu, of course I was game. By the time we _did_ get home from church, we only had half an hour before my part started, so I used my last moments with Alice, her looking into the future so I could prepare, not that I needed to, we were all pretty good actors, we had to be – to play the role of a normal human family – but it passed the time.

Before I knew it, it was time.

"Renesmee, it's time to help me start dinner," Lulu called. I was already in my room. On the third floor, furthest from the kitchen, and therefore, longer for Lulu to have to walk to come and get me.

"Renesmee, come downstairs right now."

"No thankyou, I'm fine here," I shouted back.

"Renesmee, you have to abide by my rules and one of my rules was that you had to help me cook dinner. Now come downstairs," Lulu said.

"Why don't the others have to help?" I yelled.

They will have to, they'll do lots of other jobs."  
"I don't want to."

"Are you going to make me come up there and get you?"

"Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't."

"Renesmee, I will give you twenty seconds to get down here, or there will be a consequence."

"You have no authority to punish me."

"20, 19,"

"I'm not coming."

"18, 17, 16,"

"You can keep counting, I'm not coming."

"15, 14, 13, 12,"

"I'm still staying in my room."

"11, 10, 9,"

I didn't say anything this time.

"8, 7,"

"La, la, la, la, la. I'm not listening."

"6, 5, 4,"

"I don't want to help you cook, it's so boring."

"3, 2,"

I'm staying in my room, there's no way I can make it down there in one second," at least not at human speed, almost at hybrid speed, definitely at vampire speed.

"1. Renesmee, I am going to come up with a suitable punishment for you when your father gets home," Lulu said. Lucky for us, Grampa Carlisle had been called into work. Lulu's voice was getting closer and closer, so I knew she was making her way upstairs. I ignored and continued to pretend to read the magazine as I lay on my bed.

Eventually, she stormed into my room.

"Ever heard of knocking?" I asked angrily.

"Renesmee, I am sick of this attitude you are giving me. Get downstairs now."

"Ask nicely," I said.

"Renesmee, will you please come downstairs and help me with dinner?" she said. I could tell how much she hated doing this, and that made this all the more fun.

I pretended to give it a bit of thought before saying,

"No thanks."

"All right, that's it," Lulu said and walked forward. She grabbed my upper arm and dragged me off my bed.

"Ow," I whined, even though it didn't hurt at all.

Lulu didn't let go, instead she continued to pull me down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Ow, you're hurting me," I whimpered.

"I don't care Renesmee, don't try to pull anything over me, you are helping me cook dinner and that is it," Lulu said. I pulled out the big guns.

"Ow, it hurts," I said again. She turned around to face me and was met with my Bambi eyes that Alice taught me, filled with tears.

"Fine," Lulu said releasing my arm. I rubbed it dramatically. "Get into the kitchen."

I slowly walked in and sat down on one of the bar stools at the table in the middle of the room.

Lulu walked around the kitchen, grabbing random vegetables and chucking them on the table in front of me.

"Peel and chop the vegetables."

"I don't want to help _you_," I said, "You hurt my arm."

"Renesmee, peel and chop those vegetables and stop whining," was Lulu's response. I conceded and started peeling the carrots and potatoes she had chucked in front of me.

"I hate cooking," I said. That was a lie, I loved it, and I did it with mum and nana Esme all the time.

"I don't care what you do and don't like Renesmee."

"Meanie. Mum never makes me help her in the kitchen," I complained.

"Well, maybe that's why she went on the show, so she'd have a break from her ungrateful children," Lulu said.

I looked at her in shock. Instead of saying something back, I looked down and continued to peel and chop in silence. When I finished, I hopped down off the stool, and walked out of the kitchen.

"Renesmee, where are you going? Get back here right now," Lulu said, storming out of the kitchen after me.

"No, I helped you get dinner ready. In your rules, you never specified how long I had to help you for. I've helped, I've done my part, now I'm going back to my room." I walked up the stairs and when I knew that Lulu wasn't watching, I snuck into Auntie Alice's room and into her ensuite.

"You're doing great Ness," Alice said.

"Really?" I asked as she rolled up my sleeve. Alice started applying make up to the part of my arm that Lulu had held. Alice was painting on a fake bruise that Edward would later get really angry over.

"I'm positive. She's calling Carlisle right now, like we knew she would."

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Setting up Rose and Emmett's room," Alice said. I wasn't sure what for, but I knew that I would find out soon.

"Shh, listen to her," I said. Alice leaned over and grabbed the phone that was connected to the phone Lulu was using, and pressed talk. I held it in front of me. I could hear it perfectly where it was, and I didn't want Lulu or Grampa Carlisle to hear my breathing.

"Carlisle, Renesmee is not listening to anything I say to her, and she refuses to help me with dinner," Lulu told Carlisle.

"I'm sorry for my youngest daughter's behaviour. She's quite stubborn, and has a temper, but I'll bet she found a few loopholes in your rules regarding her helping you?" Carlisle said.

"Yes, she did. Can you tell her to help me?" Lulu asked.

"That girl is going to grow up to be a lawyer." Carlisle chuckled. "I can try; can you put her on the phone for me?" Carlisle asked.

"Fine," Lulu said. "Renesmee, your father is on the phone. He wants to talk to you," Lulu called.

"It's okay, I'm done here," Alice said. "Just make sure she doesn't see it till dinner," Alice warned me.

"Sure, thanks Auntie Ali," I said and jumped off the chair and walked downstairs. "You're such a big taddle tail," I said to Lulu and snatched the phone out of her hand.

"Hello daddy," I said in my sweetest voice.

"Renesmee, what are you up to?" Grampa said.

"Nothing, I swear. It's harmless, I found a loophole in her rule and I decided to use it to my advantage," I insistent.

"You only fund one loophole?" Grampa asked.

"No, I found heaps," I said.

"Renesmee, I'm going to be home for dinner in an hour. I don't want any injured humans alright?" Grampa told me.

"Dad, I promise," I said.

"Good girl."

I handed the phone back to Lulu and stalked into the kitchen.

Over the next hour, I reluctantly helped Lulu, making sure to complain and whine at everything she asked me to do, and make comments on the food that she was cooking. At one point, I said,

"You cooking smells like feet, I like mums better."

By the time dinner was actually finished, plated and on the table, Grampa Carlisle was home and walking through the door.

"Carlisle, I tried calling the children down for dinner, but they won't listen," Lulu said.

"No you didn't, we only finished two seconds ago," I said, catching her out in her lie. She whipped around and glared at me furiously.

"It was bound to happen anyway," She said.

"Children, time for dinner. I want everyone at the dining table in three minutes," Grampa called.

Sure enough, everyone filed down at the very last second, albeit, within the time limit. I made sure to lift up my sleeve and sit where dad could see my arm.

"Renesmee, I am very proud of you," Grampa said.

"What. Why?" Lulu said indignantly.

"Because Lulu, you do not know how defiant my daughter is, and from what I gather, from the lack of phone calls after the first, she helped you. That is an amazing achievement," Carlisle said. I think we were all glad Carlisle was playing along with us a little.

"Thankyou daddy," I said angelically, poking my tongue out at Lulu.

"What the hell is this crap?" Emmett said.

"Yeah, what are you trying to feed us? Dog food?" Rose asked in disgust.

Everyone else made similar sort of comments, and Alice looked at me pointedly.

"You guys don't like my cooking?" I said, my lower lip trembling.

"Oh Ness –"

"It's not that –"

"We like _your_ cooking –"

"We just don't –"

"You don't like my cooking!" I wailed and hopped off my chair and into Grampa Carlisle's arms.

Grampa lifted me onto his lap and I clutched my arms around his neck, sobbing.

"Children, I want you to apologise to your younger sister, You've hurt her feelings by saying what you did."

"Sorry, Ness."

"Sorry."

"Sorry Nessie."  
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Sorry sweetie."

"I'm sorry Nessie hunny."

"Soz sis!"  
"Sorry, Ness."

I hopped off Grampa's lap and skipped to my own chair again.

"That's okay," I said brightly. "I don't want to eat this slop either."

"Good job Ness," Uncle Em said, grinning. "You had us all fooled, even dad."

"Renesmee, what happened to your arm?" Dad asked me suddenly.

"What where?" I said looking at my arms theatrically.

"There, the bruise," Mum said pointing to the bruise Alice fabricated from her make up.

"Oh that, Lulu dragged me downstairs from my room and I told her it was hurting but all she said was, and I quote: _I don't care Renesmee, don't try to pull anything over me, you are helping me cook dinner and that is it_" I said sniffling.

"What the hell woman!" Dad yelled furiously. "She said you were hurting her and you ignored it? You know what that is? It's child abuse. So help me, if you touch her for the rest of the week, I will report you to child services and mark my words, I can be so convincing that they'll take your own children away from you and you'll never see them again," Dad threatened Lulu.

"I don't see how that's bad for them though, they'd probably send you a gift basket Edward," Rose said. It took all my effort not to laugh at Lulu's expression.

"Edward, son, calm down," Grampa said.

"Listen to your father Edward," Lulu said.

"Shut up!" Edward yelled at Lulu. She did the smart thing and listened.

"Edward, you need to calm down, there was no reason for you to threaten Lulu," Grampa said.

"Yes there is, she hurt my...sister. She hurt my little sister," dad said angrily.

"What you said was uncalled for, apologise please," Grampa Carlisle said.

Dad sat down and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you and threatening you, but I still don't want you to lay another hand on Renesmee again," Dad apologised to Lulu.

"I think the best thing is to forget this little outburst and eat dinner," Carlisle suggested.

"Good idea dad," Uncle Em said goofily.

"I am not eating this," Auntie Rose said.

"Rosalie, you will do as you are told," Lulu said firmly.

"Actually, in your rule change, you only said that we had to come down here and sit together at _dinnertime_ but there was nothing in there about _actually_ eating dinner together, or at all for that matter," mum said.

"There's no point arguing Lulu," Jasper said. "We are all very experienced in the art of finding loopholes," Jasper backed mum up.

"Its true, at school some kid gave me 80 bucks to help him find a loophole in his essay instructions so he could write about Harry Potter. What a dweeb," Uncle Em said.

"I'm marrying that guy," I said. Everyone stared at me, "What, I love Harry Potter," I defended myself.

"First of all, Renesmee, you are far too young to be talking about who you want to marry," Lulu said. Oh boy, she would flip if she knew how true that statement was. "And second, when I said we were spending dinnertime together, you all knew what I meant, so –"  
"Your argument is invalid; you can't change your rules once you realise that there's a giant loophole. That's your own fault; you should've thought it through better," Uncle Jazz said.

"We all agree with Jasper, so if you don't mind, because the majority of the table wants to leave, we can. House rules," Auntie Rose said.

"What? That is absolutely ridiculous. It's my rules this week, so you will eat your dinner, and you will remain at the table until everyone has eaten, I don't care how long it takes," Lulu said angrily.

"But tomorrows a school day and we need to be well rested to function properly for the week," Auntie Ali said.

"That is ridiculous; you children go to bed at two o'clock in the morning every morning. Carlisle, would you back me up please?" Lulu said.

Everyone's heads swivelled towards Grampa Carlisle and waited for him to decide who he would team up with.

"Normally Lulu, I would wholeheartedly agree with you, and would ask them to remain at the table and eat dinner, but it is a Sunday and Esme prefers for them to be getting ready for bed by about nine o'clock, because then there is a slight chance that they'll be in bed earlier than usual." None of what Grampa Carlisle was saying was actually true, because no one except me and Jake slept, but Granma Esme _and_ mum and dad made me go to bed at nine on Sunday because they think its the start of the new week and I had to 'recharge my batteries.' _I_ thought it was stupid.

"Besides, Lulu, I know my children very well and I see a lost cause when I see one. They have found far too many loopholes in your rules and mark my words; Humans will be on Mars before you convince these kids to eat the food if they don't want to. Believe me, it's far easier to give in and let them go hungry," Grampa said.

"Fine," Lulu grumbled, leaning back into her chair finally admitting to defeat.

"Yay, thanks dad," we all said and hugged him as we all made our way upstairs. When I got to Grampa Carlisle, I whispered,

"Will you really make me go hungry?"

I leaned back and he shook his head slowly, I smiled. "Thanks," I walked upstairs excited to find out what everyone had set up earlier in Auntie Rose and Uncle Em's room.

When I got there, there were sleeping bags everywhere, enough for everyone, and heaps of party food; chips, lollies and two boxes of pizza.

"How is Jake supposed to eat all this?" I asked.

"Oh, I'll manage," Jacob said. I nodded, conceding. It was very possible that Jake could consume all this food. "Don't worry Ness, we didn't forget you."

"Good, I'm hungry," I said. Normally, I preferred blood, like everyone else, but I could eat some human food, mostly meat, but I also liked carrots for some reason.

"We're going to have a slumber party?" I asked excitedly.

"Yep, that was the plan," Alice said. "We found some loopholes in her sleeping arrangements rule. You see, she said we had to sleep with whatever partner we were given, but the point of a slumber party is to not fall asleep right?" Alice said. "Not that we do sleep anyway," she added on as an afterthought. "Anyway, if none of us sleep, the whole rule is a moot point."

"That's ingenious," I said.

"Yep, you and Jake will obviously go to sleep, but Lulu won't know,"

"In that case, lets party!" Uncle Em said and started banging away on the drum set. Jasper played the guitar and the rest of us just danced and sung.

**I understand that this is an incredibly long chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway :)**

**Please give me any suggestions you have and I'll try to incorporate them in.**

**Please review,**

**AussieGal20**


	14. Chapter 14

**I got this chapter out earlier than usual, as promised, because I am very superstitious and hate the number 13.**

**Please enjoy, I'll be posting chapters once a month as usual, until the new year, when I'm off school **

**YAY**

_A new style_

**Chapter 14**

_Monday_

Esme POV

This morning, because I was cooking breakfast the children all had a sleep in and because of this, or because they were just excited for this week, they were all in high spirits. Mark was the eldest, so I let him choose the meals that I would cook today and last night he decided he wanted pancakes and muffins. I cooked them and while I though the smell was hideous; they all seemed to enjoy it, so I was thankful.

"This afternoon, Mark, you have football so I'll pick you up from school at 6:00 tonight Camilla, I'll pick you up at two," I reminded the children as they walked out the door. "Bert, here is some cash to catch the bus, Milly and I will be home after we pick up Mark but your father should be home by then anyway. If you need anything here's my cell number."

"Thanks Esme."

"Thank you."  
"I'll see you later."  
"Have fun at school," I replied and I waved as I watched them drive away with their father to school.

I called my boss, letting him know the house was empty and the renovations could start.

I spent the whole day overseeing the renovations, and everything was running smoothly. Nothing was happening on the inside of the house, other than the laundry, so the McClain's could still live in it. I decided to busy myself by making the dessert Mark had chosen, Tiramisu. I was inwardly glad he had chosen something I had never made before, so it was a challenge. I was beyond excited by the time 2:00 came and I picked up Camilla at school. A 12 girl is about to become a teenager and with the clothes her mother had her wearing, I was surprised that she wasn't already picked on, but it was an unavoidable fact.

"Now, I gather you don't go shopping often, so you wouldn't be able to tell me where the best places to shop are would you?" I asked.

"No not really," Camilla said, slightly embarrassed.

"Are you excited?" I asked.

"Yeah, definitely, thanks Esme, I really appreciate it."  
"Sweetie, you're welcome," I said sincerely.

"So, I know you don't know the good places around here, but my daughter Alice is absolutely fanatic about clothes and Rosalie as well. When Alice found out we would be on wife swap, she somehow charmed it out of the producers," This was Alice, but I couldn't very well tell Milly that my daughter could see the future, "Where you live. Of course, she already knew where the best places to shop are," I explained.

"Wow, I really like the sound of her," Milly said.

"Yes, I did think that the two of you would get along well," I said.

I asked Milly how school was and she was just finishing telling me how Bethany really liked Zach but was too nervous to ask him out, we were at the shopping mall Alice had suggested.

"Here?" Camilla said.  
"Yes" I said.

"But Esme, this place is so expensive, I won't be able to afford anything," Camilla said.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "I'll be paying for whatever we buy today."

I spent the rest of the time in different stores with Camilla, her choosing and trying clothes on, and at about 4:30, I heard her stomach rumble, but she was too polite to tell me that she was hungry.

"Well, I am famished. Why don't we go find someplace to eat," I suggested.

We stopped at a little café, and I had to actually swallow down some disgusting human food, so Camilla wouldn't suspect anything.

"Should we get something for the boys?" Camilla asked.

"I already did," I said smiling and lifted up two of the five bags I was carrying.

"When did you get those?" Camilla asked.

"When you were trying on some clothes," I said. "Do you want to see what I got? You can tell me if they'll hate it."

I pulled out some shirts, pants, belts, ties and two hats. I organized the clothes into outfits and showed them one by one to Camilla.

"This outfit is for Mark," I said. I had chosen more earthy colours for him to compliment his skin tone. "This outfit is for Bert." I went with a dark green shirt to bring out his eyes.

"This tie and hat is for your father."

"Wow, Esme, you have a really great eye," Camilla told me, impressed.

"Thanks. Living with Alice, it was inevitable," I said. "Are you finished?" I asked.

"Yes, thanks."  
"Okay, well I have a hair appointment booked in five minutes," I said.

"Really? Thanks Esme, I've always wanted to go to a professional hairdresser," Camilla said.

"You've never been to the hairdresser?" I asked.

"No, mum always did it," Camilla admitted.

"Well, I know quite well that you mother will not appreciate you getting your hair coloured, so we'll just get your hair styled," I said.

"Yes please," Camilla said.

"Milly, it's my pleasure," I said as we walked into the hairdresser.

"Hello, I have an appointment for Milly," I said to the receptionist.

"You're just in time, please come and take a seat," The young lady said pointing to one of the chairs.

Over the next hour, Camilla had changed from a young 12 year old girl with a drab, boring hairstyle, to a 12 year old, with more confidence, a stylish layered hairstyle with a side fringe and clothes that many girls would envy.

By the time the hairdresser had finished with Milly's hair, it was 5:45 and Milly and I had to pick up Mark in 15 minutes. Mark was waiting outside the school for us and when he got in the car, he did a double take when he greeted Milly.

"Whoa, Milly, you look great," he said enthusiastically.

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely, it suits you," Mark said. Mark was so sweet to Milly and I knew Emmett could learn quite a few things from him. Despite the fact Emmett was in his 60's, he certainly didn't behave like it.

We made our way home then, and when we arrived, the McClain's household already looked completely different. The magazine gardeners had already pulled apart the front garden and were in the process of putting potting mix and healthy soil where they would plant new flowers and trees and the painters had prepped the walls for re-painting. I smiled to all of the people still working as we made our way inside and I noticed that Milly and Mark were in complete awe.

"Wow, Esme, this is so cool," Mark said. "This house is going to look _awesome_!" he said enthusiastically.

I smiled, "I'm glad you like it so far, I'm hoping it will be finished by the end of the week," I said. "You guys go do your homework and then you can watch TV or go on the computer," I said.

"Cool, thanks Esme," they said happily.

"Bert, we're home," I called out.

Bert appeared at the foot of the stairs.

"Esme, I've done my homework, can I watch TV now?" he asked politely,

"Sure," I said.

I made a start on dinner, lasagne, which I had made plenty of times with and for Bella when she was human.

Two hours later, the kitchen was clean, the table set and dinner served. "Everyone, dinner's ready," I called out. The three children and Gerald who had arrived home shortly after I started on dinner, and he had retreated into his office immediately, made their way into the kitchen and sat at their respective places.

"Esme, this smells delicious," Gerald said.

"Thank you,' I said graciously.

Everyone tucked in and I was pleased to see them enjoy it.

"Esme this is the best lasagne I've ever had," Mark said.

"It's the _only_ lasagne you've ever had," Milly said.

"No, that's not true, I had some when Joel brought some to school for lunch," Mark defended. "And this is way better."

"Thank you Mark, I'm glad you approve," I said smiling.

When everyone finished I gathered the plates and began to wash up.

"Are you sure you don't want any help Esme?" Bert asked politely,

"I'm sure, go and watch TV," I said. "And let everyone know dessert will be served in 20 minutes."

"Yeah sure," Bert said.

That night, when I retreated to my room, I felt more relaxed than I had the whole time I had been here. I think it was because my stay here was coming to an end. And I was extremely excited about that. I couldn't wait.

**I know this is short and less action packed, but I will still be focusing mainly on the Cullens, because they are more fun to write about, I can't estimate how many chapters are left, but as soon as I know, you'll know too :)**

**Thanks,**

**AussieGal20.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_Monday_

Rosalie POV

It was currently six thirty in the morning and we had gone over some details for today during the 'slumber party' last night, which Lulu had crashed, tried to ruin, and failed miserably. We had decided that we had given Lulu enough grief through refusing to get out of bed, and by getting out of bed at an ungodly hour, so we were going to trip Lulu up this morning. We would act like perfect angels, until 10 minutes before we leave for school, when we would orchestrate three tantrums simultaneously, effectively destroying Lulu. Alice, Bella and I would be the ones primarily causing the trouble while the boys would be the 'pot stirrers' making the situation worse while Lulu went insane trying to solve each problem which would escalate. In 15 minutes Lulu would be banging on our doors, expecting the worst.

Emmett was watching one of the TV's that we had smuggled into our bedrooms while Lulu was asleep. I think we were all shocked at how dumb the woman was. She didn't _actually_ think that she could confiscate all the electronics and have us obey her did she? We had enough back-up television sets that would last us a couple of years and the number of TVs that are broken in this house due to fights breaking out would shock her. 6:45 rolled around and we all heard Lulu's alarm clock start buzzing, then we heard her groan and her feet hit the cold floor. It was only a couple of minutes before I had to start faking nice, for a few hours at least.

"Emmett, turn the TV off and get into bed," I hissed.

"But babe, the cops almost caught the guy, you know this guys a douche, he though he could make it from Detroit all the way to Jacksonville on a half a tank of gas. And he's been travelling at 95m/ph. Are all humans as stupid as this?" my husband asked me.

"I don't care," I said in a bored voice.

"Yeah, I've always known you hated things that go too fast," Emmett winked at me as he hid the TV in the closet and clambering over to the bed.

"Emmett, shut up," I said, completely ignoring his sexual innuendo.

"You know, we're already breaking one of her rules, technically, we're not supposed to be in the same room still, she spilt us up remember?" Emmett said.

"Meh, whatever," I replied. "Alice and Jasper are closer to the staircase, she'll start with them, and so, they can come up with something. Chances are, Alice found a loophole as soon as she made the stupid rule," I said.

"Yeah, I suppose," Emmett agreed and lay down next to me. I could hear Lulu was on about the third last step before she reached the second landing, so if all went well; we had about 7 seconds until she found Alice and Jasper together.

Emmett and I waited and immediately we heard the screech of anger signalling that she had.

"It has been less than 24 hours and you have already broken half of my rules!" I heard Lulu say angrily.

"Actually, you'll find that as of around 3:30 this morning, after the slumber party broke up, Only Renesmee and Jake went off to sleep while the rest of us were occupied with something else. So no, technically we haven't broken your stupid sleeping buddies rule, none of us have gone to sleep, so this rule is a moot point," Alice said.

"Fine whatever, it's too early to argue, just get up," Lulu said, although I could still hear the anger in her voice. She began thumping down the hallway closer to us and at the same time she opened the door, I locked lips with Emmett, enunciating the non-sleeping activity we had been occupied with earlier.

"Emmett, Rosalie, stop that and get out of bed," Lulu grumbled. Probably afraid we would argue, she hurriedly left and made her way to Edward and Bella's room.

Emmett and I left our room and made our way downstairs to the kitchen. Alice and Jasper were already there and a few minutes later we were joined by Edward and Bella. We all dirtied a bowl each with scraps of cereal in it, to make it look like we had eaten breakfast and sat around the table chatting cheerily 'finishing off' our breakfast as Lulu walked in the dining room 15 minutes later. Jacob and Renesmee joined later and while Jacob actually did eat the cereal, Ness discreetly did the same as the rest of us to fool Lulu. After a convincing amount of time, one by one, we ambled off to get dressed.

We all dressed in clothes that fit Lulu's guideline and packed our bags for the day and were ready, waiting downstairs in the lounge room closest to the garage. Lulu was still in the shower and Alice said she would be out in 7 minutes. We fine-tuned the arguments that would occur soon and while we were adding the last few details Lulu walked in and stared at us in shock.

"Lulu, we have decided as a family that you didn't deserve our anger and retaliation. We discovered that we have used you as a scapegoat and misdirected our anger at you instead of dad. Dad made us go on this show because he thought we needed straightening out, but we didn't think so, and now our mum is gone and we all miss her dearly. I am apologising on behalf of everyone for how we have treated you and we will try to be more respectful of you and listen to you, even if we may not agree," Edward finished his rambling monologue of how sorry we were, while the rest of us looked at her apologetically, looking like perfect angels and Jasper washed feelings of forgiveness over her.

We had chosen Edward to make the speech because we knew that he had a silver tongue and could dazzle any woman into believing anything he said.

"Well, I will not pretend that I have not been disappointed and shocked with the atrociousness of your behaviour, I will monitor your behaviour and if you are truly sincere and apologetic, I can forgive you. I am thankful for you apology. Now, it seems as though we have forty minutes before you have to leave, so why don't you use this time wisely and finish off any homework you may have. Renesmee, You and I can start your school work when the others leave and Jacob, why don't you go into town and hand in your resumes to any places hiring at the moment. You can go as far as Port Angeles if you wish," Lulu said.

"Yes Lulu," we all said and while Jacob walked into the garage, the rest of us made our way to the family study, to do our work.

Eventually the time came for us to split up and begin operation torture Lulu stage two part three. At least that's what Alice called it. Bella and Edward went to their room, Emmett and Renesmee went to their 'battle stations' Jasper went to his room and Alice and I stayed put for the time being.

Alice looked at me, and I could tell she was counting down in her head so Edward could hear. She held up five fingers and sure enough, five seconds later Bella and Edward began to argue.

"Edward no!"

"Bella, come on, please?"

"Don't its gross,"

"No it's not."

"Yes, it is. She's 11"

"Come here babe,"

"No, Edward."

"Babe"

"No stop!"

"Please?"

"No GET OFF ME!" Bella screamed. I heard Lulu downstairs and I could hear her drop her coffee mug. Alice then left and she went to her room where Jasper was waiting.

"JASPER!" I heard her screech in a very high-pitched voice.

"Yes babe?"

"What are you doing? Did you get my authorisation to change outfits? NO I DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"Alice, I was just–"

"No, I don't want any excuses from you; I can't believe you would go behind my back like that!"

"EMMETT!" Renesmee suddenly squealed.

"Gotcha!" Emmett said.

That was my cue. I walked out of the study to see Lulu halfway up the stairs, shock evident on her face.

"EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN!" I yelled as loud as I could without breaking glass. In the corner of my eye I saw Lulu flinch. "Why are you flinging water balloons at Ness?" I yelled 'fuming'.

"I was–, I was just–," Emmett tried to tell me, but never finished his sentence when I 'noticed' the object in his hand.

"What are you doing with my bra?" I asked with a venomous tone.

"Rose, bras were designed specifically for this purpose, you see, they cradle the water balloon nicely, and they give you the ability to adjust the speed, and projection. And the two cups mean that you do a double shot. Who ever invented the bra, is an amazing inventor," Emmett said.

"Emmett, that is my favourite bra, and–" I stopped talking and Emmett's goofy grin faltered. Lulu was still behind me, watching for my reaction.

"WHAT THE HELL EMMETT?" I yelled at him.

"Rosalie that's enough," Lulu said from behind me. I completely ignored her.

"Emmett, you ripped my favourite bra! I can't wear it anymore!" I yelled at him. Like the natural pot stirrer he is, Emmett said,

"Cool, so I can keep it?"  
"AAAAGGGHHH!" I yelled and stormed into our room.

"Rosalie calm down this instant," Lulu said shrilly.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed back at her. Both Emmett and Lulu followed me into our room, but I had no idea where Renesmee was.

I grabbed Emmett's favourite baseball cap and a pair of scissors.

"You ruin my favourite bra, I'm ruining your favourite hat," I said angrily.

"ROSE NO!" Emmett yelled, but froze in his place as I snipped it into pieces. Of course, this wasn't his favourite hat, nor was the bra my favourite, and we had a spare of each anyway.

"There we go, we're even," I said smugly.

"Rosalie, I am extremely disappointed in your behaviour. There was no need to lower your behaviour to Emmett's level," Lulu said in what she thought was a firm tone, but I couldn't care less.

"Shut up, I don't care what you think," I said. At that very second Bella screamed bloody murder. Lulu looked torn between resolving the issue between Emmett and I, and going upstairs to break up Bella and Edward's argument. Eventually, she decided to go and stop Bella and Edward's argument. As soon as she was gone, Emmett and I smiled at each other and followed her, to see if we could rile anyone up and make an argument worse. We stood in Bella and Edward's doorway and watched their argument unfold.

"Edward, this is ridiculous, she is downstairs, in the same house," Bella said.

"Babe, she is in the garage with Jake, she can't hear anything and it's not like anyone else will let her upstairs anyway," Edward said breezily.

"Oh look, we have an audience. Looks like we don't even have a problem anymore Edward," Bella said smugly.

"Get lost," Edward hissed at Lulu.

"Can I just ask what's going on?"

"No," Edward said firmly at the same time as Bella said,

"Edward wants to have sex with me, even though our 11 year old, sister," Bella fumbled over the word, "is in the same house," Bella said disgusted, glaring at Edward.

"Edward I am in agreement with Bella, you certainly should not be having sex in the same house as an 11 year old. Or at all for that matter," Lulu said. I rolled my eyes, stop preaching already, we are all _very__much_ over the legal age.

"Shut up Lulu, stop shoving your stupid beliefs down my throat," Edward said angrily. "I believe Bella and I have already done enough to get us into hell, so we may as well enjoy ourselves before our damnation into hell," Edward spat at Lulu. It was safe to say she was in shock, but was soon shaken out of it by the sound of Alice's squeal downstairs.

We all went downstairs to see what was going on with Alice and Jasper.

"Jasper do you do this to me on purpose?"

"No, of cour–"

"Why is it that I spend hours on putting together a wonderful outfit, and then you change into something else?"

"Alice, I just–"

"It's like a torture, you wear the clothes, and I feel relaxed and then, and then," Alice started sobbing.

"Ali, please don't–"

"Right when I'm feeling complacent, you change and I just feel so awful."

"Ali, I didn't–"

"All those feelings of worthlessness from when I was a child just come rushing back," Alice said.

"Alice, please," Jasper said moving toward Alice, but as soon as his hand touched her shoulder. She raised her head with a menacing look in her eyes.

"Don't touch me," she said angrily.

"Alice, this has got to stop now, I am sick of your overreaction over something as stupid as clothing," Lulu suddenly snapped.

Alice stood up and walked over to Lulu calmly, but then all hell broke loose.

"AHHHHHH!" Alice squealed, abnormally high pitched. "This is all. Your. Fault!" she screamed in frustration. "If you didn't make that STUPID rule about our clothes, then I wouldn't have to choose such an UGLY outfit and Jasper wouldn't have wanted to CHANGE HIS CLOTHES!" Alice screamed. I stepped in then and held my arms around her as she 'sobbed in anger and despair.

"Maybe you should go," I said. Lulu, stunned, walked out of the room and downstairs.

"Yes!" Alice whispered. We figured that this much of a breakdown would result in Lulu being afraid to make us abide to her stupid clothing rule, so we all changed.

Alice POV

The end of school bell had just rung and we were all supposed to go to our various activities. Bella, Rose and I were supposed to go down to the gym for our very first cheerleading practise and the boys had their first football practise. Based on the lack of gossip and rumours today, we could gather that none of the other students knew of our sudden involvement in school activities. We said goodbye to the boys, dreading what would come next, and then Bella, Rose and I made our way to the gym. There were plenty of reasons why we didn't participate in any school activities, and that was simple. First, the less we're around humans the better, second, while it was possible, it took a lot of effort to not exert ourselves, or do too much physically, seeing as it would arouse suspicion. When we walked into the gym, all heads swivelled and everyone was obviously shocked.

"Hi," I said cheerily as we made our way to the cheer coach, Coach Ringwell. "We're new to the squad," I said.

"Oh yes Miss Cullen, Miss Swan, Miss Hale," Coach said. Come with me and I'll get you each a uniform." We followed her to her small office and waited outside as she rummaged around a box. Eventually she pulled out three sets of short skirts and tank tops. "Get changed and meet us back in the gym," she instructed.

"Thanks," Bella said glumly as she accepted the skimpy uniform.

We changed in the gym before making our way back to the cheer squad. To say we were stared at would be an understatement. Some girls looked at us in shock, never had a Cullen been seen participating in any school activity, other's looked at us with jealousy, probably at our perfect figures, and others looked at us with disdain, those were the head cheerleaders, the 'queen bee's' probably worried we would swoop in and take their spotlight.

"Alright girls, please welcome Bella, Rosalie and Alice to the team. What's the number one thing our team has?" Coach Ringwell asked.

"Respect," Everyone dutifully recited.

"Good. These girls are part of the team now, so respect them as well."  
"Everyone, warm up circuit now," the coach said. Bella, Rosalie and I fell into step, and picked everything up quickly. We breezed through the movements everyone else did, at the right pace, but with more fluidity and grace.

After warm up, coach Ringwell wanted to see exactly what we were capable of, so we were told to stand at the back and copy exactly what the others were doing. It turned out to be the routine they were all practising on for the next home game in two weeks.

Of course Bella Rose and I were perfectly capable of doing what the rest of the girls did, at the same pace, but to act believably, we made a few 'mistakes' along the way. Other than that, the coach and the girls were all impressed.

"You three have been holding out on us," the coach said.

"We don't like to take the spotlight," Bella said modestly.

"Well then why did you join now?" the cheer squad captain asked us.  
"We're on Wife Swap at the moment, and our new mum wanted us to get involved more with our community," Rose explained icily.

"You're on Wife Swap?" the co captain asked, disbelieving.

"Hence the cameras," I piped up.

All head swivelled towards the door to the gym were there was indeed the camera crew filming. They weren't technically allowed on school property, but Principal Shepard would do anything for the Cullen family, so she allowed the camera crew to stay a respectable distance away from all students.

The rest of the training went without incident and we finished up at 6:30, the same time as the boys' football practise.

After we were all showered and changed, we met up outside the change rooms.

"How was practise?" I asked.

"Lame," Emmett said.

"Most of these guys wouldn't be able to throw a ball if it depended on their life."

"Emmett, don't be so mean," the always kind Bella said.

"Honey it's true," Edward defended Emmett, a rare occurrence.

"They can't have been _that_ bad," Rose said.

"Oh they were, you just come to the next home game and you'll see," Jasper said.

"Well, I'm thinking it's a good night to go out for dinner and a movie, if you know what I mean," I said.

"What, hunting?" Edward asked.

"Yep, we can tell Lulu we went out for dinner, and it's not a lie, so dad can't get angry," I reasoned.

"And you have to admit, it's a lot harder when the scent is _constantly_ around," Rosalie reasoned.

"We'll just tell dad we were being precautionary," I added.

"I guess so, but what about Ness? And Jake?" Bella asked. "I hate to think of excluding them and not letting them know what we're doing."

"But, it'll be more plausible when we tell Lulu we just decided to go out for dinner, Ness and Jake's reactions will _actually_ be real," I said.

"Well, if we're going to break her stupid eating-as-a-family rule, can we break it properly and actually go to the movies after hunting?" Rose asked. "There's this really awesome movie that came out, it's called _Horrible__Bosses_ it looks hilarious."  
"Oh, I saw the trailer for that, it did look funny," Bella agreed.

"What, no it sound's like a dumb chick flick," Emmett whined, Jasper nodding along emphatically.

"Actually, its about these three men who plan on murdering each others bosses so they have alibi's for their own bosses death," I said. "You'll like it, I promise, and if you don't we can always entertain ourselves some other way," I winked suggestively at Jasper.

"Alright, I'm in," he said.

"Me too, only if that second part is in place for us," Emmett said looking at Rose.

"Of course it is babe," she said.

"It's in place for us too Edward," Bella said, waggling her eyebrows at him. I swear I saw his knees buckle a little.

"Deal," he said.

"Cool, let's drive out to Port Angeles and we'll use the forest there," I suggested.

Everyone agreed, and within half an hour we were pulling up in the car park outside the cinema.

Bella and I bought the tickets and made our way out to the others.

"We have an hour and a half before the movie starts, let's go," I said.

"Where. Have. You. Been?" Lulu's voice screeched at us the second we walked in the door.

"Geez, nice greeting," Rose said sarcastically, gliding past Lulu and the stairs, Emmett in tow.

"Stop right there young lady," she said angrily. Rose snorted.

"Don't 'young lady' me," she said.

"Your father and I have been worried sick," Lulu said.

"When have you _ever_ been concerned for our wellbeing?" Edward said.

"And if dad's so worried, how come he's not even home yet?" Jasper asked.

"Exactly. If dad was _so_ concerned about us, he would have come home straight away," I said.

"Stop using empty threats. If you're going to threaten us, do it right," Rose said, and continued her way upstairs, pulling Emmett with her.

"Bye," Bella said and we all split up.

Eventually we all converged in Jasper and my room along with Renesmee and Jake.  
"Where were you guys?" Ness asked.

"We just went hunting and saw the movie _Horrible__Bosses_," Bella said.

"Oh man, I wanted to see that movie," Jake whined.

"Don't be such a baby," I said.

"Besides, Dad's gonna be home soon, and we have to have our cover story perfect," I said.

"Why, dad doesn't care if we went out hunting, he'll be happy we weren't pulling any pranks on Lulu," Edward said.

"I suppose, but even so, Lulu has to believe it," I said.

"Oh come on Alice, she's so stupid, she'll believe anything we say," Rose said.

On my insistence though, we came up with our story and we were ready to go by the time dad's car was pulling up in the garage.

"Hey dad," Bella said cheerily as we skipped down the stairs to greet him.

""You're oddly cheerful," dad said, already suspicious.

"We're just so happy that Lulu made us do cheerleading, it was heaps of fun," Rose said.

"Really?"

"Yep. We had fun too dad," Emmett said, a big goofy grin on his face.

"Uh-huh, and since when did listen to and actually _agree_ with one of Lulu's rules?" dad asked.

"Since we _actually_ enjoyed this one, it's not so bad hanging out with other kids," Jasper said.

"Well, in that case, I'm very proud of you all for making the effort. Good job," dad said smiling.

"And I did all my schoolwork, even though it was baby stuff and really boring, but I still did it with no complaining," Ness said proudly, wanting praise like the rest of us.

"Well then Renesmee, I am extremely proud of you too. I'm very glad you chose to make a good decision and listen to Lulu," dad said.

"Hey, I went and handed in resume's everywhere, _and_ I got a job at Bruce's mechanics in Port Angeles," Jake said, not wanting to be left out either.

"Well then, Jacob, I'm very proud of you too. I'm glad that you did something productive," dad said.

"What about you dad? How was your day?" I asked.

"Well, this morning I saw two trauma patients, a little boy who tripped over his remote control car and fractured his wrist, and a middle aged-woman who sustained a concussion when she flipped over her bicycle this morning. Then this afternoon, I did the third in a set of five surgeries to repair a young man's leg after a motorcycle accident," dad explained. "Now, I want all of you off to bed."  
"Night dad,"

"Night."

"Sweet dreams."

"Love ya."

"Good night."

"See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight dad."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

"Sleep well children," dad replied as we all filed up to our reassigned bedrooms.

Through the whole ordeal however, Lulu had just stood staring at us all, and I'm sure Edward had to put up with a whole lot of vitriol from her while she was watching us completely side step getting in any sort of trouble, shape or form.


	16. Chapter 16

**Wow, I am sorry for not updating in the last two months, but I experienced extreme writers block. By the time I realized this, had I have written an update to warn you, you would have had your hopes up seeing a new chapter and then realizing it just me being a bum, so I decided to just leave it alone and let you all figure it out for yourself. As well as writers block, I also finished college (high school for you Americans) so add the stress of exams, finding a dress and a date for my formal and Christmas and numerous birthdays to shop for, I was pretty much maxed out. Then I went away for a well deserved break. I went camping. Proper camping, no electronics or even running toilets. But I'm a tough nut, I handled it well and I have got to admit I loved roughin' it out in the Aussie bush. I hope to do it again some day.**

**I hope you all had a fantabulous Christmas and New Year and for every Aussie reading this, Happy Australia Day! I'm updating today because it's a special day, and you can hopefully count on me to stick to my update schedule of once a month.**

**I love you all, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, after the writes block it was fun to write **

**xoxo AussieGal20**

_More chores for Lulu_

**Chapter 16**

_Tuesday_

ESME POV

The McClain children were already radiating with happiness, and they had only been living by my rules for two days.

The renovators were ahead of schedule and the house was looking better and better by the hour.

When I dropped the kids off at school and wished them a good day, I could only imagine the sorts of rules that Lulu McClain had attempted to make, and I had no doubt that my children would be able to find a loophole in each of them. All of my children, aside from Jacob, Renesmee and Bella had studied law at university at some point during their life, but both Bella and Renesmee were incredibly smart, and Jacob was able to think outside the box. I had faith that my children would be able to side step the awful rules Lulu was bound to enforce, and I knew from experience, that the crew of this television show would not have enough tape to capture everything my children did. I had to admit I felt guilty about the treatment Lulu McClain was surely receiving, but my maternal instincts overrode that, and I remembered exactly how she treated her own children, and I knew that my own would not put up with anything they didn't agree with.

Today, I just had to oversee the renovations of the house, and I helped plant the new flowers in the front garden and I oversaw the design of the backyard.

I had gone with a simple open backyard, knowing that the boys were definitely going to want room to muck around and practise football, and the like. With Milly in mind, I had also included a small reflecting pond under a large shady tree along with a swing chair that would be a peaceful, calm environment for anyone to relax.

The front garden however, was more colourful. Bright flowers edged the path to the front door and small garden beds with hydrangeas and pansies were sprinkled off to the sides.

I just hoped that Gerald and the children loved it. At the moment, I was not concerned with how Lulu would react, but based on what I had heard and experienced, she was against spending any unnecessary money. So I could say, without a doubt, she was deeply out of her comfort zone in my house and she would be less than happy if she knew just how much it would have cost to fix up her house, if they had had to pay.

That night, after all the activities the children did had finished, I cooked the dinner that was requested by one of the children and we ate together at the table as a family, like they usually did, but unlike they were usually allowed to do the children talked about their day, excitedly recounting the funniest things that had happened in the cafeteria or in class or at their activities. For the first time since I had met these children, they were radiating with happiness, as was Gerald, he looked more comfortable than I had ever seen him. After dinner the children did their homework and when they were done, they watched television freely, for the first time in their lives. While they were watching TV, I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. For the first time, Gerald was not in his study working and I took this opportunity to ask him about his job.

"Gerald, you are an architect aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes, I am," he replied.

"What are you working on at the moment?" I asked him curiously.

Gerald looked flabbergasted that I would show interest in his job, clearly Lulu had no interest in her husband's life, and Gerald's shock that I cared about it confirmed my suspicions that she was a completely self-involved woman.

As I listened to Gerald, more intently as he continued, I couldn't help but be fascinated by what he did. I made a silent promise to myself that I would go back to university and do a degree in architecture. This way I could be more involved in interior design, instead of just interior decorating. I knew Alice would be fascinated by it as well, it would probably mean that she'd be begging for us to move again soon, so she can put her new skills to the test. I promised myself that I would invite her to take the course with me.

Despite seeing the obvious happiness and joy in the McClain's I still missed my husband and my children and I was still counting down the hours until I could see them.

LULU POV

The day had gone relatively well considering the fact these children aimed to make my life a living hell.

I found it so much easier to control Renesmee and teach her without the influence of the others. And of course, the house was so much quieter without Jacob's blaring music or loud bangs that emanate from the garage while he works.

By 3:15 in the afternoon, I was beginning to relax, thinking maybe the children were getting tired of annoying me to no end and had hopefully moved on to something more productive, like their schoolwork. The whole time I had been here, I had not seen any of them pick up any school books or do any work, of any kind, whatsoever. I had no idea how their mother would allow her children to live like this, not to mention, my brain found it near impossible to believe that these children were straight 'A' students. I was actually shocked they were passing at all.

Working with Renesmee was easy, she did what I told her to, with little complaint, and because one of the rules I had set was that the children would do the house cleaning, I had figured that I would start them doing their new chores today. Provided that they even showed up, instead of taking a trip to the cinema, like they had done last night. I couldn't believe that anyone had so little respect for those around them, that they didn't even bother calling home to let us know where they were. And to top it off, they had managed to side step getting in trouble with their father. They had distracted him sufficiently so I didn't have a chance to tell him what had happened before he sent them off to bed.

I knew that if I told Carlisle what they had done, they would use it as another excuse to stay up until 3:30 on a school night.

4:00 rolled around and I heard the car engines loud and clear as they parked in the garage. I was half expecting them all to come inside in the middle of a raging argument, but it was quite the opposite actually. They were all dead silent and walked slowly into the house.

"Hello children," I greeted them stiffly.

"Hi," Edward said.

"Hey guys!" Renesmee said in her perky voice as she ran down the staircase.

"Hi Renesmee," Rosalie greeted.

"What's up guys?" Renesmee asked.

"We're all pretty tired, I think we were up too late last night, we're all going to go relax for a while," Bella said.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. They had been up much later than they had last night, and they had had plenty of energy then.

"Really," I asked suspicion evident in my tone.

"Yeah, I'm exhausted," Alice said, yawning theatrically.

I had my suspicions, but nothing solid so I had no reason to say no.

"Fine, but dinner is at 7:30," I said.

"Alright, bye," Jasper said. Then they all raced up the stairs with far too much energy for teenagers who had claimed to be 'exhausted'. But, what I wanted more than anything was to get through the rest of my time here with as few arguments as possible, and there was no way I was going to start another one.

I turned around to tell Renesmee that I wanted her in the kitchen at 6:15 to start helping with dinner, but I couldn't find her anywhere.

Carlisle arrived home surprisingly early, at 5:30. When he walked inside to a dead quiet house, and no sight of any of the children, he was immediately shocked.

"Lulu, where are the children?" he asked.

"Oh, they said they were all really tired, so they're upstairs, asleep," I said.

Carlisle's eyes narrowed in confusion, and I could understand why. His children were loud and obnoxious by nature; it was odd for them to be this quiet, even at night.

"Lulu, I'll be right back, I'm just going to check on them," Carlisle said.

"Yes, it is a bit too quiet isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes." Was all he replied.

I contemplated going upstairs with him, but the thought left my mind quicker than it entered. I didn't care what they were up to, as long as I didn't have to deal with any yelling or any broken objects.

10 minutes later, Carlisle returned downstairs followed by seven children, all looking exactly as they did went they went upstairs an hour and a half ago.

"Children," Carlisle said.

"Yes dad," what do you have to say?" Carlisle asked them.

"Sorry Lulu," they all chorused. I was utterly confused, why were they apologising? "For lying."

"What did you lie about?" I asked. I was curious about what they had been doing upstairs.

"We lied about going to sleep," they all said.

"Why did you lie?" I asked.

"Because we didn't want to do homework," They said.

"Well, I think that was a very silly thing to lie about," I said.

"No one cares what you think," Jasper said irritably.

"Fine," I said. Nothing I say would ever get through to these children. "Go back upstairs, dinner is still on at 7:30, Renesmee, you have half an hour before I want you in the kitchen to help cook dinner," I said.

"Fine," she grumbled the rest of them went their separate ways.

Renesmee actually did as she was told for the first without arguing and the children came downstairs and ate their dinner when they were told without arguments.

Of course, this shockingly good behaviour could only last for so long and it ended as soon as I mentioned the word 'chores'.

"Emmett and Jasper, I am giving you the job of ironing. I want it finished before you go to bed tonight," I said.

"What?" Jasper said dumbfounded.

"I hate ironing," Emmett grumbled. Carlisle shot them both a glare and they immediately left the room without another word.

"Bella and Rose, I want you to do the laundry, I want all the dirty clothes washed and dried ready to iron before you go to bed tonight," I told them.

"I'm sorry I don't clean," Rosalie said, examining her nails while Bella just staring at me coldly.

"Girls, go." Carlisle stared at them with a meaningful look in his eyes. The girls withered under his gaze and stalked out of the room just as the boys had.

"Alice and Edward, you two are cleaning the kitchen," I told them.

"Yuck. I am not touching food boogers," Alice said disgusted.

"Oh but Alice, you are. Everyone else is doing their job, you have to as well," I said.

"Dad," she whined.

"Alice, Lulu is right, you have been given a job like everyone else, you have no choice," Carlisle said.

"Why don't Nessie and Jake have to do anything?" Alice kept whining.

"Because your brother is still at work and your sister already did her chore. She cooks dinner with me every night," I said coldly.

"Fine," Alice grumbled. Both Edward and Alice began to clean up. Carlisle went to his office, Renesmee to her room and I made my way to the living room and sat on the couch, glad that I was able to have a break.

Again, sadly, I knew that my break from work would only be short lived in this house. Before I knew it, I heard a shout, a clunk and a scuffle. By this stage I was already halfway up the stairs and I could hear commotion coming from the upstairs laundry room. I groaned as I reached the landing and I could already smell a burnt acrid smell. The smell became more and more potent as I approached the room. I could still hear scuffling and quick muttering voices as I opened the door.

"Hey Lulu," Emmett said in a casual voice, as though we made this encounter every day.

"What's going on in here?" I asked suspiciously.

"What?" Jasper said horror-struck. "Why would you immediately assume that something would be going on, other than the chore that you had set Emmett and I?" Jasper said.

"Because I know you children too well, to know that you are incapable of doing anything properly," I said sharply. "What's going on?" I repeated sharply.

"Well, we may as well tell you the truth, mostly because we don't care whether you find out or not, and also because we want you to go away and annoy someone else," Emmett said.

"When you told Emmett and I to take up the chore of ironing, you obviously didn't realise that we have absolutely no idea how it's done," Jasper said.

"So we came up here with no clue want we should do and we decided to practise first and we used your clothes first in case we did it wrong," Emmett said stepping to the side and giving me a clear view of the ironing board behind him.

"Looks like we made the right decision," Jasper said solemnly as I looked at the clothes on the ironing board. Lying there, was one of the shirts, I had bought last week after Alice had gotten rid of my clothes. The shirt had a large hole in the middle of it, with dark burn marks around the edge.

"Out now both of you, I want you to go to your room and I don't want to see or hear either of you again until tomorrow morning," I said.

"Cool, thanks Lulu," they both said as they raced out of the room.

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming. Great, I still had four more children to check on.

As I made my way down the stairs, I decided to see Bella and Rose, there was no way they could have any trouble with putting a few clothes in the machines.

When I reached the downstairs laundry room, across from my bedroom I saw that I was wrong. I could hear squeals coming from behind the closed door. I gritted my teeth and opened the door bracing myself for anything. When I opened the door I was affronted by the sight of a washing machine spewing out soap suds at an alarming pace and already, half the room was full. I ran forward and disconnected the washing machine.

"What the hell happened it here?" I shouted furiously. How on earth could someone possible have trouble turning a washing machine on? Did their mother teach them no housekeeping skills at all? How were these children supposed to survive on their own in a couple of years.

"Jeez way to encourage someone, it's our first time doing this, can't you have a little sympathy?" Rosalie said snidely.

"I'm just trying to understand how four teenagers can survive not knowing how to do the ironing or turn on a washing machine," I said angrily.

"Well, we sort of knew how to do it," Bella said. "Mum taught us to separate the colours to whites, colours, darks and delicates. But we both forgot how much of the soap stuff she told us to put in, and we both figured more is better, because it will make the clothes softer so we put the rest of it in the machine," Bella explained nonchalantly, standing in the middle of a huge pile of soap suds, still slowly coming out of the washing machine.

"How full was the bottle of soap?" I asked, I wanted to know just how silly these two girls were.

"About half full, maybe a little more," Bella said, again in a indifferent voice, as if this thing regularly happened, and I wouldn't be too surprised if it did.

"Eww, this crap is getting in my hair, I have to go have a shower and get it out," Rosalie whined, stepping forward.

"Rosalie, you are not leaving this room until it's cleaned up," I said.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea Rose, it's all through my hair too," Bella said as she started walking forward towards the door. Was I completely invisible? Did they like ignoring everything I said?

The two girls stalked out of the room right past me without a second glance.

I sighed, knowing that there was absolutely nothing I could say that would make them come back and clean up.

I decided to leave the room and wait for the soap suds to dissolve before I mopped up. The only two to check on now was Edward and Alice in the kitchen. The worst I could imagine was a couple of broken crockery, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Sure enough, as I walked into the kitchen, I found it in a completely catastrophic state. Apparently, these children were incapable of doing anything without making a mess. I had walked in on a heated argument.

"Edward, I am not touching food boogers. You're in charge of washing and I'm drying. There is still food on that plate," Alice said angrily.

"Alice, stop acting like such a girl and wipe the food off with the tea towel, you're being completely irrational," Edward said.

"I am acting like a girl because I am a girl, that's not irrational!" Alice screamed getting louder with each word.

The kitchen was ten times messier than I had left it. The sink was filled with soapy water, yet half of it had found its way to the floor and the surrounding bench top. Based on the amount of dirty dishes, pots and pans, it could be assumed that they had only washed a couple of plates by this time.

"Why didn't you put the plates and cups and cutlery in the dishwasher so you only had to wash the pots and pans?" I said exasperated.

"Because it doesn't work," Alice wailed.

"I used it last week," I said.

"Well, isn't that useful," Edward snapped.

"Don't take that tone with me, it's not my fault you can't operate a dishwasher," I said.

Suddenly Carlisle appeared behind staring at the dishevelled kitchen, a slight smile on his face.

"Pray tell what is funny about this," I asked Carlisle.

"I have found that in this house, if you ask for something to be cleaned, it will end up worse than how it was before" Carlisle explained. "Alice, Edward, I want you upstairs now," he said softly, but he looked at them both with his piercing eyes.

"Yes dad," they both said, only too happy to oblige.

"I'm sorry Lulu, if we let them continue in here, we would have had a much bigger mess on our hands. Now, I've been called into the hospital for an emergency, I should be back by around seven tomorrow morning," Carlisle added.

"You're going to leave me alone with these children and this mess?" I asked incredulously.

"Don't worry, I'll handle them," he said. "Children," he called calmly. I was sure he had spoken far too quietly for them to hear, but they all immediately bounded down the stairs, even Renesmee, who was in her room two levels up. "Children, I have been called into work, I'll be back tomorrow morning at about seven. Before I leave I want to lay a few ground rules," he said.

Based on the expressions of the seven children looking back at him, he had never set them any ground rules.

"I know it's still early, but I want all of you to stay in your bedrooms until Lulu wakes you up tomorrow morning. I want you all out of her way tonight," Carlisle said.

"Bye dad," they all chorused and while the boys waved goodbye and raced back upstairs, the girl flittered down the stairs and gave him a hug.

"Girls behave," Carlisle said, looking at Alice and Rosalie a little longer than Bella and Renesmee.

"Sure dad, you've got nothing to worry about," Alice said breezily.

"Good, upstairs now all of you," he added. They did as they were told and as soon as we were alone Carlisle sighed.

"Well, Lulu, the children will be out of your hair until tomorrow morning, it should make it a lot easier for you to clean up without them making more trouble," Carlisle said.

Before I could complain and argue that I would not be cleaning up after his children, he added;

"Well, I'm running late I best be off." With that, he left the room, without looking back.

Great, I thought. I had given these children chores, so that I would be able to sit back and relax, but I should have known that it wouldn't have gone to plan. Now, I was stuck doing twice as much work as I would have if I had not given them chores.

I started in the upstairs laundry. Not only had Emmett and Jasper burnt a hole in my shirt, they had burnt a hole in the ironing board cover. I took it off, threw both things in the rubbish and began ironing. I didn't do too much, just enough so that the ironing basket was half full, as opposed to overflowing as it had been when I started. I decided to work on the kitchen next, figuring it would be more work than the other laundry room. I started mopping the water spilled from the sink, before starting the washing up. Almost two hours later the kitchen was gleaming. Then I made my way to the laundry where Bella and Rose had made the washing machine explode. The soap suds had dissipated and now the ground was sticky and wet. When I finished mopping up it was past eleven thirty, well past the time I would usually go to bed. But the upside was that the children had kept true to their father's word. Not once did I see them while I was cleaning up their messes.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I just wanted to let you know that I have calculated it, and I have approximately five chapters left, POSSIBLY (but not likely) six.**

**Please review, each one warms my heart :)**

**xoxo AussieGal20**


	17. Chapter 17

**Wow guys, it's been super long, I know and I'm sorry!**

**I won't bore you with my pathetic excuses, I'll just let you go ahead and read.**

**ENJOY!**

_Church again..._

**Chapter 17**

_Wednesday_

Emmett POV

Yesterday had been the most fun we had had with Lulu since we met her. We got to make her think she was winning, and then we did what we did best, and ruined all of her plans to make us do any work whatsoever. According to Edward, at one stage she had thought that we were all intellectually stunted, and that we were the stupidest children she had ever met.

"I still can't believe that she thinks we don't know how to iron, or turn on a washing machine," my Rosie said laughing.

"Alice, what does she have planned for us tomorrow," Bella asked.

"Well, I checked before and she's planning on making us go to church again. This time Carlisle will have me and Jazz, Rose and Emmett drive with him, Carlisle's driving and the rest of you are with Lulu, and she's driving," Alice told us.

"Don't worry Edward, she's not driving your precious Volvo, she's driving the Alfa Romeo that mum got years ago," Edward sighed in relief.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were more attracted to that car than you are to me," Bella said

"Go Bells," I said giving her a high five. I love that I have a sister that can actually annoy Edward and get away with it.

"So what can we do to frustrate Lulu?" Rose asked, and thus began our brainstorm.

When every detail was planned out, we scattered, each going to our own rooms to entertain ourselves, or each other in Rose and I's case, and probably Alice and Jasper. Edward and Bella were mucking around with Renesmee until she was tired and then they'd probably keep Jake company. Whatever floats their boat.

Wednesday morning, Lulu woke us all up at 6:30, and we gave her hell as usual. Just the basic yelling, arguing, fighting, breaking things and sarcastic comments; simple yet effective. Our main plan was going to happen this afternoon, while Lulu thought we were going to Church, we all had different plans.

"Emmett, stop acting like a child and grow up," Lulu shouted after I had chased Alice around the house with 'dirty' underwear.  
"Emmett, I have to agree with the witch-lady on this one, you _do_ act like a child," Edward said.

"Shut it pretty boy, or I'll have sex with Rose in your car," I said.

"Emmett, I don't want to hear you talk about things like that in such a cavalier way," Lulu scolded me.

"Whatever lady, you have your sex life and I'll have mine, I'm off, who's in my car?" I asked.

"Me," Rose said.

"Me too, Edward drives like an old lady," Jasper said.

"I do not, you're the one who drives too slowly," Edward yelled.

"I'm going with Jazz," Alice said.

"Bella, you're coming with me, let's go," Edward said and began to storm off towards the garage.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," Bella growled angrily. I could see Edward actually shrink with fear at the glare Bella was aiming him with. "And just for that, I'm going with the others. Maybe your two hour trip to school will give you something sometime to think about the way you just treated me," Bella said, stalked off towards my jeep.

"Damn, you got told brother," Jasper said laughing.

"Have fun on your two hour drive to school," Rose sneered.

We all piled into the jeep and Edward got into his car. Lulu was still staring at us disbelievingly as we sped down the driveway.

"Why are you all so late? We are almost supposed to leave for Church," Lulu said angrily as we filed into the living room after school.

"Which is why we're here now," Bella pointed out the obvious to the dim-witted human.

"Children, I don't want any arguing," Carlisle said from the top of the stairs.

"Dad," the girls squealed and flew up the stairs to hug him. They were playing the part of 'daddy's girls' well I must say.

"Dad, my geometry teacher is so stupid, he keeps picking on me," Edward whined.

"Maybe that's because you're such a smart arse," Jasper said.

"Jasper, stop that now," Carlisle snapped. "We are leaving for Church in exactly 15 minutes, and I want you all down here ready to go in 10, I am arranging the cars this time." We all groaned on cue and went upstairs to get the props and so the girls could freshen up.

"Mummy," Nessie squealed and jumped into Bella's arms.

"Shh baby," Bella reminded Ness.

"Mum, the stupid woman had me doing three times tables, it was torture," Nessie complained. "I hate her, I want Nanna Esme back."  
"We all do squirt," I said. "But isn't it fun to annoy her?" I asked.

"I guess," Nessie admitted. "But that doesn't mean I like doing multiplication, it's too easy," Nessie whined.

"I know that, but we only have to spend three more days with her then we'll see Esme again, and you can call Bella mum and Eddie dad again," I said. "Will a bear hug from Emmett make you feel better?" I asked her, smiling.

"Yeah," Ness said. I immediately picked her up and gave her a hug like she asked.

"Good now, let's get back to operation annoy Lulu," I said.

"Kay," Ness agreed.

Within 10 minutes we were all downstairs by the garage ready to go. The girls had all changed into slightly more revealing clothes and Lulu did not look pleased. Good. Part one: check.

"Alright, the last time we went to Church, the seating arrangements didn't work out, so I am choosing this time.

"Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper, are with me, I will be driving, get into the car now please," Carlisle said.

"Yes," Jasper said.

"We're not stuck with Lulu," Alice said and high fived Jasper.

"Good, I'm glad I don't have to travel with _her_," Rose said glaring at Lulu and walking into the garage.

"Ha ha suckers, you're stuck in the car with Lulu," I shouted and followed my Rosie.

"We could hear Carlisle from the garage talking to the others.

"Children, due to what happened last time, I feel that it will be most practical if Lulu drives, and you will be taking Esme's Alfa Romeo, here are the car keys Lulu."  
"What! That is so unfair, I am not getting into the car with _her_ driving," Edward said.

"Dude, I bet we'll be half an hour late if she drives, she probably drives like an old fart," Jake said.

"I am not getting into that car dad; I don't know how well she can drive. This is my life we're talking about. It's not something to be just casually thrown around. I _like_ living," Bella said.

"That's enough with the dramatics Bella, you'll get into the car and none of you will give Lulu a hard time, am I clear?" Carlisle said.

He must have given them that look, because we could hear them all agreeing.

"Fine," Bella gave in last. "But if I die, it's on your hands," she said.

"I'll take that risk Bella, get in the car."

"SHOTGUN," Renesmee squealed.

"That's my girl," I said, and high fived her as she past me to get to the Alfa Romeo.

Within three minutes both cars were on the driveway and twenty five minutes later we pulled up at the Church, the others not far behind us.

"Stop poking me!" Renesmee's voice came from inside the car as they were getting out.

"Aww, I'm just having some fun kiddo," Jake said.

"Daddy, make him stop," She said and flew into Carlisle's arms.

Carlisle lifted her up effortlessly and whispered in her ear. I heard what he said, but I doubted Jake's weaker ears did. Everyone kept their expressions in check, so as not to give anything away to Jake.

"Jakey, sorry for over reacting, I know you were just having some fun with me," Nessie said, angelically.

"I'm sorry for annoying you," Jake said.

"Hug?" Ness said and she held her arms out for a hug.

"Sure," Jacob lifted her into a hug before "Eww, Ness," he grumbled, when she gave him a wet willy.

Nessie squealed with laughter, and before we knew it, her infectious laughter had affected us all and we were laughing uncontrollably. All of us, except Lulu of course.

"Carlisle, we are about to enter the Church, all this rowdy behaviour is extremely disrespectful," Lulu said.

"You're absolutely right Lulu, I apologise," Carlisle said trying to stifle a chuckle. "Children, Calm down please, you are all to be on your best behaviour when we go inside, Jasper," he added warningly.

Almost immediately I felt a calm wash over.

"Thanks Jasper," I said under my breath so Lulu couldn't hear. "Way to ruin the fun."

He just glared at me and nodded his head towards Carlisle.

"Wuss, afraid of getting in trouble are you?" I asked.

"Emmett, stop that right now and go inside," Lulu snapped.

"Sheesh, take a chill pill woman," Jake said.

"Children, that's enough, inside now," Carlisle ordered us.

We all trudged inside slowly, and took our seats in the middle rows.

"I don't _want_ to be here," Renesmee whined. "Isn't it disrespectful to God to go to church when you don't want to?" she asked.

"Renesmee, be quiet, the priest is about to enter the church," Lulu said.

The mass had only been going for 10 minutes when we were already losing interest. Alice looked at me and nods discretely and I understand the signal. I don't look back at her, but I know she knows I've seen. I wait a few minutes, and dial Alice's number on my second iPhone. I've timed it so her phone rings shrilly as everyone is singing the Gloria, ensuring that many people are disrupted.

"Kate, how are you?" Alice almost squeals. "I haven't heard from you in ages. What's it been, like three months? What have you guys been up to?" Alice asks.

Alice pauses a few moments before talking again.

"No way, that's so cool, I can't believe you moved house and didn't tell us. We'll all have to come and visit soon, especially now that you're so close," Alice squealed.

"Alice, put that phone away, and concentrate on the mass," Lulu hissed at her.

"Hang on Kate," Alice said. "Shhh, I'm on the phone," Alice says dismissively to Lulu. "Sorry about that, what were you saying?"

Another pause. In my peripheral vision I could see Edward's body trembling. Lulu must be thinking something pretty amusing.

"Well I guess they're missing Canada, I'm sure they'll get used to Spokane county soon enough, It sure is different to Juneau," Alice said.

Alice continued the pretend conversation for another few minutes before ending the call with a promise to catch up later in the week.

"Alice, I thought I removed all electronics from you, hand me the phone now," Lulu snapped.

"Shhh, we're in church Lulu, geez, follow your own rules for once, hypocrite," Edward said.

"Alice, hand me the phone now," she repeated, completely ignoring Edward.

"Why?" Alice said indignantly.

"Because one of my rules on Sunday was no electronics, including phones, now hand it over."

"Fine," Alice huffed and handed her phone to Lulu.

"This isn't over Alice, we'll discuss this when we get home and you'll be receiving a punishment," Lulu said solemnly.

"Ohhh, I'm so scared," Alice said rolling her eyes.

"Turn around and don't say another word," Lulu snapped.

By now, we were half way through the biblical readings, which meant that the Priest would begin his homily soon.

When the Priest did start his homily, he decided to talk about how everyone is unique, and equal. To illustrate his point, he compared all humans to fruit, going on about how some people are bananas and some people are pears.

Bella let out a soft giggle.

Soon it was like a chain reaction. After Bella giggled, Alice started, and then Renesmee and then even Rose was laughing. When all the girls were laughing, Jasper started and spread the laughter onto all of us, except Lulu, he even had Carlisle laugh a little, but when he saw the look Carlisle shot him, he stopped. By then it didn't matter, we were all laughing freely anyway. Though, most of us laughing at the horrified and embarrassed look on Lulu's face rather than the Priests pathetic analogy. By now the entire congregation had turned and were staring at us incredulously and the Priest looked a little more than disgruntled.

"Jasper, stop that now," Carlisle commanded.

"I'm not doing anything," Jasper immediately whined.

"Children, stop that now," Lulu almost growled.

The Priest had made his way down the aisle and was standing in front of us.

"I am sorry to say that your laughing has become a distraction to the rest of the congregation who have come here to pray in peace. If you aren't able to stop distracting others, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave," the Priest said.

"You heard the Priest children, no more laughing," Carlisle said.

"I'm so sorry for their behaviour Father, they'll stop right now," Lulu said.

"Sorry Father," Renesmee piped up, batting her eyelids. "We didn't mean to be a distraction, we'll be quiet now, I promise," she said pouting her lips slightly, exactly the way Alice had taught her.

"That's alright dear," the Priest immediately softened.

"Well done Ness," I said, high fiving her as the Priest walked back up to the altar.

We had almost accomplished what we wanted. To be thrown out of Church. The ultimate embarrassment for Lulu. That meant that Jake would have to start phase three soon.

The prayers of the faithful had finished at the Priest was preparing the Eucharist when Jake let out a huge fart.

"Yuck," Rosalie said.

"Eww," Alice whined, scrunching up her nose.

"Gross," Bella said, leaning away from Jake.

"Jake, that so disgusting," Renesmee squealed and buried her face into Edwards shirt.

"Dude," was all I said.

"Jacob, that was absolutely foul, grow up," Lulu said, scowling angrily.

"What it's a natural bodily function?" Jake said. "If God wasn't happy with me for doing it, then God shouldn't have given our bodies the _ability_ to do that," he said.

Lulu was glowering angrily at Jacob, and it was obvious that she was almost about to crack.

I looked at Renesmee and nodded my head, letting her know that she would be executing her big finale soon. She winked, letting me know that she knew what to do.

We all knelt for the first time and when we were able to sit again, Renesmee started.

"Lulu," she whispered and began poking her in the arm. "When's this going to be finished?"

Lulu ignored her.

Still poking, Ness said; "Lulu, when can we go home?"

Still ignoring her, Renesmee kept poking. "Lulu I'm bored, I want to go home."

Lulu turned at looked at Nessie. "Be quiet, we'll go home when mass is over," she snapped.

"But Lulu," Ness said, still poking her in exactly the same spot, "I'm bored, please can we go home? Please?"

Lulu turned away and tried to focus on the Priest.

"I asked, nicely, I'm bored and so are the others, no one except for you wants to be here," Ness said.

"Turn around and be quiet," Lulu snapped, grabbing Ness' wrist.

"Oww, you're hurting me," Nessie squealed loudly. "Let go, it hurts, ouch, stop it," Ness said loudly, this time sobbing, tears trickling down her cheeks.

Gasps resonated from around the Church as everyone watched Lulu and Renesmee.

"Let her go," Edward snarled.

Lulu released her grip, and caught sight of the expression on numerous people's faces. Disgust and disappointment.

"Everyone, outside, now," she said and stormed out of the church without a backwards glance.

"Yay," Rose said loudly. We all followed, grinning, even Renesmee, who was now being cradled by Edward, partly for dramatic effect, but mostly because he was far too overprotective.

Renesmee jumped out of Edwards arms as soon as we reached the foyer.

Geez dad, I'm fine, I was faking. She has the grip of a feather, I could barely feel it," Renesmee said, rolling her eyes.

When we all got outside, Lulu was glaring at us furiously.

"Get in the cars, all of you, same as before," she said.

"Can we go for ice cream?" Ness asked.

"No," Lulu snapped, stalking over to the Alfa Romeo and getting into the driver's seat.

"Everyone in the cars now," he said sternly, although we could all see the small smile, he was trying to suppress.

The drive home was uneventful to say the least. Well, for those of us travelling with Carlisle. When Lulu finally arrived home, she stormed into the house while the rest of us walked over to the others, to find out how their car trip with the devil woman was.

"It was so funny," Bella said. "She refused to acknowledge any of us and she just rambled on about how disrespectful we all are and how that was the most embarrassing experience of her life," Bella explained giggling.

"Yeah, and she was going on about how she's going to hell now cause she was kicked out of a church," Ness added.

We all laughed when we heard her yell out for us to get inside.

"Children, get in here now!" Her voice rang out from the living room.

"We're coming, we're coming. No need to snap," Rose said angrily as we walked into the living room.

Lulu was pacing in front of where the TV would usually be before she took it away.

"Sit," she said.

"What are we dogs?" Alice said indignantly, none of us moving to sit down.

"After your behaviour today young lady, I would be surprised if you were," Lulu said angrily.

"Hey, that's rude," Edward said.

"Lulu, I must object to you calling my children animals," Carlisle said, giving Lulu that piercing stare that he usually reserved for us.

Lulu's anger faltered slightly, and I could feel Jasper sending her a wave of guilt.

"While, I agree that my children were somewhat less than behaved today, they are still my children and I find what you said unacceptable Lulu," Carlisle said in a stern tone.

"I'm sorry children, what I said was uncalled for, I lost my temper," Lulu said.

"That's alright Lulu, we accept your apology," Jake said.

"I don't," Rose muttered under her breath, too quiet for any human to hear.

"Wait, how did this turn into me apologising to them? We were kicked out of the church because of their appalling behaviour," Lulu said.,

"You're absolutely right, we must resolve these issues now," Carlisle said.

"Oh man," I said, and everyone else groaned.

"Dad, do we have to? Can't you just send us to our rooms for the rest of the night?" Jasper asked.

"No," he said shortly.

"Alice I would like to know where you got your phone from. I thought I removed all electronics from you for the week?" Lulu said.

"Yeah, you did, but you don't actually think any of us want to live like the Amish do you?" Alice said sceptically. "All of us have at least two spare phones," she added.

"So you all purposefully disobeyed yet another one of my rules?" Lulu said disbelievingly.

"Yep," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders.

Lulu must have realised that she would get nowhere with Alice so she moved on to Jacob.

"Jacob, I cannot believe that you did what you did. It was absolutely disgusting, not to mention incredibly rude," Lulu said.

"Lulu, it's an honest bodily function. Everyone does it, even the president. Even you," Jake said.

With that, everyone erupted into laughter, except Lulu, who had turned bright red.

"I don't care if it's a bodily function, you should know better than to do that in public," Lulu said.

"Whatever," Jake said. "I don't really care what you think, you'll be gone in a few days and then we can go back to doing what we want without you yelling every five seconds."

Lulu ignored him and turned to the rest of us.

"As for all of you, your behaviour was absolutely disgraceful. I cannot believe you mocked a Priest," Lulu said.

"I think that there needs to be a punishment for your action this afternoon. Carlisle, what do you suggest?" Lulu asked.

"I believe that their behaviour was very disappointing and unacceptable. I thought I raised you children better than to behave like you did at church today. Not once have you ever acted like that when your mother and I took you to church. Just because Lulu's presence is a distraction and you may not agree with some of her beliefs and rules, I do not condone your behaviour today. Each of you are to go up to your rooms until tomorrow morning when Lulu wakes you up for school," Carlisle said. "I want you to go to the rooms that I assigned to you at Lulu's rule change, and I don't want any arguments. Goodnight," Carlisle dismissed us and the look of absolute disappointment on Lulu's face was clear that she thought Carlisle was being too soft on us.

She had no idea that Carlisle disappointment now was very really and we were all feeling a little guilty. Not only did we embarrass Lulu, but we embarrassed him as well on National television.

"I'll come and speak to you all later when Lulu's asleep," He said so quickly, I doubt even Renesmee and Jake heard him.

"Night dad," we all said as we trudged up to our rooms.

No matter what Carlisle said, we still had three and a half more days until Lulu left, and we still had plenty of ideas on how to make her life hell.

Maybe we wouldn't go so far as we did today, but it didn't mean we had to stop having fun.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a pain to write, I have had absolutely no motivation to write at the moment, I think it's because this story is beginning to wind down a little.**

**I must however, give some credit to my little sister, who gave me a lot of the ideas that helped me write this chapter... Thanks kiddo :)**

**I know this chapter didn't include Esme and the others and I hope that's okay. Nothing much goes on over there anyway, but I promise to give you a recap in the next chapter to see how there doing.**

**I do have plans for the next chapter (Thursday) and the chapter after that (Friday) but I have no idea what to do on the Saturday. Its family outing day so if anyone has any ideas, let me know. That would be a great help!**

**Also if I have an idea of what to write, I'll be able to write a lot faster, without having to suffer writer's block. I hope that enough motivation to get you to review and give me ideas :)**

**xoxo AussieGal20**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey everyone:)**

**Sorry for the long break, but I think it was a little less than last time.**

**I am actually going away for three weeks on Monday so I won't be writing for quite a while and I really wanted to have this up before I leave.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, is was heaps fun to write:)**

_Entertaining school day_

**Chapter 18**

_Thursday_

ESME POV

Since the crew from the magazine had arrived on Monday and started working on the McClain's house, the laundry had been completely finished, the front yard was due to be completed tomorrow and the back yard would be done by Sunday afternoon, before Gerald arrived back home with Lulu.

Over the week, the children had gotten steadily happier and happier, enjoying the new freedom and activities they were now participating in. The family was closer than I had seen them over the two weeks and Gerald was spending more and more time outside his study to muck around with his kids.

Mark, Bert and Milly had taken to their new activities and I was happy to be doing the housework and overseeing the renovations. It almost made me feel like I was at home again. It made it easier to forget that I didn't get to see Carlisle every day, or yell at Emmett for teasing the girls, or resolve an argument between the boys, or cook enough food for a basketball team for Jacob, or teach Renesmee anything and everything she wanted to learn.

The week had flown by rapidly, now that I was a little more comfortable and preoccupied, and I was hardly able to believe that I would get to see my family in three days. This week at the McClain's had gone smoothly, except for last night, when the camera crew had left for two hours for their break. Gerald had taken this time to talk to Bert about the bullying notes I found in his bag. I was surprised that neither Gerald nor Bert were angry at me for going through Bert's backpack. Instead, Gerald was just ashamed that he hadn't noticed that his son was being bullied and grateful that I had, so he could resolve the issue. As for Bert, I think he was just relieved that he didn't have to hide it anymore. He had confided in me in the car on the way home from grocery shopping on Tuesday that he was afraid of the reaction his mother would have. He told me that he was worried about disappointing his mother, by being weak, and not being able to defend himself.

When I heard those words come out of Bert's mouth, I could feel my dead heart break in two. As a mother, I couldn't believe that Lulu had completely brainwashed her children into thinking they were weak if they were bullied.

I did my best to comfort Bert, but there wasn't much I could do, me being a stranger and him being a teenage boy.

What I did instead was ask him what he wanted to do and he told me he wanted to be an artist. Yesterday, I called a few art schools in town and enrolled Bert in a class for the rest of the term. When I told Bert about the classes, he was purely overjoyed, more excited than Milly or Mark had been when I enrolled them in their preferred activities.

I look up from the carrot I'm peeling for lasagne when I see Bert clattering down the stairs.

"Esme?" he called.

"I'm in the kitchen," I replied.

When Bert came into the room, he was holding a large Manila folder.

"Can I show you something?" Bert asked me.

"Sure, what do you want to show me?" I said.

Bert took out a few sheets from the folder and placed them carefully on the bench. I looked at them shocked.

They were all drawings. Some were portraits, some were stills and some were landscapes, but all of them were absolutely amazing.

"Did you draw these?" I said in awe as I examined them closely.

"Yeah," Bert admitted sheepishly.

"Bert, these are incredible," I said. "Does your father know that you can draw?" I asked.

"No, no one does, not even Mark and Milly, I keep these hidden under my mattress," Bert said.

"Why?" I asked dumbfounded. I couldn't understand how he would keep this sort of talent to himself.

"Because when I first mentioned art to mum, she said that it was a waste of time, and didn't want me daydreaming about something so useless, and that I had to focus on things that would get me into law school," Bert said.

"Bert, if your mother saw these, I don't think she'd say that, I think she'd be pretty proud of you. These drawings look amazing Bert," I said.

"Nah, you don't know my mum, I think dad would be proud though," Bert said thoughtfully.

"Bert if your mother isn't proud of you, I'll think she needs to be tested for blindness," I said.

Bert laughed, "Thanks Esme. I just wanted to show as a thank you for the art classes. I wanted you to know that your money isn't going to waste," Bert told me.

"Bert, don't think like that. A mother does whatever she can to make her children happy, no matter the cost," I chastised him.

"But you're not my mum," Bert reminded me.

"This week I am," I told him. "I really think that your father would like to see those drawings, why don't you show them to him, he's in his office," I suggested.

"Yeah, thanks Esme," Bert said, gathering the drawings and went to show off his drawings to his father. I could see the glimmer of pride in his eyes that I don't think had ever been there before.

LULU POV

After Carlisle had sent the children to bed as their punishment for their behaviour at Church yesterday, I had begun to dislike him almost as much as I disliked his children.

I was absolutely appalled that he believed a suitable punishment for them embarrassing me the most I ever had been in my entire life by essentially being kicked out of church was speaking calmly and saying he was 'disappointed.' The children had seemed genuinely sad and apologetic when their father sent them to bed last night.

Today was Thursday which meant that I only had a few days before I could get out of here and get back to my structured and well organised life where my husband and children respected me.

By the time the boys had stopped fighting and the girls arguing and they went off to school and work in Jacob's case, and I was finally left with an extremely petulant Renesmee, I was exhausted and all I wanted was to go back to bed and rest.

Renesmee sat at the end of the table in the living room, glaring at me.

"Don't glare Renesmee, it's not an attractive look," I told her.

"I don't care," Renesmee said, her scowl, if possible, deepening.

"Why are you so cranky today?" I snapped. I had no idea what was bothering her so much. She hadn't been in trouble and I hadn't made her do anything that she didn't want so her behaviour was baffling me.

"Because I don't like you," she said.

"You don't have to like me, you just have to do what I tell you too," I said. "You have school work to do, go and get your books and bring them down to the table," I said.

Renesmee glared at me for a few seconds before storming upstairs.

"I'm giving you five minutes to get back down here Renesmee," I shouted as she disappeared up the second set of stairs. I had learned from Carlisle over the two weeks that a time limit needed to be set when giving orders to his children, otherwise known as the devil's spawns.

Exactly five minutes later, Renesmee was slowly shuffling down the stairs, taking as long as she could to reach the table.

When she was sitting, I looked over her note book, trying to decide what to do with her today.

"Alright, we've done a lot of maths; I think we'll give history a go," I said. "Read the first two chapters of this book and jot down dot points on each paragraph," I told her and left her to work.

Renesmee groaned, but reluctantly obeyed. Even though I had tried to give the children chores, and that had been a complete disaster, it was another thing I was saddled with during the day. I had been hoping to get some time to relax, seeing as at home I would be volunteering all day, but instead I had to do laundry.

By the time I had washed three loads of washing, ironed and folded just as much, Renesmee had finished the work I had set her and it was time for lunch.

While I was in the kitchen making lunch for the two of us, Renesmee started playing the piano. It was a familiar piece, one I had heard her playing before.

I knew nothing about music, none of my children played an instrument, but whatever Renesmee was playing sounded flawless.

"Renesmee, lunch is ready," I called placing, a sandwich on the table after packing her books away.

"I'm not hungry," she yelled back, not stopping what she was playing.

"I don't care whether you're hungry or not come and eat your lunch,"

"No," she said petulantly.

"Renesmee, come and eat your lunch before I have to come and get you," I snapped.

"You can try, but I'm not hungry and you can't make me eat.

"Renesmee, if that sandwich is still sitting there in five minutes, I'm taking it away and you'll have to wait until dinner to eat," I said.

"Fine, I don't care. Longer until I have to eat the crap that you cook," she said.

I huffed. It was the same argument I had with her every lunch time for the entire two weeks. I made lunch, Renesmee refused to eat it. I took the lunch away and she went hungry.

Honestly, it seemed like the child barely ate.

I ate my own sandwich and when I was taking my last bite, the phone rang.

The entire time, Renesmee hadn't stopped playing the piano. Playing piece after piece, of gorgeous music, but I wasn't going to tell her I thought so.

"Cullen residence," I answered.

"Hello, this is Ms. Carter, Principal Sheppard's assistant at Canyon City High School; may I speak with Mrs Cullen please?" The lady asked.

"Esme Cullen is currently in New York, participating on the show Wife Swap, my name is Lulu McClain, I am the Cullens' temporary mother, what can I do to help?" I replied.

"Ah yes, now that I think about it Jenny did tell me that the Mrs Cullen was on the show," The young woman said thoughtfully.

"Was there anything in particular you were calling for?" I snapped. This woman shouldn't be a receptionist if she could even remember something she was told last week at the latest.

"Yes, sorry, Principal Sheppard has requested you come down to the school immediately," Ms. Carter informed me.

"Really? What for?" I asked.

"I wasn't informed, but I was told to call you immediately," Ms. Carter.

"Alright then, I'll be there shortly," I replied, ending the call. "Renesmee!" I called.

"What," she grumbled from the music room.

"I have to go down to your siblings' school. While I'm gone I want you to review the notes you made this morning," I said.

"What? That's so boring, can't I come with you? I miss them," she immediately started whining.

"No, Renesmee, you will stay here and do your homework," I said.

I huffed as I walked out to the garage, internally groaning about how many things I had to do for these ungrateful children.

When I pulled up in the parking lot of the school, I noticed how far away the shiny Volvo and Mercedes were parked from the other cars. As I was walking into the reception building, it occurred to me, the Cullen's were all anal about their cars. Another example of their materialistic obsessions.

"I'm Lulu McClain, I'm here for the Cullen's," I said to the lady at the reception.

"Yes, I'm Ms. Carter, we spoke on the phone. Please, follow me through to Principal Sheppard's office.

She opened the door to a large office, decorated with diplomas, certificates and awards.

"Mrs McClain, I'm Jenny Sheppard, nice to meet you," A middle aged woman with short red-brown hair shook my hand before gesturing me to the one remaining chair by the desk.

With one look at the Cullen's I noted all there different moods. Alice and Bella were trying to stifle giggles, Edward and Jasper had their arms crossed and looked annoyed and Emmett and Rosalie looked a cross between frustrated and angry.

The only time I had ever been called down to my children's school was when they were sick, but I was guessing that wasn't the problem here.

"I am so sorry to have pulled you away from any commitments. I tried to get a hold of their father, but he was in the middle of a surgery," Principal Sheppard told me sincerely. The only thing she had pulled me away from was trying to control one of the _other_ Cullen's.

"That's quite alright," I accepted her apology.

"The reason I have called you down here is because your children have all displayed behaviour that we do not condone at this institution," Principal Sheppard told me.

I heard all of the children scoff at the word 'institution' but both the Principal and I ignored it.

"What exactly did they do?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

Let's start with Alice and Bella," she said. "I received numerous complaints from their History, English and Biology teachers. I was informed that in these three classes, the two of them were constantly talking and making smart comments to their superiors," Principal Sheppard said.

Both girls started yelling furiously at the same time, making it impossible to hear what they were saying.

"Stop it," the Principal said in a loud authoritative voice. They both quietened for a few seconds before Bella began again.

"We were not making smart comments. We were just correcting them when they were wrong," she said, leaning back into her chair angrily.

"Correcting a teacher does not include calling them an idiot Miss Swan," the Principal said.

"We didn't call anyone an idiot. We may have thought it and it may have been implied, but not once did we ever say it. We were both careful not to," Alice insisted.

"That's not the point Miss Cullen, the point was, it was implied and that is not an acceptable way to talk to anyone, especially a teacher," Principal Sheppard said.

"We were just trying to help. Do you really want someone teaching an AP Lit class if they don't even know when to use who or whom correctly?" Bella said.

"Or someone teaching an AP History class when they don't know how long the first battle of Bull Run lasted for?" Alice added.

"OR someone teaching AP Biology when they don't know what the endoplasm or the ectoplasm is in a cytoplasm?" Bella continues.

"Whether or not you think they were wrong or not, it doesn't give you the right to _imply_," The Principal was careful to stress the word, "that they were stupid, especially in front of an entire class of students. If you had a problem with the quality of teaching, you bring it up with me in private, or you can speak to the school counsellor."

Alice's hand shot up in the air before Principal Sheppard had finished the last word.

"Yes Miss Cullen," the Principal said.

"I have a problem with the quality of teaching in AP lit, Biology and history," she stated.

"Don't forget Calculus, Alice," Bella added. "Remember that time when Mr Shields confused Riemann's integral with Lebesgue's integral?"

"Yeah, that was a funny day," Alice giggled.

"It's a bit late for that now girls, but I will take what you said under advisement," said the principal.

I was still shocked at the number of AP classes these children seemed to take. I don't think I've seen them do more than five minutes home work a day. Not to mention they had completely lost me with the terminology they used.

"As for Edward and Jasper," she said. "During their PE class, the two of them decided it would be fun to throw balls at a particular student, persisting until he was covered with bruises," Principal Sheppard said.

"We were playing dodge ball, that's the aim of the game," Jasper said furiously.

"What wasn't part of the game Mr Hale, was the relentless teasing which resulted in an anxiety attack," The principal countered.

"It's not our fault he's a wimp, we were just giving him some helpful advice on hygiene," Edward said.

"Making degrading comments about another student's genitals is not considered helpful advice," the principal told Edward angrily.

"Well then we were helping him build character," Edward huffed.

"It's true, the kid's a wuss. Maybe next time someone gives him some advice, he won't start to hyperventilate," Jasper added.

"What you two said was neither appropriate nor excused at this school," The Principal said to them.

"Alright, I am most disappointed in Rosalie and Emmett's behaviour today," Principal Sheppard continued. "Not only did they not show up for their fifth class today, but they were caught by the school janitor, having romantic relations in an unused classroom," the Principal finished.

"Romantic relations we weren't able to finish," Rosalie snarled. This explained both Rose and Emmett's frustrated behaviour.

"Miss Hale, this school has children from the age of 12. Not only this, but any sort of contact, especially of that nature, is explicitly banned, it's as simple as that. While I would prefer you not to be having sexual intercourse at your age, I have no control over the matter. What I do have control over is what you get up to on these school grounds," The principal finished, leaning back in her chair.

"Fine we're sorry, give us our punishment so we can go and have sex somewhere else," Rose snapped.

I was surprised Emmett wasn't commenting at all, considering this was the sort of topic he seemed to enjoy joking about at home, but when I looked at him I could see his large frame shaking with laughter, whether it was at Rosalie, Principal Sheppard or just the situation itself.

"Miss Hale that was not called for," the Principal said. "And Mr Cullen, I do not find this amusing in the least," she added.

"What action are you going to take?" I asked.

"Well, I have given this some serious thought and have decided on suspension for the six of them. As Mr Cullen and Mr Hale's actions caused direct emotional and physical danger of a student, I believe a suspension of five school days is appropriate and Miss Cullen, Miss Swan, Mr Cullen and Miss Hale will have a suspension of three school days," Principal Sheppard.

"Yes, six day holiday," Emmett said.

"Mr Cullen, in no way is this going to be a holiday. You are being sent home for three days with a large amount of school work that is expected to be completed by the time you return, and this will go on your school record," Principal Sheppard informed him. "And whatever work is not finished when you return, will be completed in afternoon detentions until it is," she added, when Emmett immediately opened his mouth.

"All, right, if that's all, can we go now?" Edward said impatiently.

"Just wait here while I get your suspension packs," Principal Sheppard said.

A few short minutes later, spent in giggles and quick conversations, Principal Sheppard handed each of them a folder. I noticed that Edward and Jasper's were thicker than the rest, but remembered they had a longer suspension period.

"Again, I am so sorry, that I disrupted your day," Principal Sheppard repeated. "And I expect you all to come back with better attitudes and behaviour," she said as the children filed out.

The children were all in their cars and driving away before I had the chance to talk to them.

I was surprised when I got home and saw the two cars parked neatly in the garage and even more surprised to hear the house silent.

I walked into the second living room to see all of them sitting around the table, playing monopoly, Renesmee sitting between Edward and Bella. I looked over at the table and noticed that the books Renesmee was supposed to be revising were untouched.

I smiled smugly to myself as I walked to my room; think about the explanations these children would have to give their father when he got home from work.

**Hey :)**

**I want you to know that I made up the suspension thing. I've never been suspended so I don't know how long they go for or what you do during it so I used my creative license :)**

**I hope you enjoyed it, please review.**

**xoxo AussieGal20**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_Friday_

ESME POV

Three days and two nights. That's how long I had until I could see my family again. Although, it wasn't completely unbearable anymore. Now that it was my rule week, life in the McClain house seemed closer to normal than it was last week. We were slightly ahead of schedule. Yesterday afternoon, after Bert had shown his father and his siblings his art, they had all decided to get some sun time, helping the gardeners in the front yard. With all of us pitching in, we had finished it this morning, which meant, extra hands in the backyard, which meant that would be finished before expected too.

Despite being slightly happier this week, I missed Carlisle immensely and realised I hadn't called him in quite a while. I noticed the time and calculated that it was 11:30 in the morning in Oregon.

"I'm just going down to the grocery store, I need to get some ingredients for dinner tonight," I told one of the producers.

"That's alright, we just wanted to get a little more of the renovations, and then we'll be back tonight at about seven," The executive producer told me.

"Alright then, I'll let Gerald know,' I said and I grabbed the car keys for Lulu old rusty car and sped out of the driveway as fast as I could.

When I parked outside the store, switched off the ignition and dialled Carlisle's mobile, even though he was probably at work. I knew if he saw my name flash on the caller id, the only reason he wouldn't answer was because he was in a surgery and had no access to his phone.

"Esme?" His sweet, calm voice echoed from the phone.

"Carlisle, how are you?" I said hurriedly, excited to hear his voice.

"I'm fine, we're all managing, but I think the children are eager to get you back," he said with a soft laugh.

"Oh Carlisle, what have they done? I can tell by your tone that they haven't been angels, so don't bother lying," I said.

"They've been," Carlisle hesitated for a moment before continuing, "slightly worse versions of themselves," he finally said.

"No one's been hurt though have they? Not even that awful Lulu?" I ask.

"No, no one's been hurt more than normal, except," Carlisle stopped himself.

"What is it? What did they do?" I asked suspiciously. "Was Emmett involved?"

"Surprisingly, no. But I'll tell you all about it when you get home, I don't want you to be worrying, and I know that the children don't want you to have time to think over what they've done. Then their punishment will be far worse," Carlisle said with a laugh.

"See, now I'm worried," I said. "Are you sure they're not being too horrible?" I asked again.

"Nothing too hard to handle. They've toed the line, but that's nothing new. I think they think, if they're able to get Lulu to run out of here screaming, the show will be cut short and you'll be home sooner. Renesmee begs for you every night, she misses you teaching her," Carlisle told me.

"I miss them too, we only have a few days left and then we'll see each other," I said.

"I know," Carlisle said.

We carried on the conversation for another twenty minutes before Carlisle had to get back to work and I had to get things for dinner before taking Milly and Bert to their afternoon activities.

The afternoon blurred into evening and evening into night and before I knew it, it was midnight and I only had two days and one and a half nights before I could see my family.

ALICE POV

Over the last two weeks we had learnt that Lulu's mood and mental abilities were not at her highest point at 5:30 in the morning, so this was the time we planned to start the day.

"Look out below!" Emmett yelled at the top of his lungs before hurling himself off the second floor railing and landing in a cannonball on the large pile of mattresses we had placed below.

"My turn, my turn!" Renesmee squealed excitedly.

I heard Lulu groan as she was woken from her sleep by our intentionally loud exclamations.

"Woohoo!" Nessie squealed in delight as she hurtled through the air into the mattresses. "What is that noise?" Lulu nearly growled sleepily as she walked down the hall.

"I'm going," I said, and back flipped off the railing, landing perfectly on my feet.

"Oh my gosh!" Lulu screamed as she saw me flying in the air.

"What the hell are you doing?" she nearly screamed at us. "Do you realize how dangerous this is? You could all break your necks," she said. "Not to mention I was sleeping," she added under her breath, thinking we couldn't hear her.  
"We won't break our necks, we do mattress diving all the time," Renesmee piped up. As she said that, Rosalie jumped off the railing somersaulted twice and landed flawlessly.

"Ohh!" Lulu screamed.

"Relax, we're fine, go back to bed," Jacob nearly growled at her.

"Fine, but you can all explain to your father why you're in the emergency with broken bones," Lulu snapped and stormed out of the room.

Lulu didn't go back to bed, but instead she went to the kitchen and made herself breakfast and coffee. Now that she was sufficiently distracted, we went back to the fun. We kept taking turns jumping off the bannister. Eventually, we started setting ourselves challenges like:

"Whoever can do a somersault wins!"

"Whoever can do the most somersault's wins!"

"Whoever can do the most back saults wins!"

Until eventually Emmett suggested:

"Whoever can pull their pants off in the air wins!"

"Emmett that's stupid," Rose said.

"I accept your challenge," I said.

Various responses of "me too," chorused from around the room and Rose finally caved and agreed too.

We could all technically do the trick Emmett said, except maybe Jake, but Lulu was going to walk in in a few minutes when she heard our laughing and there was a cameraman filming in the corner of the room, so we had to be careful.

Everyone had a turn and were all unsuccessful, until we got to Emmett's turn.

"Watch and learn suckers," he proclaimed as he hurled himself off the bannister. He managed to get his pants down just past his knees when he crashed face first into the mattress.

"I still won, I got further than all of you," his voice was muffled from mattress. He rolled of the mattress and landed on the floor, hitting a side table in the process.

"It's okay, I'm fine guys," Emmett said, just as there was a resounding crash as one of Esme's crystal vases smashed on the floor. Lulu rushed in then and screamed when she saw the shattered vase all over the floor.

"Alright that's enough!" she yelled. "Do you have any idea how expensive that vase was?"

"Yeah, don't mind us, Emmett was just almost killed," Rose said in the most believably melodramatic voice she could muster as she raced to his side.

"Don't bother putting the blame on me, I told you to stop mucking around before and you wouldn't listen," Lulu said angrily. "I've had enough of this nonsense. Clean up this mess, put those mattresses back where they belong and go and do some study," she ordered. As she left the room she added as an after thought,

"And have fun explaining to her mother why her expensive crystal vase is missing."

We did what Lulu said told, only because we had some other things planned to annoy Lulu today.

Lulu POV

The children did what they were told, which I was surprised by, but what really threw me was that they were nearly silent for the next few hours. When I checked on them every hour or so, they were in their rooms, reading books, magazines, playing a board game and when I suggested that they do some study or assignments for school, instead of yelling, arguing and speaking back; all I received was a glare and a slammed door to my face. I was just beginning to revel in the glorious peace when I heard whispering and the shuffling of feet coming from the direction of the corridor leading to my bedroom. I was immediately suspicious. Of course they weren't really behaving, they were just lulling me into a false sense of security.

"Don't even think about going into my bedroom," I snapped at them as I hurried to stop them. As I reached the corridor, I was greeted by the sight of the Cullen's filing into not my bedroom, but the locked door next to it, that I had assumed was the basement.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

Bella, Jasper and Renesmee's heads whipped around at the sound of my voice and they scurried quickly into the room.

"Quick, quick," Bella said and the door was slammed shut just as I reached out to stop it from closing.

"Open this door right now," I said and banged on the door. Nothing happened.

"Children, open this door or I will call your father," I threatened. Again I got no reply.

"5…4…3," I was still met by silence. "2…1. Fine, you asked for it, I'm calling your father right now," I said as I stormed off, back toward the kitchen. I dialled the hospital, a number I was becoming increasingly familiar with and could recite from memory, and was greeted by the automated recording voice. _Your call is important to us, please wait until your call can be answered. Your call has moved ahead in the queue, please wait until-_ "Hello, Emergency department, Nancy speaking, what can I do for you today?"

"May I please speak to Dr Cullen?" I said.

"Who may I ask is calling?" Nancy said.

"Lulu McClain, I'm living with Dr Cullen as a part of the television show _Wife Swap_," I said.

"Okay, I think Dr Cullen is in a surgery at the moment," Nancy told me.

"You think, or you know?" I snapped. "Isn't it your job to know what is going on in the emergency department at all times so you can answer people's questions?" I demanded. "You should be a little more effective at your job."

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I know Dr Cullen is in surgery and will not be out for at least another two hours, but it could be longer depending on whether any complications arise," Nancy said in a clipped tone.

"Will you please page him, it's important," I said.

"I cannot do that Ma'am, the surgery Dr Cullen is performing is a difficult surgery and he requested that he not be disrupted for anything," Nancy informed me. I huffed in annoyance.

"Fine, will you have him call me at home as soon as he is finished?" I requested.

"I will be sure to do that Ma'am, have a good day," Nancy said as she hung up.

I sighed; I didn't know what to do. I was adamant to find out what those children were doing, with their track record I wouldn't be surprised if what they were doing was lethal, and I was supposed to be supervising these children and return them to their parents unscathed. I made my way back down to the door and demanded that they open the door.

"All I need is to know is that you're all alive," I said. Silence. "Open the door now," I demanded and banged on the door repeatedly.

Suddenly, the door flew open to reveal Rosalie's frustrated expression.

"For God's sake you never quit do you?" She sneered. "What the hell do you want?"

"I need to know you aren't all killing each other," I snapped back at her. Did she honestly think I cared what they did beyond inflicting bodily harm on each other?

"Well you have nothing to worry about then, we'd probably kill you before each other," Rosalie scoffed. And as she slammed the door, I stuck my foot in the doorway to stop it.

"I'm coming in whether you like it or not," I persisted.

"Fine," Rosalie finally relented. Honestly, I was grateful, I was nearly withering under her icy stare. I descended a staircase, almost as nice as the one in the house, and I was first greeted by a pool table where Edward and Jacob were mid game. As I turned around slightly, I saw Bella and Renesmee on a set of those two car simulators found in arcades, next to that was three arcade games – pinball, Pacman and another one I had never seen before.

"Rose hurry up, I want to watch the movie," Alice whined. I turned around to see her appear from behind large red velvet blackout curtains and beyond those were deluxe chairs seen in premium cinema theatres.

"What is all this?" I asked.

"It's our games room," Emmett said from another arcade game these children had.

"I though I banned all electronics?" I said. Again, these children had found a way to disobey me.

"Well actually, none of these are what you classified as 'electronic games'. You said that we had to get rid of phones, iPods, iPads, Laptops, TVs, Xbox, PlayStation, Wii and RockBand, you didn't say anything about our arcade games, or our movie projector," Renesmee rattled off in one breath.

"Well, I would have included those if I knew you had them," I said angrily. "Which I probably should have known anyway," I mumbled under my breath.

"I heard that."

I almost jumped out of my skin as I turned around to the other side of the room I had missed and Jasper was standing right behind me, his tall frame looming over me.

"Well, its true. You children are all spoilt and take everything you have for granted," I said coldly.

"We don't care about your opinion of us, now please get out," Bella said.

"Fine, But I expect Renesmee upstairs in two hours to cook dinner," I said as I made my way back up the stairs to the house.

I entered the kitchen and made a cup of tea, still trying to fathom just how much money Dr Cullen and his wife had to be able to fill this house with such unnecessary objects. That thought frightened, as the sudden realisation that I had left my children in the care of a highly materialistic woman, who raised children with no respect and who would most likely corrupt my children into similar mind frames. The only comforting thought was that my faithful husband was there to keep that woman in line, and not let her taint my children's lives with materialistic nonsense. I was ripped away from my reverie by the telephone ringing, and as I glanced at the clock, I realised an hour and a half had passed since I came upstairs from the basement.

"Hello, Cullen residence," I answered.

"Lulu, it's Carlisle, I was told you called earlier and hat you said it was important, are the children alright?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh they're absolutely fine," I assured him a slight sneer in my voice, never mind about wether _I'm_ all right or not.

"Well then, what was the big emergency?" he asked me.

"Oh, the children locked themselves in the basement room and they refused to open the door when I called them," I said angrily.

"Oh, well Lulu, did you try knocking on the door? Because that room is soundproof, they wouldn't have been able to hear you calling them," Carlisle said.

"I knocked on the door the second time. Mind you, it took them nearly half on hour to answer the door though," I huffed.

"Yes, the children like to have their loud movies on. Neither Esme or I really care for it, so we had the room soundproofed when we installed the theatre, before that, we had Emmett and Jasper practise the drums down there," Carlisle chuckled nostalgically.

"I don't care _why_ the room was soundproofed, I just care that those children respect me a little more," I snapped.

"You're absolutely right Lulu, I had hoped that with a little time, they would warm up to you, but I see now that that is not going to happen," Carlisle said

_You think_, I refrained from saying.

"I promise when I get home tonight I will have a chat with them about their behaviour," Carlisle promised.

"Thank you, I appreciate that, what time will you be arriving home?" I asked. I wanted to know how much longer I was left alone with his devil-like children.

"I'll be home at around seven," he said.

"I'll have dinner ready when you get home," I said before hanging up. The Cullen's seemed to take a long time to eat dinner, so hopefully this would force Carlisle to give a long lecture to his children.

I left the kitchen to order Renesmee to the kitchen to start on dinner, when I passed the main living room and found that the children had relocated from downstairs. I did a double take at the sight of the children in various states of undress.

"What the hell is this?" I demanded in shock.

"We're playing strip candyland," Edward announced nonchalantly.

"Excuse me?" I said in disbelief.

"What? Candyland is an extremely appropriate game. It's for 3 years and up. Nessie is way older than that," Emmett defended.

"Yeah, you told us to play age appropriate games remember, so instead of playing strip poker, we're playing strip candyland," Jacob said.

"When I said age appropriate games, I didn't mean this," I seethed.

"But we did what you said," Alice pouted.  
"This," I gestured at the nearly naked Emmett, "is not what I classify as 'age appropriate'" I said.

"Well that's a little rude, you're insinuating that Renesmee is not old enough to handle a game like candyland," Bella said, her eyes narrowing at me.

"I don't have a problem with the candyland I have a problem with the–, you know what? Never mind," I said exasperated, everything I said, these children were able to twist so I decided to forgo the effort of arguing with them. "Renesmee, it's time to help me with dinner," I said.

"I don't want to, I'm winning the game," she whined.

"Renesmee, so help me, if you give me grief tonight, your father will hear about it," I warned her.

Renesmee glared at me but eventually caved and followed me into the kitchen, dragging her feet.

Emmett POV

Everything was going great. Lulu was nearly at breaking point, Jasper could feel the frustration and anger rolling off of her, and Edward said that hint of smugness Jasper could feel her emanating was because she thought dad was going to lecture us at dinner for 'disobeying' her again. If she hadn't learnt anything from the previous nights, she sure would today. We were all pretty good at commandeering a conversation and steering it in the direction we wanted.

By the time dinner was ready, it was almost seven and Lulu was back to nagging us.

"Children, get to the table now, your father will be home soon," Lulu said.

"In a minute!" I yelled, on behalf of everyone else, and yet no one had the intention of moving.

It was five minutes before Lulu figured out we weren't going to the kitchen and she stormed into the room, an ugly scowl on her face. Just as she entered the room, Dad turned onto the dirt driveway from the road, which meant he would be here in a few minutes.

"How many times do I have to ask you to go to the table for dinner?" She demanded angrily.

"I don't know, why don't you go ahead and see? I'll keep count," Rose said sardonically. The rest of us sniggered at her comment, but Lulu did not look impressed.

"That was uncalled for Rosalie. All of you, in the dining room now," Lulu commanded.

"Umm, I don't really want to," Bella said in a mocking tone.

"I don't care what you do or do not want Bella, go to the table now," Lulu ordered.

"No thank you, I'm not hungry," Bella said.

"I don't care whether or not you eat the dinner, I want you to go to the table like everyone else," Lulu said.

"But, I'm not hungry, and the smell of all that food makes me sick," Bella whined.

"Exactly, it's actually been proven by scientists, that the smell of gross food, makes people sick," I said. I don't know if that's true, I haven't been to medical school, only Edward, Jasper and Rose have been and Bella plans to the next time we get to 'college age'.

"I don't care Emmett, Bella is going to sit at that table with everyone else whether she eats or not," Lulu said.

"If Bella doesn't feel well, she shouldn't have to be subjected to something that will further exacerbate that pain," Edward said in Bella's defence.

"Edward, that's enough," Dad's voice came from the doorway.

"Bella, it's your choice if you eat or not, but you're going to sit at the table like everyone else and that's final," Dad said firmly. "Everyone, to the table now."  
With his stern expression, we all knew enough not to argue and filed out of the room.

After a lot of shuffling of feet, overly slow movements and some more grumbling, everyone was seated at the dining table, Dad at the head and Lulu on his right.

"Well children, that wasn't so hard now was it," Lulu said in her extremely condescending tone.

"Yes actually, it was. All that movement made me feel more sick," Bella whined.

I grinned at her from across the table, she was playing this so well.

"Bella, stop exaggerating," Dad warned her.

"But it's true," Bella kept whining. "The smell of this food is making me sick." Although not technically true, the scent of human food was far from pleasant.

"Enough," Dad said pointedly enough that Bella knew to stop. Bella slumped back into her chair and sighed loudly. "So children, tell me how your day was?"

"It was good, we did mattress jumping this morning dad, and you should have seen Emmett dad, he was so funny when he tried to take his pants off in the air and he face-planted into the mattresses with his pants around his ankles and then he rolled off onto the floor," Ness said excitedly.

"That sure would have been a sight," Dad said, an almost imperceptible smile gracing his face.

"What? Are you not going to mention to your father that when Emmett rolled off the mattresses, he crashed into a table and knocked off one of your mother's expensive crystal vases?" Lulu said, her eyebrows raised so high they were almost hidden in her hairline.

Dad chuckled lightly, "Are you talking about the large vase on the side table in the main living room?" Carlisle asked her.

"Yes," Lulu said, confused at Dad's reaction to the news.

"That was a gift to Esme from a gardening society she was a member of years ago, she always hated that thing," Dad said. "Is that all you did today?" he turned his attention back to us, ignoring the seething woman at his side.

"No, Lulu made us clean up the mattresses and then we went to our rooms, but that got boring so we went down to the games room and hung out there for a while. Then we played strip candyland," Ness finished, shovelling some white mush into her mouth. Lulu had visibly straightened in her seat as Ness mentioned the game room, and now her eyes were fixed on Dad.

"Ahh yes, that was something I wanted to talk to you about," he said. Lulu straightened even more and looked happier than I had seen her in days. "Children, do you really think strip poker is an appropriate game to be playing with your sister?" Dad said.

"What!" Lulu snapped, jumping to her feet in anger.

"Relax Lulu, I'll get to the other matter in a minute, I believe playing strip poker with a 12 year old is far greater offence, don't you?" Dad said.

Lulu grumbled under her breath and sat back in her chair.

"Well?" Dad asked again.

"There's nothing wrong with strip candyland dad, you already took away strip poker when Nessie is around," Jasper whined.

"Exactly, we agreed with you that gambling was inappropriate so we got rid of the poker and used candyland instead," Rose said.

"Yeah," I agreed. Everyone else in the room voiced their agreement too.

"Well, I'm glad that you realise that gambling is inappropriate for Renesmee, but there is something else to be learnt here," Dad said.

"Is strip chess appropriate?" Bella suggested.

"No Bella," Dad said.

"But it's learning," Bella pointed out.

"Oh, what about strip maths homework?" Alice suggested. "Or strip geography homework, or history, or English, or–"

"Alice I don't care that there might be some knowledge gained from it, stripping is inappropriate for a 12 year old to be doing at all," Dad said.

"But that's unfair dad, I like playing strip poker and strip candyland and doing strip homework would be so much fun," Ness said.

"This is exactly why I didn't want you playing with your older siblings Renesmee, they are all a bad influence on you and are teaching you bad values and inappropriate habits. This is exactly what your mother and I tried to avoid by home schooling you," Dad ranted.

"But dad," Ness began.

"No buts Renesmee, and that goes for the rest of you. I can't believe your mother and I raised you so that you can't see what's wrong with a 12-year-old playing strip poker. Where did we go wrong?" Dad said.

"Dad," Rose began to whine.

"No, I've heard enough of your excuses. I want you all to go straight up to your rooms and think about what we discussed. Tomorrow morning you better all have something better to say than 'there's nothing wrong with it'. You are all dismissed," Dad said.

No one needed to be told twice and we all left the dining room in a hurry. By the time we were all upstairs, we could hear Lulu yelling at dad for not speaking to us like he said he would. Like I said we knew how to steer a conversation in the direction we wanted it to go in, or avoid a direction all together.

"I know what dad is planning for tomorrow," Alice said, peeking her head around the door. "Come into my room, we're having another meeting."


	20. Chapter 20

Saturday

Esme POV

It's Saturday. One day and one night. 29 hours and 47 minutes until I can see my family again. Its 8:13 in the morning and the children are all still asleep. They were all exhausted when they got home last night. Camilla had been out to the cinema with her friends for the first time in her life. The boys each went to a party at their friends' house, which was a first for them too. Gerald had watched a football game on their decrepit TV, but he seemed happy. And I'm guessing that was a first for him too. The renovations for the McClain's house are almost finished. There are a few last minute things left to do, but they will be finished by this afternoon. I had plans for the day, an actual 'family day', unlike those that Lulu had conducted – made up of housework and then board games and a stroll around central park. I planned to include something that each of the children enjoyed, and I knew seeing his children happy would be enjoyment enough for Gerald. I started on making pancake and waffles, requested by the children. The smells of the cooking food woke the children and they tumbled down the stairs still half asleep.

"Good morning," I said cheerfully as they all took a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Morning Esme."

" I have some fun lined up for you all today," I told them.

"Really?" Bert asked excitedly. "What are we doing today?"

"I thought I'd make it a surprise," I said.

"Oh Esme, please, please tell us," Camilla begged.

"You're forgetting I've been raising eight children, so don't think you're getting it out of me that easily," I said grinning at the three children seated in front of me. "But I promise you all that I've included something for everyone. Now go get dressed so we can leave," I said.

They all hurriedly finished their food before racing upstairs to get dressed for the day. I was glad that today was exactly how the weather forecast suggested. Overcast, but no rain expected, which meant that we could do what I had planned. By just after 9 o'clock everyone was ready and in the car and Gerald was driving us towards our destination. I had of course told Gerald what I planned today and he was absolutely pleased with my ideas and was currently resisting his children's attempts to trick where we were going out of him.

"Please dad," Camilla begged.

"Nope, sorry kiddo," he grinned into the rearview mirror.

"Children, you'll find out soon enough," I said.

Immediately, all three of them looked out the windows trying to determine what we were headed towards. Gerald found a car space in an all day parking garage a few blocks from the train station that would take us directly into the city.

By the time we were in the city and standing outside the first venue I planned to visit today, Bert's jaw was slack until Mark nudged him and his mouth split into a grin.

"Really Esme?" he asked.

"Really." I confirmed. He flew into me and gave me the biggest hug I had ever received from a human.

"Thank you," he said.

"It's my pleasure Bert. But we have a few other places I want to get to today, so we won't be here for too long," I said.

"That's fine, I've always wanted to come here," he said.

"I know, I found the brochures in your pocket when I was doing the laundry," I smiled.

We entered the building and were greeted by a tour guide almost immediately.

"Welcome to the _Museum of Modern Arts_ would you like a guided tour or would you prefer to look around yourselves. I nodded to Bert and he decided on a self-guided tour and we spent the next two hours following him around as he explained many of the art pieces to us in great detail and with a catching enthusiasm.

We only toured around a section of the museum, but when we had finished, it was 11:30 and we had to leave to make it to the next place on my list. We traveled on the subway again and this time, the children figured out rather quickly where we were headed.

"Yankee stadium?" Mark asked hopefully.

"Yes," I confirmed and Mark let out a whoop of delight, causing everyone in out cart to turn towards us.

"Awesome, awesome, awesome," He said. "Thank you so much Esme," he said sincerely.

"It's absolutely fine Mark, I'm glad you're excited," I told him.

"I am," he assured me.

As we drew nearer to the stadium, it was obvious that Mark was not the only excited one to be seeing a baseball game. Gerald was striding along with a big grin on his face.

We found our seats in the stadium, they weren't the best, but were pretty decent considering how late I bought the tickets. Mark and Gerald enjoyed themselves immensely, Bert watched on in mild fascination while Camilla and I watched for a short while, before she told me all about her karate lessons that she had attended this week and was hoping her mother would let her continue when I left.

At some point, Camilla and I bought food and drinks for everyone and I was forced to down a few sips of a soda and a mouthful of chips. The others hardly noticed my lack of food intake though, while they ate hotdogs and were immersed in the game and Camilla watched a movie on my iPad.

When the baseball game was finished at about 2:45, we still had plenty of time for the last place I had decided on for Camilla's enjoyment. We rode the subway for the third time and when we arrived at our destination, Camilla let out a very loud high-pitched squeal.

"Oh, thank you, thank-you, thank-you, so much Esme, this is so cool," she shrieked.

"It's fine, Camilla. I must say I'm quite excited to be here too," I told her.

She gave me a hug, much like Bert had and we then headed towards through the entrance to Central Park Zoo. We spent the afternoon looking at all the animals and I bought the children an ice cream about half an hour before the park was due to close. The children were all devastated when we were ushered out at 5:30, but Gerald promised to bring them back again soon. It was still quite light, and a little too early for dinner, so we decided to walk around central park to fill in time.

We were all having so much fun that Gerald and the children hardly noticed it was getting darker, until I told them we should probably leave for dinner. We arrived at the restaurant and both Gerald and the children were looking around in awe. Gerald had told me earlier in the week that he and Lulu had never taken the children to a restaurant before, instead just a diner or cafe in their neighborhood. Apparently, Lulu was opposed to fine dining experiences and she told Gerald that restaurants were 'no place for children'. We were shown to our table and hand menus. The children had no idea what most of the foods on the menu were so Gerald and I ended up explaining what they were. The highlight of the dinner was Camilla's reaction to what 'sweetbread' was.

When we eventually got back home, everyone was exhausted and went to bed without a fuss, including Gerald. I went to my room as well and sat on the bed and suddenly realized that I only had 16 hours and 42 minutes until I would see my family again.

Bella POV

We had all congregated in Alice's room last night to discuss what we were going to do today.

…

"_So, I know what dad is planning for tomorrow," Alice said. "But it all relies on whether we can apologize properly for our behavior tonight."_

"_Well, what is it?" Rose said._

"_Tut-tut, not so hasty," Alice said. "Dad wants us to acknowledge that strip poker is not appropriate for Ness to participate in." _

"_Well that's kind of obvious, what else do we have to do?" Jasper said._

"_That's it," Alice stated, simply._

"_That's it?" Jake asked skeptically._

"_Yep, that's it," Alice confirmed._

"_That seems too easy, is what dad's planning really sucky?" I asked._

"_No, it's pretty cool actually," Alice said._

"_Dad," Nessie whined. "What's Alice thinking, what is it that dad has planned for tomorrow?" She begged._

"_Edward, don't tell them," Alice said. But he was never one to resist the look Nessie had on her face._

"_We're going to a carnival tomorrow," he blurted out._

"_Awesome," Emmett said. "There are so many things we can do to piss Lulu off," he said excitedly._

…

When morning came and Lulu and Carlisle were in the dining room drinking coffee and each reading a newspaper in silence, we all entered the room, marching as if we were headed to death row. We stood in a file and Alice stepped forward as our spokesperson.

"Dad," she said. "Lulu," she added as an afterthought.

"We have all spent the night contemplating our actions last night and we have all come in here to apologize for our behavior and we understand that what we were doing was wrong and completely inappropriate. We know that strip poker is definitely not appropriate for Nessie to be participating and any future strip poker tournaments we decide to have, we promise make sure Nessie is not in our presence," Alice ended our group apology and looked up through her eyelashes to give the impression of innocence and sincerity.

Carlisle was silent for a few moments as he glanced at each of us. There was an almost imperceptible smile playing on his lips that would probably not be noticeable to any human.

"Alright children. I understand that was very difficult for all of you and I accept your apology. Because you apologized without me having to ask for it this morning, I had a talk with Lulu and she agrees," A quick glance over at Lulu and the scowl etched on her face, told me she most definitely was _not_ in agreement, "that as a reward, we will all be spending our family day at the carnival in town," Carlisle finished.

We all made the appropriate sounds of surprise and delight and five minutes later, with Emmett and Nessie both chanting "Its gonna be awesome," over and over, we were sent to our rooms to get ready for the day.

Rose POV

I don't know what Carlisle was thinking when he decided it was a good idea to set us loose at a carnival. And the look on Lulu's face this morning when he announced where we were going clearly said, _I think this is a bad idea_. Maybe he didn't like the vile woman as much as we did. Whatever his reasoning, we were all excited and had a few ideas lined up for today. When everyone was dressed and ready for the day, it was only three arguments, a broken clothes hangar and an hour later.

We all piled into two cars again, Emmett, Bella, Edward, Ness and I in the jeep and Alice, Jasper, Jacob, Carlisle and Lulu in Carlisle's Mercedes. We made it to the carnival at 10 o'clock and we are all pretty excited.

Carlisle had us lined up in a row against the cars and was waiting for Emmett and Ness to stop chanting. With a sharp look cast their way, we were all silent and waiting for Carlisle to talk.

"Children, I have a few ground rules," Carlisle began. "Firstly, you are to stay in pairs."

"Do we get to choose our partner?" Nessie asked.

"Fine, whatever. Secondly, You will all act the age you are, do _not_ act like six year olds. That means you Emmett," Carlisle said.

"Dad, I never act like a six year old. Why are you blaming me? Edward and Jasper and Ness act like six year olds too," Emmett whined.

"Emmett, blaming your brothers and your 12 year old sister just proves his point," Bella pointed out.

I gave her a quick wink, to let her know that I was planning to start an argument.

"Instead of blaming my boyfriend, maybe you should control at your own. Who is it that always provokes Emmett into wrestling?" I glared at her

"Well Rose, maybe Edward wouldn't be provoking Emmett if he didn't make it so easy. Not to mention, Jasper's always meddling with everyone's emotions," Bella yelled.

"Hey, keep Jazzy out of it. Besides what about Jake, he's always causing trouble and then he usually gets one of the other guys in trouble," Alice screeched.

"Yeah that's true," I said and all of us rounded on Jake and he coward behind Ness.

"Don't you dare use her as a shield," Bella advanced on him and he backed away until he hit the Jeep.

"Children, that's enough," Carlisle said sharply. "Your behavior shows that you all act like six year olds and I will have none of it today. The second one of you mucks up, we're all going home."

"Is that it, can we go now?" Nessie begged.

"Almost. I have bought all of you an unlimited pass, so I don't want to be nagged for anything. I have also decided that I will be keeping tabs on you, so we will meet next to the entrance gate at 1:30," Carlisle said.

"So, can we go?" Alice asked.

"Alright, nothing stupid please," Carlisle reiterated and we all took off, at human speed, in the direction of the rides. Eve though we were allowed to split off in our pairs, we all decided to stick together as much as possible because it was easier to do pranks when we were in a big group. We all decided to go on the rollercoaster first.

"I'm sitting up the front!" Emmett yelled.

"No, I am," Ness squealed and tried to wrestle her way in front of him, which was highly amusing to watch.

"What about me? I want to be up the front too," Jake said.

"Me too, I want the front seat as well," Edward and Jasper said at the same time.

"Fine, because none of you can agree, Bella and I will sit at the front," I said and we both pushed through to the front while the rest of them stared at us in shock.

"Are you sure Bella?" Edward said. "Do you remember the last time I took you on a rollercoaster? Do you remember what happened when we got off?"

"I don't actually, and I was human then. I will _not_ throw up after this ride," Bella hiss at him.

"Rose, babe, aren't you worried about your hair getting ruined? I wouldn't mind taking your place," Emmett said hopefully.

"Don't even think about it buddy, Bella and I are up the front, you can all sit where ever else you want to," I warned.

They all grumbled but agreed and before we knew it, we were piled in and listening to the boring operating tell us the rules.

"Whatever dude lets get this show on the road," Jacob yelled and the disgruntled man glared at him, but moved towards the levers and buttons and switches. As soon as we were pulled up to the top of the incline and the cars were about to go down Emmett yelled at the top of his lungs;

"Oh my God, my safety harness is loose!"

Just then the ride took off and shoot down the slope.

I whipped my head back in time to see all the color drain out of the operators face as he frantically pressed buttons and switches in an effort to stop the ride.

When he succeeded, the ride slowed to a stop and began to move backwards up the slope and then back down the incline until it was back at the start.

When the operator made his way towards Emmett to fix the harness Emmett breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh hang on, the harness is fine, I was just looking at this bit," he said.

Emmett held up the tail end of the harness that you pull to make it tighter.

"It's okay sir, I wasn't going to fall out. We can go again now," He told the operator seriously. There were a few humans behind us that groaned with the operator and I turned around to face them.

"Shut it you lot, isn't safety more important than ruining your little ride. Besides, we get to go again," I snapped at them. The stupid humans all shrunk back into their seats and stopped whining.

I turned back around in my seat and started laughing with Bella. "I wouldn't terrorize them if it was so fun," I admitted.

All in all the ride was average, all of us, except maybe Nessie and Jake, get bigger thrills when we are wrestling with a bear or lion and this ride was nothing in comparison.

We walked away from the ride and when Nessie saw the spinning teacup she was sold.

"Please, please, please can we go on it?" She begged us.

"Really? The spinning teacups? What about that one?" Emmett said pointing at a ride that was currently spinning around upside down.

"I still want to go on the spinning teacups," Nessie said.

"I'll take you Ness," Jake promised.

Eventually, Nessie, Jake, Bella, Edward and Alice went on the ride, which left Emmett, Jasper and I standing around, waiting.

We could hear Nessie's peals of delight as the operator for this ride spun their teacup around and her subsequent groans of disappointment as the spinning began to slow. Everyone else just looked bored.

"Emmy was right, this ride is lame," Ness grumbled.

Emmett, delighted at being called right for the first time in his long life, decided to help Nessie out.

"I'll make it more fun for you Ness," he shouted out. As their teacup came closer to the operator spinning them, Emmett leaped up beside him and gave a giant shove to the teacup – gently for him, otherwise he'd break it – and the started spinning faster than it was before.

"Hey, you can't be up here. Authorized personnel only," the operator said angrily

"I would have to be up here if spun the teacups properly, maybe I should take over buddy?" Emmett suggested.

"Get down right now, or I will have you escorted out," the operator threatened.

"Fine, jeez, I was only trying to help," Emmett whined as he walked back to us. When the ride was over, we walked around trying to find something else that we would all enjoy and it was proving difficult. Eventually we settled on a few rides and before we knew it, we had only five minutes to make our way back to the entrance to meet Carlisle and Lulu.

When we got there, Carlisle was waiting patiently, while Lulu was tapping her foot in annoyance.

"You children are two minutes late," she said.

"Lulu calm down. I'm surprised they remembered to show up at all," Carlisle said.

"Yeah Lulu, we make the effort to stop having fun to come and see your ugly face, and that's the thanks we get?" I snapped at her.

"Rose that was uncalled for. Apologize now," Carlisle said.

"Fine, I'm sorry Lulu," I said in a sickly sweet voice.

"I accept your apology Rosalie, but I think you should stay behind with me while the others leave for 10 minutes,"

"Good. Now I want to meet you all back here at 5 o'clock, which is when the park closes. Everyone can go, except for Rose," Carlisle ordered. Everyone walked of slowly and waited at the ride closest to where we were for the ten minutes I was in "time out". When it was up I stalked away, with out a good bye, except to Carlisle at vampire speed, and joined the others.

We walked around; focusing on the smaller attractions and games and Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Jake won all us girls a giant stuffed teddy bear each on the Hi Striker and then we all had a turn on the ring toss that Nessie, Alice and Bella won, while the rest of us 'missed' a ring or two. Jake bought three sticks of fairy floss, two hotdogs, a giant soda and a giant pretzel to snack on while we walked around the park until we arrived at the swing carousel and we were all pretty excited to have a go on it, mostly because we knew Lulu was close by, and we could easily freak her out. We were all situated on the chairs, all of us occupying outside chairs in a row and as soon as we started moving, we undid the straps holding us in, until we were ready to stand up when Lulu was in view. The chairs began to pick up a little bit of speed and were starting to get higher and higher. Now we were just waiting on Lulu.

"Alright, she's in position now," Edward said. "Everyone up."  
With that, we all stood up on the chairs and it wasn't long before we heard Lulu scream. As the ride spun us out of her view, we sat down again quickly before Carlisle arrived to see what the fuss was about. When the ride ended, we all walked off and in the opposite direction of Lulu when she followed us angrily.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she seethed.

We all slowly turned around. "Well, we were thinking 'hey it's a swing carousel, that different to a normal one, lets see the difference'" Bella said scornfully.

"I am no talking about your choice of ride, I'm talking about that little stunt you all just pulled," Lulu said angrily.

"What stunt, all we did was try to swing it up more," Emmett said confused.

"Don't you dare try to fool me. I saw you all stand up on those things," Lulu snapped.

"Children, did you?" Carlisle asked us all.

"Dad," Jasper whined. "Why would we do that when you said 'don't do anything stupid' we're having fun and we don't want to leave like you said you'd make us if we mucked up."

Carlisle knew what we did, he wasn't stupid, but this was a perfect way to make Lulu think she was going crazy and seeing things.

"I believe them, Lulu I'm sure you were just imagining things," Carlisle said, playing along.

As we all walked off, we could hear Lulu muttering under her breath.

_I was not imagining things, and those children are out to get me._

We rode on every single ride, except the kiddy trains we weren't allowed on because we were older than eight. We ended the day right before closing with the funhouse. We all entered as a group and it was more amusing to watch the humans stumbling around and falling over than going through it. The spinning barrel was by far the most interesting though, watching Jacob attempt it and almost falling on his face. When we made our way to the entrance to meet Carlisle, we were all laughing at Emmett's impressions of Jake falling and tripping and it was just as funny as watching Emmett imitate Bella when she was a human.

By the time we got home, it was dark and we all entered our own rooms, eagerly awaiting tomorrow when Esme would be coming home.

It was 3 o'clock in the morning when Alice stuck her head in Emmett and I's room and told us to come to her room for our final secret meeting.

When everyone was there Alice leaned in closer and said;

"I know how we can make Carlisle and Lulu take us with them to the parent's meeting."

**Hey everyone. I just want you all to know that this chapter involved a lot of Creative license. I've never been to New York so I have no idea where anything is, and even though I did a bit of googling some things may not even actually exists. And the whole carnival thing, I don't really know any protocols those workers have to follow or even what carnivals have because the biggest one I've been to is a school fete with the hurricane.**

**Shout out to my sister who gave me some ideas though – thanks kiddo **

**Please read and review, I hope you all enjoyed it.**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN:**

**So this is just a chapter and I was wondering how you wanted the meeting to be written. **

**Please PM me or drop a review to let me know who's POV you would like the meeting to be written in; either Esme or Lulu, or I could even do both. Whatever the majority is, I will write and please let me know what you would prefer ASAP so I can start writing it and post it for you all to enjoy, thank you. **

**xoxo AussleGal20.**


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